The ODMafia has done it again!!!!
Our pure doctrines were heated to extreme temperatures (over 10,000 degrees celcius) Fri night to produce PURE GOLD (doctrinally speaking). While we were already at %100 accuracy our late nite conference (don’t worry no couches or candles were used in settling doctrinal issues)helped us to refine things even more.
We are accuracy plus perfection. Pure + biblical. Mighty truthful, and so very humble.
We can’t be any more Calvinist than we already are now…except for rewriting John Calvin’s “Institutes” and adding a few more points about predestination. We salute all Reformers every morning on our way to breakfast….and even have Westminster Confession collectibles and pajamas to prove our accuracy. Moreover, to prove our worthiness of doctrinal supremacy we fully endorse uncritically capitalism (in any form), despise President Obama (because we are naturally republican) and hate Red Letter Christians (they emphasize the words of Jesus and are therefore dangerous). Finally, we believe that Christians who seek unity are bent on serving the anti-Christ. True Christians are about divisiveness. In fact when we say “rightly dividing the word of God” we mean it by dividing the sheep and the goats. We realize that it is not the job of a regular Christian to do such things…. but it is our job. We have the credentials….we are %200 SURE!