Top ten newest ODM technologies
- Comment Deleter Program: Ted Stevens, the 83-year-old senior senator from Alaska, described the Internet as “a series of tubes.” Yet clumsy as his metaphor may have been, Stevens was struggling to make a reasonable point: the tubes can get clogged. Read More We have the solution. We have created the auto-anti-emerging comment deleter program that will delete those pesky Emergents comments that waste bandwidth and website space. By deleting their garbage, the internet will become less clogged and flow more freely.
- Nanocharging Solar: Arthur Nozik believes quantum-dot solar power could boost output in cheap photovoltaics. We are already using this technology to help run many ODM sites when power supplies are limited. Just attach our cheap Photovoltaics Laptop power supply to your cheap Photovoltaics Laptop and you can continue to attack those evil heretics!
- Personalized Heresy Monitors: Ken Silva says using computers to automate some research could make proper doctrine easier to attain and heresy easier to point out.
- Cell Group Analysis: We here at the ODMafia believe that detecting minute differences in heretical teachings between individual cells groups could improve ODM churches.
- Truth Stretching Opticals: Eric Barger has created light-focusing optical antennas that could lead to DVDs that hold hundreds of misleading teachings and out of context quotes to build better straw-man arguments.
- Resistible Revolution: Artificially structured metamaterials could transform ODM abilities to build further resistance to Shane Claiborne.
- Neuron Control: Karl Deisseroth’s genetically engineered “light switch,” which lets scientists turn selected parts of the brain on and off, may help improve controlling your congregation from thinking for themselves. We here at the ODMafia abhor that sort of thing in churches! (Thinking that is… if you do it we will be out of a job! So let us do it for you!)
- Nanohealing: Tiny fibers will save lives by stopping church bleeding and aiding recovery from Emerging brain injury, says ODM Chris Rosebrough.
- Digital Imaging, Reimagined: Chris Rosebrough and Ken Silva believe compressive sensing could help rewrite historical Christianity to be more to their own version. They can reimage historical Christianity to fit their doctrinal needs at will.
- Argumental Reality: We ODM’s want to superimpose our information on the real world. We see that just the shere power of our fallacious and illogical arguments will change reality for those who listen and believe in us and OUR doctrines.