Introducing Bible-Based Gymnastics

Eric Barger using Stretch Technology has figured out a way to bring Bible-Based Gymnastics to the Winter Olympics stating that every season is right for Bible-Based Gymnastics and other Discernmentalist events. What is Bible-Based Gymnastics you may ask? Why nothing but stretching Truth out of it’s context especially bible verses. Here is an example of how to perform a Bible-Based Gymnastic stunt: you put the right verse out, you put the wrong verse in, you do the hokey pokey and you shake it all about that’s what it’s all about.

All together these actions yeild these results: an “eye for an eye” (Leviticus 24:19-20) is more superior than Jesus, John 3:16 only means God loves a select few people and not the whole world, the Bible has authority over Jesus, sin is sin except when we  do it, etc.

P. S. Eric Barger and his disciples upon reading our Excellent Awesome Quality Discernmentalist Article wanted to add their two cents. First they wanted to say that Yoga is not Bible-Based Gymnastics—We Know based on this verse: 

Deuteronomy 17: 2-4— “If a man or woman living among you…is found doing evil in the eyes of the Lord…contrary to my command has worshiped other gods, bowing down to them or to the sun..”

Secondly asking questions is evil unless it is Truth Warriors doing the one sided interogation questioning:

 I do challenge each reader to examine through the prism of scripture what is being taught and what we are accepting. Ask questions. Be inquisitive and, yes, respectfully and biblically demand answers from those who seek to lead you. I also exhort each of us to speak up when Emergent heresy comes knocking at our church’s door. If it hasn’t yet, it eventually will.

Coercion Arguing with heretics is a Bible-Based Gymnastic trick.

Finally when Truth contradicts itself invent your own. This is called the Uneven Bars Trick based on these verses:

Romans 1:29-31 (New International Version)

29They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, 30slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; 31they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless.

Which We Know really means:

Titus 3:9-11 (King James Version)

 9But avoid foolish questions, and genealogies, and contentions, and strivings about the law; for they are unprofitable and vain. 10A man that is an heretick after the first   and second admonition reject;  11Knowing that he that is such is subverted, and sinneth, being condemned of himself. 

And that we who hold the Absolute Truth are Saved.

Don Jobson and Truthslayer—Biblical Truth Olympiads.

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One Response to Introducing Bible-Based Gymnastics

  1. I think this is new innovation for aplication of bible.

    Like

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