Martin Luther Secretly Muslim

January 26, 2010

We have Absolute Proof! Our Research Robot Monkeys have come upon this startling revelation of Luther’s Closeted Islamic beliefs:

 From this book, accordingly, we see that the religion of the Turks or Muhammad is far more splendid in ceremonies—and, I might almost say, in customs—than ours, even including that of the religious or all the clerics. The modesty and simplic-ity of their food, clothing, dwellings, and everything else, as well as the fasts, pray-ers, and common gatherings of the people that this book reveals are nowhere seen among us—or rather it is impossible for our people to be persuaded to them. Fur-thermore, which of our monks, …Martin Luther 

Therefore the Lutheran Reformation was secretly created by Muslims—no wonder some believe Luther was not as Reformed and Protestant as Calvin. * (Although some of our Research Robot Monkey Spies came upon this quote by Calvin:

No man is excluded from calling upon God, the gate of salvation is set open unto all men: neither is there any other thing which keepeth us back from entering in, save only our own unbelief. —John Calvin

So perhaps Calvin isn’t as Reformed and Protestant as Spurgeon or John MacArthur).

Hopefully Ken Silva will call Chris Rosebrough and Ingrid Shuelter  to repent of their Lutheran-Islamism and also for Pastorboy aka (Name withheld upon request) to remove his picture of the Muslim Lutheran leader Martin Luther from the header of his blog.

Don Jobson—fibbing proclaiming the Truth.


Tall Skinny Kiwi declares, “End of Emerging Church!”

January 26, 2010

Tall Skinny Kiwi declares, “End of Emerging Church.”

 I, I. Todyaso, woke up this night with a headache. At first a great fear gripped my very soul and then after remembering I do not have one, I realized that my headache was one of the seven plagues Andrew Jones, AKA Tall Skinny Kiwi (TSK), cursed Emergent Village (EV) with as he left it. It seems that TSK will no longer associate with EV any longer due to personal reasons he was reluctant to disclose on his blog. TSK is known for his gentle way of saying it without saying it to the point he has kept Ken Silva from nailing 95 thesis of heresy on the door of TSK’s Magirus Deutz overlander. In fact, it is rumored that maybe TSK was never part of EV!

 Of the seven plagues that TSK cursed EV with was headaches to ODM’s. You see without the Village, many ODM’s now do not have as much to write about. Oh, sure we can rehash some things and maybe look for a new movement we can trash before it gets going, but seriously we loved EV as it was just such an easy target!

 So, here they are:

  1. Tony Jones loses his identity.
  2. Doug Paggit becomes homeless and wanders the USA asking if anyone bought his book yet.
  3. ODM’s get headaches as they no longer have EV as an easy target.
  4. Mike Clawson, Anthony Smith, and Steve Knight find a way to revive EV but former leadership relationships bog them down so they just go out for pizza instead.
  5. New leadership becomes more Evangelical than they were before!
  6. Tony Jones and Doug Paggit part ways and realize they were not as charismatic as they originally thought.
  7. Julie Clawson’s books outsell Tony Jones’ and Doug Paggit’s combined sales and she starts a female version of EV called… Femergent Village.

 As you can see these are definite signs of the coming apocalypse and with these, Jesus should return sometime soon. TSK has not commented further on this.  This is also believed to be  the only negative thing TSK ever uttered.


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