Pat Robertson Announces The Good News Of God’s Wrath On Haiti

January 14, 2010

Wise ole Saint Pat (but not in the Roman Catholic way as that would be idolatry) announced yesterday God’s Wrath upon Haiti:

Good for ole Pat stating the Absolutely True Reformed Truth War position on natural disasters being caused by God from the foundation of the world to punish the non-Elect reprobated heathens of the world. Haiti indeed deserved to be punished as the false religion of Roman Catholicism is professed by 80% of Haitians and the Absolute Reformed Truth of Protestantism makes up about 16% of the population. Also they have a bunch more devil worshipping voodoo witch doctors who are the same as Roman Catholics so we know with Absolute Certainty that Haiti is in league with the devil—for if they truly had God they would all be Reformed Discernmentalist American Republican Truth Warriors like us.

Sharin’ Whiplash adds that Saint Pat is one of her heroes:

One of my all-time heroes of the faith. What a great man, and greatly used of God. Thank You, Lord, for Your servant, Pat Robertson, without whom we would be still struggling in the darkness of Roman Arminianism that man-exalting heresy, being Christ-like, bearing the Fruits of the Spirit, praying during tragedies, helping others as the Communists do and sharing compassion. Why Pat  Robertson glorifies God by never compromising on preaching the Whole Discernmentalist Truth and is 100% Reformed because those ignorant Romanist Haitians deserve to be on the losing end of God’s Absolute Sovereignty— so I wish they would just suck it up because God can and does get His way as is His Will and He predestined from the foundation of the world to punish all those Haitians. 

Slice of Laodicea purchases truth grinder

January 14, 2010

ODMafia Research and Design have come through again, this time selling Slice of Laodicea (a stalwart discernmentalist ministry – yet so humble they deny the label!!!!) a brand new truth grinder. The truth grinder is a carefully crafted device, upgraded from the older version truth grinder 1.0. The device is made up of several 30 ton, metallic wheels. When truth is inserted, the multi-ton wheels begin to grind, turn and twist until truth is pulverized. Truth is reconstituted in Slice of Laodicea’s own image. Rumours about that Lighthouse Trails, Herescope, Eric Barger’s Take a Stand Ministries, Apprising Ministries purchasing the upgrades are bound to be true.

Just think of this as a new spin on the same old crap!

The Truth Grinder is Dr. Truthslayer approved and designed!

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