February 23, 2010
The ODMafia is always focused (like all Online Discernment Ministries – ODMS) on finding evil, and sin even where it does not exist. We are so attuned to evil that we can see evil even if it can’t be found. We view this as a gift that is beneficial to all discernmentalists. By twisting, misunderstanding and accusing we expose more evil per capita than any other country in the world. In fact we are world leaders in accusing others. We follow a great number of other ODMS who find evil where there is none. But that takes practice and a skill like no other.
This is why we are FIRST again by finding evil in this gum advertisement. For the uninitiated this is simply a chewing gum advertisement. But for the ODMafia, we know that Wrigley’s Co. is subliminally promoting lesbianism. These two woman are lovingly gazing into one another’s eyes…we can see it with OUR own eyes.
We plead with our readers, send us money!!!! We cannot continue to expose non-existent evil without your help. We cannot continue in our mighty ministry without your cash.
PS We also use long range gay-dar to discern gays.
February 22, 2010
In this startling turn of events our research robot monkeys have been following the seducing sorceress Dan Kimball and his notorious vehicle of doom. Over the course of several weeks we have been watching his every move, expecting the worst and seeing the worst. Only NOW, in an unexpected turn of events did we see Dan Kimball and his emergent car take its true form!!!
We are as worried as everyone else! What if other emergents have the same type of car that begins to metamorph into some hideous metal spider monster? We KNOW what will happen…. soon emergents will rule the universe and destroy everything as we now know it.
If you suspect that your neighbour drives an emergent vehicle….you know what to do – find a PANIC STATION and hit the button.
Together we can stop this menace.
February 21, 2010
Discernmentalists are too good for bible tools. We don’t need scholars who have spent a lifetime studying a bible book to tell us what the book is meant to convey. In fact, it is up to us to insist on what the text means and enforce that meaning. We purposefully read Calvinist doctrines out of our bibles because Calvin was around from the beginning. We read the meaning we need INTO the text. If America is at war, we can pull texts from their original intent to suggest bludgeoning a foreign country into submission. If we need to prove someone wrong, we have our own, original and unique interpretations to set someone straight.
Bible commentaries are a nuisance for us (especially at the ODMafia), they get in the way of pointing fingers at our opponents. We know that other Online Discernmentalist Ministries think the same way. Just remember, it is all about purity of doctrines MORE than anything else. Most commentaries written are NOT good enough for us, they don’t hold to the truest doctrines that we hold up to…..because we are super Bereans.
Remember what Jesus said… “Bless are those with pure doctrines, for theirs is the Kingdom of God….”
February 21, 2010
The ODMafia research robot monkeys have found a discernmentalist snowman who is currently being undermined by global warming scams. We need to put him on ice, before our only discernmentalist snow man dies a slow death.
We are still bothered by the ominous sign below our hero ” I‘ll be dead soon.” We hold everyone, emergents and especially the global warming scientists accountable….and anyone who dares question a discernmentalist.
February 19, 2010
Typical baptist unregenerate baptism against Calvin's doctrines!
Let me break this word down for the ignorant unrepentant masses that read this blog only to mock our inferiority. We here have just made up a new word, because that is just how smart we are here at the ODMafia. So, you slack jaw locals who think that Phil Johnson’s Hugh Ass was parody, this is what paedobaptiphobia means.
paedo: Pertaining to children.
bapti: Pertaining to Baptists who immerse children in water.
phobia: Pertaining to fear of things in general but when connected to a word means you fear that word.
Therefore, you now know what the word “paedobaptiphobia” means. It means fear of baptist who baptise children.
Now, we know that is pure unadulterated heresy per John MacArthur (per our own award winning theologian Don Jobson) and that John Calvin would have never taught such a horrible doctrine! For John Calvin’s doctrine was almost as pure as our own! So, we support paedobaptiphobia in all forms and detest the unsaved Baptists who do not bow to our doctrines! BTW, we here at the ODMafia do not need a list of reasons we call infant baptism heresy like Piper or MacArthur. Why? It is heresy because we say it is and that is good enough for us and should be good enough for you!