New Bible-Based Card Game For Conservatives (True Christians)

We Know that Pokémon and Roleplaying Games in general are evil tools of Satan and the Anti-Christ. We Know that Dungeons &  Dragons is a gateway to the Occult and Socialism but we are very wary of Card-Based Roleplaying Games as well as they can lead to gambling. Pokémon is one of the worst as not only does this franchise promote the Occult and gambling but also evilution. This is why in order to be relevant to those seduced by these tools of Satan (but not relevant in an Emergent way), we’ve teamed up with David Tate to bring you a quality Discernmentalist card game for True Christians (Conservatives)—introducing  Discernmentalist Power Cards.

A rare Discernmentalist Power Card in Japanese explaining the history of God’s Only Inerrant Party to the Japanese and why we must take back Japan for Jesus. We don’t need any more Japanese cartoons corrupting our children to the Occult though we admire their Biblically correct Capitalistic ways. Notice the inversion of a GOIP symbol on the top left corner of the card—it is on there to subconsciously reinforce our Bible-Based Theocratic message.

Discernmentalist Power Cards is a Card-Based Roleplaying type game which offers Absolutely True Factual Discernmentalist information to players. Discernmentalist facts that players will learn:

  • The Absolute Truth aka our Infallible and Inerrant interpretation of the Holy Bible—the only True Word Of God 
  • Capitalist values such as legalized gambling of other people’s futures away
  • the American Gospel
  • Pure Doctrines
  • True  Doctrine is only hundreds of years old instead of thousands
  • Creationism
  • The Gospel (Good News) is Dortian Supralapsarian Calvinism not God’s Revelation of God’s Self in Jesus Christ
  • Capitalism is Biblical
  • Bible-Based figures such as Calvin and Beza
  • Discernmentalist history such as the Crusades; the Inquisition; the Protestant Reformation especially the superiority and supremacy of Calvin and Calvinism; why Theocracy is Biblically correct; the burning of Servetus; the Salem Witch Trials; the rise of Fundamentalism, the Religious Right and the GOIP; etc.
  • Puritanism and Discernmentalism
  • And much, much more…

Discernmentalist Power Cards: You gotta collect them all!

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17 Responses to New Bible-Based Card Game For Conservatives (True Christians)

  1. Jesus Reyes says:

    Being a UU, Even 450 years later, I am still pissed about Michael Servetus. That was completely unnecessary. Calvin burned the man in a fire fueled by slow-burning green wood and his own books.

    “The blood of martyrs is the seed of the Church.”, so John Calvin has no one to thank but himself for first, Unitarianism and then, Universalism and now Emergent Theology.

    So to sum up, let me just say this, go to hell, John Calvin.

    Like

    • People's Cube says:

      “Being a UU, Even 450 years later, I am still pissed about Michael Servetus.”

      You are without doubt the oldest UU I have ever run across! I hope you were standing back far enough so that you didn’t get singed or anything.

      ““The blood of martyrs is the seed of the Church.”, so John Calvin has no one to thank but himself for first, Unitarianism and then, Universalism and now Emergent Theology.”

      There used to be a book called “Games People Play”. I believe that blaming Calvin for deviations from orthodoxy would fall under the heading of “See What You Made Me Do”. I think Schleiermacher and Spong deserve at least a little credit for the creativity and effort they made in concocting their own theologies out of their own imaginations, don’t you?

      Poor Servetus! *sniff* Who cares if he was right, or even coherent? But take heart, dear Jesus Reyes. You have the support of a retired golfer named Kermit Zarley who agrees with you about Servetus, against the combined thought of Athanasius, Calvin, Luther, Hodge, Warfield, Vos, …

      One question about UU’s though, if UU’s don’t believe in God or an afterlife anymore, what do the U’s actually stand for? What is ‘Unified’? What [ salvation? ] is ‘Universal’?

      Like

  2. People's Cube says:

    In general, comrade, I agree with your points. We need to steer people away from wholesome, moral literature and towards Pokemon and board games by mocking those who oppose them! People who spend their days rolling 20 sided dice and playing Yu-Gi-Oh are far less likely to think for themselves, which could cause them to question our advanced Socialist ideas and examine our intentions.

    We must train people in Pokemon, so that like you they will be able to use their vast Pokemon knowledge in order to give sophisticated refutations of Biblical, orthodox Christianity, as you have done so ably here.

    But I think you need to be more careful in some of your wording, lest the readers forget which side is being referred to, and pick up misconceptions. In particular:

    * Capitalist values such as legalized gambling of other people’s futures away

    Better not to mention this. The proletariat might actually do some research and discover that the Capitalist swine invest their own money, not other people’s! They may also discover that we the Marxists wish to suppress other people’s futures by confiscating their property and preventing them from bettering themselves through hard work and innovation. In summary, just focus on the ‘rights’ the proletariat have that can only be given to them by the government taking away someone else’s property. Keep it simple.

    * Pure Doctrines

    But we want the new Christians to hold pure doctrines! We just want them to be our doctrines, not pure Biblical doctrines.

    * True Doctrine is only hundreds of years old instead of thousands

    Again be careful. The proletariat may eventually figure out that Marxism is not thousands of years old! That darned internet again! When will Cass Sunstein approve the fairness doctrine so we can edit the internet and make sure they are not burdened with information that only *we* have the ability to process correctly?

    * Capitalism is Biblical

    I agree with this, Comrade. We want a society like Revelation 13 with a Socialist State controlled economy!

    * Bible-Based figures such as Calvin and Beza

    Hah hah! Nice one, comrade! Perhaps someday after our glorious revolution succeeds, we can have Jim Wallis and Brian McLaren rewrite the People’s Bible. We can even erect giant statues of Saint Jim and Saint Brian in Washington for people to genuflect in front of. We will burn/delete all copies of the dangerous works of those Capitalist swine, Calvin and Beza!

    * The Gospel (Good News) is Dortian Supralapsarian Calvinism not God’s Revelation of God’s Self in Jesus Christ

    Don’t use those words! People might get curious, google them and discover that the two concepts are not mutually exclusive! We want to *prevent* thinking, not *encourage* it! Stick to simple ad hominem character attacks.

    * Puritanism and Discernmentalism

    I spit on the Puritans! Who needs their work ethic anyways? I should have the right to have all sorts of good stuff just by taking other peoples’ property! After all, property is theft in the first place!

    * “Discernmentalist history such as the Crusades; the Inquisition; the Protestant Reformation especially the superiority and supremacy of Calvin and Calvinism; why Theocracy is Biblically correct; the burning of Servetus; the Salem Witch Trials; the rise of Fundamentalism, the Religious Right and the GOIP; etc.”

    If only those darned Crusaders hadn’t have stopped the Muslims from overrunning Europe! We’d at least have a Universal State by now. But you correctly perceive that we must rewrite history in order to discredit the crusaders. He who controls the Past controls the Future, and he who controls the Present controls the Past. Too bad we don’t quite control the present, but we can certainly give a few out of context historical events (as you ably do here) in order to try to discredit Christianity as a whole using the actions of a few. To be honest, personally, I think that compared to the glorious purges of Stalin, the Inquisition were pathetically puny, merciful, and fair by comparison. The conservative Christians lack the ruthlessness of their convictions, which explains why they are losing now!

    Your affectionate Comrade,

    Wishing you well in the glorious work that you do.

    Like

  3. semperreformundo says:

    The poster above me proves that satire can be unfunny.

    Thanks to the makers of this site for not being unfunny like the guy above me.

    I am so glad someone is finally protecting our soveriegn lord from the church. I have been waiting 2,000 years for it! Thankfully God somehow held it together for that long until you were able to step in and take it from here!

    Seriously hilarious stuff! Well, I mean…the other discerners have been unintentionally hilarious for a while..but it’s about time someone gets intentional about it! I’ll be reading and posting!

    Like

    • People's Cube says:

      Who’s being satirical? If my words bother you, perhaps you do not really believe in our glorious cause. Have I hit a nerve? If so, perhaps you’d better join the capitalist fundamentalist swine and stop polluting the meta with your subversive comments. And which sovereign lord are you referring to? Obama? He’s certainly no friend of the church…

      Like

    • People's Cube says:

      “Thankfully God somehow held it together for that long until you were able to step in and take it from here!”

      I realize you wrote this when you thought I was being satirical, but I really must admire how skillfully you play them, comrade! When the Christian religion agrees with what we want, we tell them “Jesus would want you to do this”. When it disagrees with our goals, we tell them, “If you really believed God is sovereign, you’d do nothing!”. Hah ha! The proletarian, opiated stooges!

      Like

  4. Jesus Reyes says:

    “One question about UU’s though, if UU’s don’t believe in God or an afterlife anymore, what do the U’s actually stand for? What is ‘Unified’? What [ salvation? ] is ‘Universal’?”

    Every UU will have to speak for themselves. As for me, let me just admire you for having figured out the entirety of eternity – very impressive. If my choice is to spend that eternity with you or take my chances elsewhere, I’m definitely elsewhere. But have fun, though. Sounds like a riot. In the meantime, I the challenge is, as it was then, how to get through this life without someone, like you, trying to send me to the eternity that you have so impressively figured out, *sniff*

    Like

  5. Arthur McJohn says:

    In the end Mr People´s cube is proud of people burning heretics in the name of Christ… no surprise, since Mr People´s Cube is just a gringo hijueputa

    Like

  6. Arthur McJohn says:

    “I spit on the Puritans! Who needs their work ethic anyways? I should have the right to have all sorts of good stuff just by taking other peoples’ property! After all, property is theft in the first place!”

    Ohh, yes. Those puritans had to work hard to get rid of indians, so we could have a protestant work ethic-led society to feel proud of. There are many robbers and thieves, capitalists and comunists alike. I’d liek you to put in the place of a displaced peasant to then say that “poor people is poor because of their laziness”.

    Honestly, I don’t give a crap if you want to be capitalist and criticize socialism. I just get tired of people telling me this or that ideology/party is the only christian one. But well… I’m just a southamerican poking fun at your christendomist beliefs.. you are the only one who is right!

    Like

    • People's Cube says:

      “Those puritans had to work hard to get rid of indians”

      And of course the Indians never fought and oppressed other tribes. We must channel the bitterness and envy of the losers into the belief that they have been wronged somehow! How psychologically astute of you!

      “I’m just a southamerican”

      The worldwide revolution has not yet succeeded. I suggest you stay where you are. You can do more good there.

      Like

  7. People's Cube says:

    Hmmm… looking again at the posted graphic, I see the People’s Photoshop still has a few issues that need to be debugged. Perhaps we need to humble ourselves and use the software developed by capitalist swine, at least until the revolution succeeds and we will have no need to be clever enough to figure out how to seamlessly integrate images into pre-existing ones.

    Then Microsoft Paint will be the new People’s Photoshop!

    Like

  8. Arthur McJohn says:

    Maybe the capitomunistic (or is it comupitalistic?) China will someday develop a cheaper software that will not be so good as the former.

    Like

  9. Arthur McJohn says:

    And I suggest you the same: please never get out of your house

    Like

  10. Arthur McJohn says:

    People cube:

    yes, you make a good point about leftist bias. Slavery and genocide are not exclusive of western christianity. But anyway you seem to be very proud of it only because you belong to the “winner’s” side. And yes, losers have been wronged, we can’t deny this. So have bad luck with your fight to legitimate a christendom that has nothing to do with Christ…

    I think it’s time to get back to honouring the satirical nickname of Arthur McJohn

    Like

  11. […] New Bible-Based Card Game For Conservatives (True Christians) « The Online Discernmentalist Ma… […]

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  12. I imagine the cause that most of the preceding shows were so fashionable is due to the primary source was also quite fashionable.Equated to the likes of Paradise Kiss, Honey and Clover and Harataki Man,I believe not many individuals learnt of the primary manga of Sarai-ya Goyou or the novel of Tatami Galaxy before the anime were announced.

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  13. damien says:

    i feel sick…..i’ve got a headache…… i think i’ll go watch some pokemon reading christian rants is not a good idea right meow…..

    Like

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