Spaceship will lead to escape says Annoying Ministries

December 17, 2009

Annoying Ministries (formerly known as Apprising Ministries) is building a space ship in hopes of leaving emergents and other sinners on planet earth. The ship is built using reinforced backbones of battle hardened truth warriors!!! The goal is to have the spaceship known as SIN-FREE ONE ready by late 2010, or early 2011. They will definitely leave before 2012 just in case the ancient Mayans get it right and the world is destroyed because their calander ends. Hint…just buy a new calendar for 2013…but that’s just my take!

Indeed we are pleased that Annoying Ministries is so serious that they will take a stand and leave the planet to show how angry they are. Good for them!

We look forward to the big send off!

Dr. Truthslayer (chief engineer of Sin-Free-One)


Jerks for Jesus

December 16, 2009

The well known ministry JERKS FOR JESUS, a clearing-house for discernmentalist super ideas, insight by osmosis, and presumption celebrates a new look! Jerks for Jesus spokesman, A.R.Rogant notes “We all know that when you are in a truth war, haughtiness, self-righteousness and hate are perfect default positions when we are under attack! We cannot have people deeply abiding in the spirit with prayerful contemplation, lectio divina. or loving one another. What will become of Christians who spend TOO much time going over the same verses? We have to treat our enemies like crap so that they can see the truth.”

He further comments “We make no apologies for supporting US foreign policy, torture, invasions and assassinations. It’ the Christian way! We’re not like Islam or their terrorists.We’re civilized. In fact we think that we must come down harder – in the name of our PURE DOCTRINES. Moreover, we need this clearinghouse of ideas to decide who is apostate (ie Rob Bell), who will go to hell (ie certainly Rick Warren), and who needs a good lashing (and we mean this figuratively and literally ) Torture is good in the right hands! Who else is going to do this with the same integrity? We need more enemies to prove our self-righteousness!!!”

Without Jerks for Jesus, there would be no way for us discernmentalists to share our expert opinions and spinning quotes out of context. We have a whole team of experts who scour the net for disquieting quotes and insure at every possible angle that they are read in the worst light possible. That is what true ministry is all about, spot the sheep, turn him into a wolf and then “discernmentalize him.” It takes just a few good articles to do this sort of thing. We are very thankful that we are so blessed with this undertaking.

Finally remember these immortal words  “Blessed not are those who mourn, for they shall not be comforted. Comfort and feeling good about ourselves is from the devil, sissies, weak pansies and liberals.Blessed are the proud and arrogant, for they shall conquer and triumph over all of the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for legalism, for they shall satisfy God’s wrath.”

At ODMafia, let us do the thinking for you! Remember,they know WE are true Christians by our PURE doctrines!

Truthslayer


Reformation Crunch Cereal

December 15, 2009

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Far too often Reformer’s children have had to the same breakfast slop as new agers, pagans, and mainline Christians. Now ODMafia research and design has tested and produced an all new exclusive 100% discernmentalist cereal….first it was Calvin Crunch now we have Reformation Crunch! It features the Five Sola’s in every bite protecting you from  Emergents, Roman Catholics and people who meditate on the bible (which Luther would never do!)

Each bit of cereal in every box in numbered, organized and categorized for structured and careful eating habits.

Order your exclusive cereal today and get a Peasants Revolt Mini-Comix prize in each box!

Quakerless Cereal is every discernmentalists cereal….you owe it to yourself to embrace the pure doctrines of Reformation Crunch.

Dr. Truthslayer approved!


Dear Truthslayer

December 14, 2009

Dear Dr Truthslayer,

I recently read the following statement from Hunting Heresy Hunters “I agree very much with Rick Joyner when he says that the irony of the heresy hunters is that they claim to be motivated by a desire for holiness and righteousness and purity – and yet they’re abundantly willing to sacrifice those very qualities in themselves, in order to defame their targets.” Is this true?

Bob, Tampa Bay

________________________________

Bob, Online Discernmentalist Ministries are always obsessed with other people’s holiness, righteousness, purity and that they should meet or beat OUR very high standards of perfectionism. We don’t worry that much about the plank in our own eye because truth is at stake!

We are also sure that we are know-it-alls, and have a special exemption status when it comes to “telling it like it isn’t.”  We can ignore the fruit of the spirit when the truth-war gets tough. We have to protect the truth – because war is not easy and you have to make sacrifices….and when we mean truth, we mean our abstract propositions!!!

Indeed, when we lie or slander to protect the truth, it isn’t a lie or slander….its called a no-compromise defence.  Have you ever heard of our Fruit of the Spirit Exemption Card? If not we highly recommend picking one up while supplies last. Remember, what George Costanza from Seinfeld once said “just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.”

Your affectionate defender of Truth….Dr. Truthslayer


Incredible turn of events at Slice of Laodicea (SoL)

December 13, 2009

Slice Laodicea (SoL), a clearinghouse for bad news about Christendom has turned its barbed accusations against itself. Like SoL, our research robot monkeys had been scouring the internet daily. Only this time we stumbled upon this outrageous (but obviously true) connection (any connection we make no matter how far fetched is TRUE.) We make all sorts of claims, and links but because we never second guess ourselves….or make mistakes (ever), we can only conclude with 100% certainty that SoL is poisonous.

We come to this conclusion only because we are true discernmentalists. We don’t compromise…and because we are biblical. So please get over it!

Affectionately yours, and doing your thinking for you!

Truthslayer


Dangerous marketing techniques says TSM

December 11, 2009

Take A Stand Ministries (TSM) outlines (note our over-emphasis on citations!) the dangers of marketing techniques suggesting “In our day, however, many have decided to market themselves in such a way as to engage in a sort of popularity contest. Doesn’t it make sense that, if one is attempting to use marketing techniques like we’re seeing now, sermons pertaining to righteousness and surrender – let alone sin and hell – wouldn’t be considered? These themes are relics from a bygone era and are considered counterproductive to the prevailing wisdom churned out by today’s gurus of church growth.” We however know that the following titles are NOT sensationalist marketing tools:

THE END-TIME OCCULT INVASION

BIBLE PROPHECY AND THE OCCULT

THE MOST DANGEROUS CULT

THE DEATH OF DISCERNMENT

You see it is NOT marketing (or church growth) when we discernmentalists advertise our books and dvds, it is sinister marketing IF Rick Warren and Rob Bell do the same thing. You see the difference?

When WE do it….it is okay.

When BAD (you know who) people/ministries do it….it is NOT okay.

Church growth techniques bad, but TSM sales growth of books and DVDs good!

This is called discernmentalist rationalization, a special technique of discernmentalization.

Remember, this is clearly not sinister marketing based on fear or sensationalism….but biblical techniques of discernmentalization.

I’m in the KNOW!

Dr. Truthslayer


* Bolding or highlighting was used merely for emphasis but did not appear in TSM’s original article


Twilight Of Emergent Idolatry: New Age Apostasy

December 10, 2009

Twilight Of Emergent Idolatry: New Age Apostasy is a sequel to the much beloved Tween Apostate classic of Emergent Babel, Twilight Of Emergent Idols. These Apostate films are based on the Emergent Twilight book series co-authored by a female Mormon false religionist and a bunch of Emergent heretics. A bunch of morons more like it! These films are spiritual confusing for sure! Why they even teach such confusing and postmodern Emergent ideas as: people have souls, there is good and evil in the world, “love conquers all,” redemption, wholesome values, etc.  Discernmentalists do not be fooled by these apostate values since this book series was written by heretics so therefore these anti-Biblical values are opposed to our core Discernmentalist values of  only the Elect have souls, the world is totally depraved, self-righteousness and war-mongering conquer all, wrath, etc.

We Know with Absolute Certainty these Absolute Truths! Todd Friel using Eric Barger’s Bible Based Selective Uncomprohensive Cherry-Picking Reading Machine has said of the newest installment in the Emergent Twilight series that it in fact promotes the false teaching of: “How to Tell God, ‘You’re not the Lord of me. I’ll do whatever I want’.” Yes we should fear and be paranoid of fictional books and films this much as True Truthwarriors. Anyways, the newest installment in the Emergent Twilight series—Twilight Of Emergent Idolatry: New Age Apostasy stars all your favorite Emergent heretics: Rob “Universalist” Bell, Phyllis Tickle “Your Ears” and Tony “I Have No Truth” Jones among others and Dakota Fanning whom these evil Emergents corrupt and turn into a contemplative Soul-sucking vampire.

Here was sweet little Dakota when she was a Bible-believing Southern Baptist:

And here is Dakota after those Evil Emergents kidnapped her and forced her to star in their sin-promoting movies—Hounddog, Twilight Of Emergent Idolatry: New Age Apostasy and now even more heretical movies:

Here Dakota is in an Emergent coven:

And the ensuing results of the evil Emergents’ spiritual apostasy are working on Dakota:

 

See the difference—We Do—Absolutely! This is why we Discernmentalists must warn you parents to never take your children to movies that we don’t approve of —because your children are too dumb to realize the fine lines between fantasy and reality—and Emergents blur them constantly. This is why we must set the standard for you and tell you to boycott Twilight Of Emergent Idolatry: New Age Apostasy and the like.


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