The Direct Doctrine Wave Cap: Is your congregation wandering away from YOUR TRUTH? Many people will not subject themselves to actual brain implants. This handy device is hardly noticeable. All you do is ask the congregation to put on their discernmentalist caps and then send DOCTRINE WAVES (DW©) straight into their brains. These DW© bypass the heart so that certain doctrines do not effect it. Yes dear pastor, you will have complete control over your congregation and you will not have to trouble with that pesky Holy Spirit changing the hearts or teaching (rather unteaching) all you have invested in these trusting people. With the Direct DOCTRINE WAVE machine we who love control are in control. Also available if you act now the handy Radio Remote to remotely direct your congregation outside the church. While you control the person they will be pumped with feelings of guilt for not doing enough work for you and the church.
This is a $3000 value for only $25 a month for 15 years.* Supply is limited so act fast!
*Interest is compounded at 10% per month.