The Post-Emergent Church Of The Future—For old people that never grow out of their youth. A non-seeker-sensitive approach to church: How to lose friends and alienate people. The Post-Emergent Church will return us back to fundamentalism while still remaining relevant. Praise Hymn Rock Songs Include:
In Awe Of Thy 600+ Commandments, Praise Jesus 25x Chorus, Jesus Is Coming Now Grab Your Guns, We’re Old But We’re Still Young In Church, A Mighty Fortress Is Our Bible, I Saw Jesus Shoot A Heretic But He Did Not Shoot The Deputy, We Hold The Absolute Truth And So Can You, We’ll Annoy You With One More Praise Chorus, We Wish You A Servetus Barbecue, O I Hope My Shoe Is Holey Enough For The Rapture and Raise A Banner Of War On The Non-Elect
Confession of Faith: Legalism is Lord. Church services will include inquisitions on non-believers followed by forced baptisms. Afterwards, we’ll have a pot luck lunch. Everyone wins—souls that is! Rainbow wigs available after your first forced communion.
Worse, my country is secular, post-catholic and atheist right now… and before that we were catholic, and we don’t really have traditional protestant churches…
Before you get all bent out of shape, please realize this is a satire site spoofing the so-called "discernment ministries" who deem themselves more worthy of Grace than the rest of us. So read and have fun! BTW, we are not against "good" discernment ministries that do actual real research and extend grace to others, only the bad ones.
if this is the alternative, can you then please give me the adress of an emergent church here in belgium please?
LikeLike
brambonius,
Just look for the building that says, “Waffles” as that would be what they do in the church with “certainty”… NOW LAUGH!
I. Todyaso
LikeLike
Brambonius:
Your country is itself liberal and pussy, so it’s pretty much like an emerging church
LikeLike
Worse, my country is secular, post-catholic and atheist right now… and before that we were catholic, and we don’t really have traditional protestant churches…
guess that makes me doomed?
LikeLike