Oh Those Horrible Baptists!

March 13, 2010

Typical unregenerate unrepentant Marxist Anabaptist heretic “turning the other cheek” and helping his enemies:

The story of Dirk Willems, who, when he heard that the sherif pursueing him for his Anabaptist beliefs had fallen through the ice, turned back to save him is often considered by Anabaptist hagiographers to be a key example of their practice of Christian charity.

 

Oh those horrible Baptists— how we despise their Doctrines! We Know that Baptists created Communism and Socialism to attack our Pure Protestant Reformed Doctrines of CalvinReagan and Capitalism. We Know that Karl Marx is a product of Baptist theology particularly the Anabaptist form of Baptist theology:

(Ana)Baptists of all countries — repent!

Karl Marx, himself a stepchild of the communistic Anabaptists, loved to enjoin: “Workers of the world — unite!”480 But, standing upon Scripture, Christian Calvinists now say to all such stepchildren: “Anabaptists of all countries — repent!”

We therefore call upon all of the various stepchildren of the Anabaptists — including justified Baptists; heretical Seventh-day Adventists; apostate “Jehovah witnesses”; polytheistic Mormons; and atheistic Communists — to repent of their great sin of antipaidobaptism (and of all their other sins).

Clearly  Baptists are in error for following the Bible in baptizing believers instead of following  Calvin’s Pure Doctrines of sprinkling infants. Communism and Socialism are what inevitably happens when one takes  the words of Jesus seriously in the Bible rather than following Calvin’s interpretation of the Bible exclusively. Jan Markell warns of following Jesus too literally:

They feel it is convenient to blot out the words of Paul on homosexuality and focus in on the good deeds Jesus talks about. Most are pacifists who reject an “eye for an eye” (Leviticus 24:19-20). They focus on Jesus’ words about helping the poor, ministering to “the least of these” (Matthew 25:40), loving our enemies, etc. That justifies abandoning hundreds, even thousands of condemning verses in the Bible they choose to wish away. That makes homosexuality OK and war wrong! And remember, Paul and the others in the Bible represent Jesus’ words. They were His spokesmen.
 
Some who believe this way practice a form of neo-Marxism and others would call it “Christian Marxism” — an oxymoron if there ever was one. They note that the early church shared everything (socialism).  A close cousin to this is “liberation theology.”
 
Those who are high profile in this movement include Jim Wallis, Tony Campolo, Brian McLaren and his Emergent bunch, and the National Council of Churches. Jim Wallis says, “In those red letters, Jesus calls us away from the consumerist values that dominate contemporary American consciousness.”  Translate that to mean he loathes capitalism and opts for socialism and/or communism.

We Know that “social justice”  is an evil word  and that John Calvin and Ronald Reagan had nothing to do with such a horrible thing as the Social Gospel and if they had nothing to do with social justice then Jesus certainly didn’t. Glenn Beck adds that “Social justice “is a perversion of the Gospel,” and “not what Jesus was saying” when He was teaching on justice and social sins. We agree and Know that the Socialist Gospel is a product of Credobaptism as Credobaptism denies the Pure Doctrines of “Original Sin” and “Total Depravity (Total Inabillity)” just listen to this heretical Baptist quote: “God imposes the necessity of sin on nobody.” My head is still shaking from all that Evilness! What an attack on God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath! Credobaptism in the words of GOIP Discernmentalist Sharin’ Whiplash is “man-exalting”:

 Certainly Credobaptism is evil since it promotes confusion this is why I Thank You, Lord, for Your servant, Jean Cauvin, without whom we would be still struggling in the darkness of Credobaptism, that man-exalting heresy! Besides Immersion sounds too much like the heresy of Emergent/Emerging or Emergence Christianity.

Truly anything man-exalting promotes Marxism, Communism and Socialism—this is why all Baptists are heretics. We along with Glenn Beck urge all Baptists to leave their Marxist Social Justice-promoting false churches and join a True Church that teaches the Pure Doctrines of Discernmentalists like The Protestant Reformed Churches in America, the Reformed Presbytery of North America, General Meeting (RPNA-GM) or the Reformed Presbyterian Church, Covenanted (RPCC)—just avoid the Presbyterian Church in America (PCA) like the plague as they are too soft  on Evolution and anti-theocracy and especially avoid the The Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) or PC (USA) as they are neither Presbyterian nor Christian.


Comfort and edify are code words for unity!

March 11, 2010

Fellow truth warriors….we are under attack. It has been remoured that some among us are attempting to…

A) COMFORT ONE ANOTHER….(see 1st Thessalonians)

B) EDIFY ONE ANOTHER…(see 1st Thessalonians)

May this not be so!

This strikes us as striving towards unity. We KNOW that if a church strives towards unity and love that this is part of the ONE WORLD GOVERNMENT. We need to take comfort in division, arguments and fights to know that we know that we know that it is a TRUE Church. Soon we will be playing into John Armstrong’s new world order book YOUR CHURCH IS TOO SMALL!!!

Truthslayer


False teachers are bold, arrogant and reckless! Thank goodness we’re not like them…

March 10, 2010

Our research robot monkeys have identified what a false teachers are according to 2 Peter. They are…

a) Bold

b) Arrogant

c) Reckless

d) Slander celestial beings or speak disrespectfully of church leaders…among others.

We are not like those false teachers. We don’t need to hold our tongues, or have controlled speech nor worry about trashing church leaders.  We are above that because our pure doctrines give us an exemption clause. In fact we have an Official Exemption Card that disavows us even from having to produce spiritual fruit. Remember the truth war is so dangerous (at this point in time) that we must fight lies with slander. We might remind discernmentalists that discernmentalists are above reproach and criticism. Criticism is to be leveled against everyone else! YOU GUYS. NOT US!!!

We need only fear everything we don’t understand. by condemning everything and everyone.


Rhoblogy Caught On A Slippery Slope Down The Postmodern Emerging Heresy Slide

March 9, 2010

 

Rhoblogy forsakes his convictions to stand against all errors, false teachers and heretics who have crept into the Church. We’ve caught him in the act of being soft on heresy and heretics like Mark Driscoll—here Rhology notes:

Thursday, March 04, 2010

One of my favorite watchblogs overreacts

Defending.Contending. is usually a good read, and they often have useful and discerning stuff about the zillions of shades of heresy and heterodoxy that are always popping up in the church of Jesus. However, recently they announced that they are no longer going to endorse two massively helpful websites – CARM and Monergism – because they endorse Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church in Seattle.  Happily, the author of D.C. will be contacting each ministry to let them know of his concerns and his removal of his endorsement for what it’s worth, and no doubt asking them to reconsider their endorsement of Driscoll.  I would hope Monergism and CARM (read: Matt Slick) would go ahead and heavily qualify any endorsement of Driscoll that might remain, because that’s the right thing to do.  But to go so far as this?  Here in order is the 1st comment I left, the response, and my reply.

Brothers, I’m a bit concerned.
I love your site and always have ever since I heard of it and read it.
In this case, I wonder if you’re not going a bit far when you decide to stop endorsing such sources as CARM and especially Monergism just b/c they don’t dislike Driscoll. Not everyone can spend all the time you guys do on discernment type stuff.

How dare he attack John MacArthur’s Blessed Absolute Truth Wars™ and Discernmentalism. We Know that all True Christians are Absolute Truth Warriors and that all Absolute Truth Warriors spend all their time Discernmentalizing their fellow Christians. Doesn’t he know that the mark of a True Christian is to divide and split churches over random, arbitrary and non-Essential teachings and our own egotistical agendas? Clearly Rhology is in error—but wait he attacks True Discernmentalism even further:

Are you not separated from the profane already? You actively call out Driscoll for his many sins, and that’s great, and needed. But did you read Phil Johnson’s piece that I linked to in my last comment, about guilt by association?

Clearly Rhology is being deceived and doesn’t know that a True Absolute Truth Warrior Christian must render everyone they disagree with as guilty by association. This is an Essential Christian teaching as well as Discernmentalism as the clear teachings of Ken Silva attest. Perhaps Rhology ought to read our Pure Teachings on Mark Driscoll first before reconciling  with him. What happened to the heretic-bashing Rhology that we all know and love? Here Rhology condemns himself by a comment that he left on that Theopoetry heretic’s site:

Rich Mullins was right that we humans pull ’em out to suit our own desires, but the context in which he said it, ie that being born again is great but not all that we need to do to have eternal life, is heresy. If I’d known he’d said sthg like that before now, I’d never have bought any more of his music or attended his concerts or anythg (kinda like I intentionally avoid Phillips Craig and Dean, since they’re Oneness and thus heretics). Were I in charge at Wheaton (and had I the courage), I would’ve at that very moment stepped onstage, said “thank you, Rich,” proceeded to refute what he’d just said, never invited him back, and encouraged other seminaries/Christian schools to do the same.

Discernmentalists this is why we must stand with Defending.Contending. against Rhoblogy and sex-obsessed heretics like Mark Driscoll as our own illustrious Dr. Itodyaso has noted that Driscoll has yet to renounce all his Emerging/Emergent ties.


Todd Friel Caught Violating John MacArthur’s Pure Doctrines On Romans 13

March 9, 2010

“Now listen to this. It doesn’t matter whether your ruler is Caesar, Herod, Pilate, Felix, Fetus, Agrippa, Stalin, Hitler, Winston Churchill, Bill Clinton, it doesn’t matter who it is, he says be subject, you teach them to be subject.” — Pastor John MacArthur  (#1 Truth Warrior).

Using John MacArthur’s (#1 Truth Warrior) Absolute Biblical Certainty, we’ve caught Todd Friel (Wretched) violating John MacArthur’s (#1 Truth Warrior) Absolutely Biblically correct Bible-Based Literalist interpretation of Romans 13 which is as follows:

Romans 13:1-7 (ESV)John MacArthur (#1 Truth Warrior) Edition:

[1] Let every person be subject to Hitler. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. [2] Therefore whoever resists Hitler resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. [3] For Hitler is not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of Hitler? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, [4] for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer. [5] Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God’s wrath but also for the sake of conscience. [6] For the same reason you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. [7] Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.

Reusing John MacArthur’s (#1 Truth Warrior) ilLogic and Eric Barger and Chris Pajak‘s Bibe Verse-e-nator I*segesis Generator our Research Robot Monkeys have parsed out words and generated this string of John MacArthur (#1 Truth Warrior)-based Bible verses for Romans 13:

Romans 13:1-7 (ESV)— John MacArthur (#1 Truth Warrior) And Sean Penn Hybrid Edition:

[1] Let every person be subject to Hugo Chávez. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. [2] Therefore whoever resists Hugo Chávez resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. [3] For Hugo Chávez is not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of Hugo Chávez? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, [4] for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer. [5] Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God’s wrath but also for the sake of conscience. [6] For the same reason you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. [7] Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.

Indeed Todd you need to Obey John MacArthur’s (#1 Truth Warrior) Truth Wars ™ Doctrines more fully as does Brannon Howse, Glenn Beck and Doug Parris or  else face God’s Wrath as John MacArthur (#1 Truth Warrior) is never wrong in his Absolute Biblical Certainty of Absolute Truth. And remember never protest the government in any form as that is rebellion and rebellion is of the devil—however, Martin Luther and John Calvin’s protest and rebellion against the Pope’s God Ordained governmental authority was exempt because We and John MacArthur (#1 Truth Warrior) whom hold the Absolute Truth are always Right! 

 

 


Dr. I. Todyaso Undergoes Cybernetic Heresy Hunting Surgery

March 8, 2010

Dr. I. Todyaso underwent Cybernetic Heresy Hunting Surgery earlier today in order to increase our Heresy Hunting efficiency by 300% more than the average rate of other ODMs especially Ken Silva’s Raw Sewage Ministries. If Dr. I. Todyaso’s surgery goes well the rest of the Online Discernmentalist Mafia hope to follow suit bringing our Heresy Hunting accuracy to over 1000%. This new Cybernetic Heresy Hunting Surgery will also help in our preaching the Gospel of God’s Law and Wrath to all—pictured here:

Discernmentalist after undergoing Cybernetic Heresy Hunting Surgery threatens an Emergent heretic with the Gospel of God’s Law and Wrath and Hell.

We’ll also be able to teach Discernmentalist skills such as Self Righteousness to a wider range audience:

And in the end our army of Discernmentalists after undergoing Cybernetic Heresy Hunting Surgery will be able to bring Doomsday upon all that we deem heretical:


ODMafia offering part time studies in self righteousness

March 8, 2010

Many discernmentalists are simple hobbyists. That is not to say that they do not have something to say. We all know that WE discernmentalists have a voice and want to use it by saying it LOUD and PROUD. We like everyone to know our opinions, why we are right, and to be sure we want to be smug and haughty. Remember, this is a TRUTH WAR.

Often, and sadly many discernmentalists don’t have the time to immerse themselves into their deep reviews of ministries like Rob Bell , Rick Warren and NT Wright. That is why University of ODMafia now offers part-time studies….for those who cannot go to our highly famed place of study but can attend only a few hours a week. Learn all you can about self-righteousness, often right in front of a computer screen with our online-self-taught-self righteous specialty part-time BA.  No need to learn within the community of other believers (they are all likely apostate anyways and will undermine your pure doctrines). Soon you will be lording your insightful knowledge over others, and explaining to everyone why NT Wright is wrong…and you’re right!

Enroll now and change your life forever!

Dr. Truthslayer, approved!

PS Dr Waltin Martin Cassette Tapes are not included in this course and will incur additional costs.


Online Discernment Lesson # 5 – Labeling others as liberals

March 7, 2010

We must reiterate that we are in a truth war. Therefore, our weapons are not of flesh and blood but of labeling and censoring others. Thank-goodness you have our pure doctrines, based of overwhelming and truthful bible teaching that you won’t find anywhere else these days. Shucks…we are the best.

Nevertheless, we are in an awful truth war, and if it wasn’t for our remnant ministry there would be no where else to turn. Therefore, without further ado lets introduce Online Discernment Lesson # 5. Students this is a must….you need to learn to label others before they label you.

Step 1: When someone comes up with a new or different idea – call them a liberal.

Step 2: When someone comes up with a theological construct you have never heard before – call them a liberal.

Step 3: When someone attempts to use words like creative, imagination etc – call them a liberal.

Step 4: If someone disagrees with you – call them a liberal.

Step 5: If someone admits to doubting – call them a liberal.

Step 6: If someone does not assert the absolute truth – call them a liberal.

Step 7: If someone says anything positive above peace or Canada – call them a liberal.

Step 8: If someone disparages capitalism – call them a liberal.

Remember, this helps to shut down discussion. Indeed, it helps to control the situation, putting the apostate liberal in his/her place.

Any questions? I think not.

Dr. Truthslayer
PS We high recommend reviewing Lesson #4


Online Discernment Lesson # 4 Offend!

March 6, 2010

Remember, folks we are in a truth war….and when at war one needs to cause offense. That is why we offer this FREE lesson on discernment.

Here it goes….

Step One: Don’t comprehend your opponents views. Don’t even try, because they are liberal and liberal people are not worth understanding.

Step Two: Misinterpret your opponents views to mean something else. If your opponent says “X” adjust it to mean “Y.” Never let the liberal get the upper hand.

Step Three: (This is VERY IMPORTANT).Once you have misread your opponent, verbally paint that person as a liberal, or post-modernist (or worse they secretly love catholics). In other words call them names like “liberal”; remember…liberal is a bad name. Use it….because liberals can’t be saved. Be obnoxious! Cause offense, because only then can the gospel be apprehended. Remember, anything the enemy says should be used and twisted to say what you mean. You control the meaning….remember this is about control. Because truth needs to be controlled.

Finally, remember to throw terms around you don’t understand as well (like liberal or post-modern) and apply it to those you don’t like.

Dr. Truthslayer


Your typical Emergent Village church service!

March 6, 2010

This is what happens at a typical Emergent Church service!  If you know what things happen at those couch and candle driven churches you would be shocked! You would never see anyone having fun in one of our churches! We make sure nothing like that would ever happen!


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