How to know you are in an ODM Church.

September 23, 2009

emo035h

 

This was in response to the horrible article I found here.

  • Your success and worth as a Christian in the group based primarily on spiritual performance and/or obedience to church “authority”… being the Pastor.
  • Your particular church teaches that your group is “set apart” (a remnant)  from other Christian churches as being special, better or chosen.
  • There an overwhelming focus on maintaining the “spiritual covering” of a church leader, mentor or “shepherd”.
  • The group require personal and financial decisions to be “approved” by church leadership.
  • If a member disagrees with the church, that member is labeled a “rebel” or “Jezebel” or worse “Emergent”. 
  • Open communication discouraged and even forbidden.
  • Disobedience to church authority considered the same as disobedience to God himself.
  • Members are discouraged from communicating with friends and family that don’t agree with church policy and doctrine.
  • Church authorities decide what your “spiritual gifts” are.
  • When times become tough, the member is told that they don’t tithe enough, have hidden sin in their lives, or that they need “more accountability”.
  • There should be NO  joy in serving Christ that you did at the beginning of your relationship with the church.   You must feel performance anxiety and and intense need to ensure that you don’t fail or mess it up.


Introducing our latest book….Uncharitable Orthodoxy

September 23, 2009

orthomcWe were not happy with Brian McLaren’s book A Generous Orthodoxy….we’re just not that generous….especially because we are a discernmentalist ministry and stand for true biblical truth.

Therefore, iTodyaso and I, in conjunction with our re-programmed research robot monkeys (RRM) were compelled to pen our magnum opus; Uncharitable Orthodoxy. We believe that Orthodoxy should be so complex, so inaccessible to render everyone but us and whom we merit God’s grace to enter the Kingdom.  You see it is not enough to believe in the essentials (like trusting in Jesus our LORD and SAVIOUR to be saved, or the resurrection) but if you are not Calvinist your are not saved. If you do not describe (or ascribe) the atonement the way we see it you are not saved. If your not against Rob Bell….your probably not saved. If you are not as brash, bold or as arrogant  as you should about being right and saved….you are not saved. You must be a super-reformer to be saved and dislike and blame all problems in the church on liberals…or you may not be saved.

We don’t want to make this TOO complicated, but if you don’t get what we are trying to say…your not saved.

Affectionately yours,

Truthslayer

PS Our RRM  have since been re-captured and reprogrammed since their escape last week and caught rampaging through a mid-western town and then sited drinking margarita’s in a bar in Miami (we’re unclear as to how they moved so quickly from Minnesota to Florida). Sources close to us have reported they drank margaritas, some have pointed out that was a table full of Shirley Temples (If the latter we are mortally embarrassed).

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LORD: To proclaim Jesus as Lord ascribes obedience

SAVIOUR: To assert Jesus as Saviour is to point out that we need spiritual salve/healing/restoration/forgiveness from the Living God our Heavenly Father.


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