January 31, 2010
We at the ODMafia purposefully NEVER question capitalism. We don’t ask difficult questions about exploitation of the Third World and we frown on Marxist things like Fairtrade (because fairness and equity are likely works of communism or the devil).
We believe that CEO’s should make 20 million a year. We also believe that when 2,000 factory workers are laid off because that same company that pays the CEO bajallions of dollars is hard up, and must do what they can to make a go in this tough world. We don’t really care if the people at the bottom get paid a pittance and work 12 hrs a day, in some hot sweaty workshop.
We believe capitalism is fully, completely biblically endorsed. In fact to help the poor is the enable them. To speak out for workers who can’t quite squeak out a living is pretty darn close to socialistic activities of unions. We don’t believe in justice, because we know that the bible only speaks about personal / individualistic salvation. Remember anyone who emphasizes weightier issues (Matthew 23) such as justice, mercy and faithfulness are commie red letter Christians and should be ignored. We need to focus on triviality….because to us…they are the big things!
That is why we at ODMafia feel the need to speak up. Stop attacking capitalism. Stop sharing, and start climbing to the top!
PS Please hold this quote dear to your heart “Neither I nor capitalism needs to change. You guys are pretty pathetic.” Jan Markell, Olive Tree Ministries
January 30, 2010
Just remember, we hate you in the most biblical and loving way. If you do not succumb to OUR teachings and our self righteousness, you do not pass the test of true biblical Christianity.
Just remember, capitalism is biblical. Sharing is Marxism. Democracy is holy and killing for peace is righteousness. Submit to Reaganism and live!
January 26, 2010
Tall Skinny Kiwi declares, “End of Emerging Church.”
I, I. Todyaso, woke up this night with a headache. At first a great fear gripped my very soul and then after remembering I do not have one, I realized that my headache was one of the seven plagues Andrew Jones, AKA Tall Skinny Kiwi (TSK), cursed Emergent Village (EV) with as he left it. It seems that TSK will no longer associate with EV any longer due to personal reasons he was reluctant to disclose on his blog. TSK is known for his gentle way of saying it without saying it to the point he has kept Ken Silva from nailing 95 thesis of heresy on the door of TSK’s Magirus Deutz overlander. In fact, it is rumored that maybe TSK was never part of EV!
Of the seven plagues that TSK cursed EV with was headaches to ODM’s. You see without the Village, many ODM’s now do not have as much to write about. Oh, sure we can rehash some things and maybe look for a new movement we can trash before it gets going, but seriously we loved EV as it was just such an easy target!
So, here they are:
- Tony Jones loses his identity.
- Doug Paggit becomes homeless and wanders the USA asking if anyone bought his book yet.
- ODM’s get headaches as they no longer have EV as an easy target.
- Mike Clawson, Anthony Smith, and Steve Knight find a way to revive EV but former leadership relationships bog them down so they just go out for pizza instead.
- New leadership becomes more Evangelical than they were before!
- Tony Jones and Doug Paggit part ways and realize they were not as charismatic as they originally thought.
- Julie Clawson’s books outsell Tony Jones’ and Doug Paggit’s combined sales and she starts a female version of EV called… Femergent Village.
As you can see these are definite signs of the coming apocalypse and with these, Jesus should return sometime soon. TSK has not commented further on this. This is also believed to be the only negative thing TSK ever uttered.