The Mighty Slice of Laodicea Retreats back to its lair.

March 19, 2010

The once mighty and slightly nasty Slice of Laodicea (SoL) has began a retreat to its secret Crosstalk lair. It seems that it is too costly to maintain the hate on more than one site so they ahve abandoned the SoL site. All teh hate one could want to read is now over at their Crosstalk blog where the Cross is rarely talked about but all the gossip on the people we love to hate is there! We here at the ODMafia only feel shame, embarrassment and dishonor at this major setback of one of the major players in the Hate Truth War. We are seriously considering revoking Ingrid’s SODUM membership.


Emergents spread across globe….ODMs get concerned and angry

March 18, 2010

This chart is just in, and data collected and colated from our research robot monkeys from diverse Online Discernment Ministries suggest that the Emergent Hordes are spreading. Indeed the Emerging Hordes are dissemenating their anti-discernmentalist teachings & supressing the absolute truth. Candles, couches, house churches are popping up in ungodly places. Emphasis on trinitarian theology abounds! We fear soon that we will see Christocentric preaching (eeegads!!!) They engage in unbiblical things like stressing “conversation” with an interest in the ancient church while still looking forward!

Fear this now, believe us later.

Truthslayer

PS On a serious note some have assumed that I’m part of the emergent church. Just for the record I’m not part of the “emergent church” but know people who are involved in the conversation of faith and support any of those within the pale of Christian orthodoxy and indeed those who are challenging unhealthy traditionalism.


Pure soap for the pure discernmentalist!

March 18, 2010

Online Discernmentalists are always striving to be better than thy neighbour… and when we achieve that “betterness,” we like to point out just how good we are against how bad you are. That is why we bring you PUREX- Doctrinal Discernment Soap. It is the soap that is guaranteed to be the very purest for the connoisseur of discernmentalism.

No more fears with this product….

You can feel safe while washing your clothing because it will separate from pagans, non-Christians, liberals, Roman Catholics, Samaritans and emergents. This detergent prevents your clothing from mixing with the unclean! Guaranteed 100% Pure just like our doctrines.

Built in the ODMafia research & discernmentalist labs.

Truthslayer

PS for external use only


New game for discernmentalists….by discernmentalists.

March 17, 2010

Discernmentalists are all about games. Mind games, word games board games and the like. But this time we have outdone ourselves. We believe there are TOO MANY pharisees out there (like you). You do not submit to our mighty teachings – but you should.  We give thanks that we are NOT like them…we are glad we are not like you!

That is why we created this game, to remind ourselves about everyone else. We don’t associate with a lot of people (like you) simply because you are not holy enough to be around us. In fact most  Online Discernmentalist doctrines are simply not pure enough to even meet our standards and our rules .  This is what the game is all about – rules, morals & standards. For instance when we tithe…its at 10.5%, when we fast we don’t shave or comb our hair and make our hardship postings on facebook.

We are suspicious of everyone and assume the worst...BECAUSE we know you are sinners…and can’t possibly meet our standards (but you should). We think you should carry heavy loads (especially guilt), but we ourselves don’t have to have the same guidelines because we are above it all (that goes without saying). Indeed we like to point out the faults of others, but use different standards for ourselves….because we can….and we don’t not accept criticism well (you usually don’t when you are as perfect as us!)

I highly recommend this game!

Get that game finger out and start pointing!!!!!

Truthslayer endorsed!

PS Pastor iTodyaso and Don Jobson also encourage everyone to play this game at least once.


Under Attack!

March 16, 2010

Once again we are under attack.

How do we know? Good question…. here it goes….

All rulers in all ages have tried to impose a false view of the world upon their followers (1984). We’re offering you a “special worldview.” This allows us to propagate our pure doctrines, but being so pure we are often under attack. By keeping everyone focused on the errors of others, we can thwart any ideas that we harbour any ourselves. Online Discernment Ministries are sort of like a perpetual motion machine. This machine needs a lot of hot air (ie energy) to perpetuate itself. If we run our of errors, we run out of an excuse for a ministry.

That is why we assume we are ALWAYS under attack. That is our default. Our worldview revolves around us being right, and you being in horrendous error (always). We need to believe people are out to attack us, subvert our ministry or church….obviously because our doctrines are so pure that they are bound to be viciously undermined. We are the Online Discernment Remnant!!!!

Again. we need to spotlight all that is wrong in others, to avoid others seeing wrong in us. If we don’t promote fear and legalism, people are liable to take hold of God’s Grace.

Truthslayer


Big Brother

March 15, 2010

Our readers know that we have the best research robot monkeys that money can buy (or program, but not in a cult-like programming way!) This is what they have found regarding spiritual leadership…

We are to esteem our leaders… for their work (see first Thessalonians)

But again, discernmentalists are exempt. Our job is to accuse the brethren. Our job is to discernmentalize every move that Rick Warren, Rob Bell, Bill Hybels, Charles Colson, Charles Swindoll, NT Wright, Brian McLaren and Rob Bell makes….then  itemize, italicize, and criticize every word, thought or deed…especially their thoughts, like the ones that they do not write down, or speak about. When we’re not sure what the accused meant, we fill in the blanks to make them say what we think they will say. We say what they really mean. We are presumpteous (due to our rightousness) enough to discern this.

Remember, when we mean esteem, we mean attack.

We are Big Brother of the discernmentalist world!


Oh Those Horrible Baptists!

March 13, 2010

Typical unregenerate unrepentant Marxist Anabaptist heretic “turning the other cheek” and helping his enemies:

The story of Dirk Willems, who, when he heard that the sherif pursueing him for his Anabaptist beliefs had fallen through the ice, turned back to save him is often considered by Anabaptist hagiographers to be a key example of their practice of Christian charity.

 

Oh those horrible Baptists— how we despise their Doctrines! We Know that Baptists created Communism and Socialism to attack our Pure Protestant Reformed Doctrines of CalvinReagan and Capitalism. We Know that Karl Marx is a product of Baptist theology particularly the Anabaptist form of Baptist theology:

(Ana)Baptists of all countries — repent!

Karl Marx, himself a stepchild of the communistic Anabaptists, loved to enjoin: “Workers of the world — unite!”480 But, standing upon Scripture, Christian Calvinists now say to all such stepchildren: “Anabaptists of all countries — repent!”

We therefore call upon all of the various stepchildren of the Anabaptists — including justified Baptists; heretical Seventh-day Adventists; apostate “Jehovah witnesses”; polytheistic Mormons; and atheistic Communists — to repent of their great sin of antipaidobaptism (and of all their other sins).

Clearly  Baptists are in error for following the Bible in baptizing believers instead of following  Calvin’s Pure Doctrines of sprinkling infants. Communism and Socialism are what inevitably happens when one takes  the words of Jesus seriously in the Bible rather than following Calvin’s interpretation of the Bible exclusively. Jan Markell warns of following Jesus too literally:

They feel it is convenient to blot out the words of Paul on homosexuality and focus in on the good deeds Jesus talks about. Most are pacifists who reject an “eye for an eye” (Leviticus 24:19-20). They focus on Jesus’ words about helping the poor, ministering to “the least of these” (Matthew 25:40), loving our enemies, etc. That justifies abandoning hundreds, even thousands of condemning verses in the Bible they choose to wish away. That makes homosexuality OK and war wrong! And remember, Paul and the others in the Bible represent Jesus’ words. They were His spokesmen.
 
Some who believe this way practice a form of neo-Marxism and others would call it “Christian Marxism” — an oxymoron if there ever was one. They note that the early church shared everything (socialism).  A close cousin to this is “liberation theology.”
 
Those who are high profile in this movement include Jim Wallis, Tony Campolo, Brian McLaren and his Emergent bunch, and the National Council of Churches. Jim Wallis says, “In those red letters, Jesus calls us away from the consumerist values that dominate contemporary American consciousness.”  Translate that to mean he loathes capitalism and opts for socialism and/or communism.

We Know that “social justice”  is an evil word  and that John Calvin and Ronald Reagan had nothing to do with such a horrible thing as the Social Gospel and if they had nothing to do with social justice then Jesus certainly didn’t. Glenn Beck adds that “Social justice “is a perversion of the Gospel,” and “not what Jesus was saying” when He was teaching on justice and social sins. We agree and Know that the Socialist Gospel is a product of Credobaptism as Credobaptism denies the Pure Doctrines of “Original Sin” and “Total Depravity (Total Inabillity)” just listen to this heretical Baptist quote: “God imposes the necessity of sin on nobody.” My head is still shaking from all that Evilness! What an attack on God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath! Credobaptism in the words of GOIP Discernmentalist Sharin’ Whiplash is “man-exalting”:

 Certainly Credobaptism is evil since it promotes confusion this is why I Thank You, Lord, for Your servant, Jean Cauvin, without whom we would be still struggling in the darkness of Credobaptism, that man-exalting heresy! Besides Immersion sounds too much like the heresy of Emergent/Emerging or Emergence Christianity.

Truly anything man-exalting promotes Marxism, Communism and Socialism—this is why all Baptists are heretics. We along with Glenn Beck urge all Baptists to leave their Marxist Social Justice-promoting false churches and join a True Church that teaches the Pure Doctrines of Discernmentalists like The Protestant Reformed Churches in America, the Reformed Presbytery of North America, General Meeting (RPNA-GM) or the Reformed Presbyterian Church, Covenanted (RPCC)—just avoid the Presbyterian Church in America (PCA) like the plague as they are too soft  on Evolution and anti-theocracy and especially avoid the The Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) or PC (USA) as they are neither Presbyterian nor Christian.


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