June 30, 2010
Eric Barger reveals “The REAL Purpose of the Church” by giving a sneak preview of what’s in store for all True ODM Churches in these Last Days. What’s in store for all Pure ODM Churches taking a stand for Absolute Truth you may ask? Why! Nothing but the blessed rapture! (Thanks to one of our Reasearch Robot Monkeys for catching this).
However we are not quite satisfied with that answer as we are not quite in the Last Days of this Great Tribulation of Emergent apostasy—because of this we must continue to stand for Truth so that we will be ready—Rapture Ready when the blessed rapture occurs before Jesus returns and comes to slay all the non-Elect unregenerate reprobates.
Are you ready? Here is our list of what one must do to be ready in order to prepare for the blessed rapture:
- Unconditionally support every act of Israel even their acts of terrorism
- Unconditionally support USA-brand Imperialism
- Vote Obama and every Democrat out of office
- Smoke a Spurgeon-approved cigar
- Buy 667 copies of John MacArthur’s book The Truth War: Fighting for Certainty in an Age of Deception and leave one copy everywhere you go just in case one of the regenerate predestined Elect accidently stumbles upon a copy and awakens to their status of being among the regenerate predestined Elect
- Outlaw all abortion and homosexuality
- Use only a King James AV1611 Bible or ESV
- Burn any copy of Rick Warren’s Purpose Driven Life, Brian McLaren’s books or any other Emergent type book that you come across preferably while performing a Bible-Based animal sacrifice or while burning Emergent heretics themselves
- Read only the Online Discernmentalist Mafia, The Official Blog Of God’s Only Inerrant Party, Ken Silva and other ODMs to get your facts]
- Continue to be ever-vigilant and ever-valiant in your stand for our Absolute Biblical Truth
June 30, 2010
We are 5 Pointers.
Point Number 1) We are Neither, a 1, 2 ,3 or 4 solas alone.
Point Number 2) We are Neither 5.1, or 4.9, but 5 solas alone
Point Number 3) We believe in Sola energy, alone.
Point Number 4) Our Solas are pure Solas. These solas are alone.
Point Number 5) Our Sola’s are by themselves. Apart. Alone. So alone they are lonely.
We alone truly assent to these 5 solas alone. It is simply because we are so biblical. We are extra concerned (more so than the Concerned Nazerenes). We Take A Stand, where mere mortals simply want to sit. We have a backbone for apprising the truth, when others have none. We refuse to take a small slice from laodicea, and will not tolerate the use of a herescope.We do this alone. We exemplify the 5 solas.
June 29, 2010
We believe that as a truth warrior, we have the right to be inconsistent. For instance, we can state that we must agree on essentials, and if need be fight over non-essentials….but yet in the next breath fight over non-essentials and defend our inconsistency as consistency. In fact we have the right to switch terms, play word games, mind games and reindeer games as needed. As long as we are defending the truth, we can bend the rules at will. Truth is weak and must be defended from the hordes (ie all those we disagree with) – that is anyone who asks difficult questions, thinks outside the box and try to upset the status quo.
PS Don’t disagree with us. Make your life more truthful by assenting to everything that we teach here at ODMAfia. Your soul with be soothed.
June 28, 2010
Dear fans of ODmafia,
You know my pedigree. I was born via wedded bible believing Republican parents, and was baptized as an adult believer. Moreover, I am a true bible believing double predestination Calvinist who listens to John MacArthur on the radio every morning, Todd Friel in the afternoon, and Apprising and Eric Barger in the evenings. I’m a strict adherent to God’s word, particularly ignoring the beatitudes which are reserved only for liberals and emergents….I’m so devout that I go on persecution binges to tease out those false teachers and heretics – pretty much everyone except those whom I approve of. As you know I’m meticulous about my observance of the word and therefore I more than anyone else take a true stand in defending the truth and discernmentalism. Please join me in Taking A Stand.
Remember, never doubt me. Never question my articles or missives. They are right because I am right and have crystal clear discernmentalist qualities. Doubt me and you should doubt your faith, and secretly harbouring liberal viewpoints.
June 27, 2010
In this made for discernmentalist TV show “Hex in the City” features witches that are pursued by mighty truth warriors trained exclusively on Walter Martin cassette tapes. Each week these witches are found, exposed for their lack of truth and then condemned. Think if this as groundhog day for truth warriors. However, each episode approaches these vile witches from various angles – but nevertheless they are also condemned (each week) in creative ways as well….
Catch it this fall on CBS!
June 24, 2010
There is never enough time to bludgeon heretics. Unfortunately, there is not enough time in a day to judge all false of their worldliness. But when we don’t have time to judge, point fingers and cry heresy there is a game to afford in advancing our discernmentalist skills. That is why ODMafia, in conjunction with ODM Games and Judgmental Pointing Devices has come up with a new game: BATTLE AXE.
Battle Axe, while fun for the whole ODM Family (TM), is at heart an educational discernmentalist game. First, you develop skills of speaking loudly but not listening. Second, you must follow this up by being very argumentative. Third and finally only then you must hone skills to attack, ravage, defame, and ostracize your opponent ….all the while allowing you to further increase your false accusations and skillfully articulate your verbal abusive acuity. Indeed, the experts in this game are able to cloak gossip & slander in the guise and claims of mighty righteousness and ministry. If you get that far in this game and equally disparage your opponent… you have won the game and are ready for real life discernmentalism.
Truthslayer endorsed…of course!
PS Other games available include Never Sorry! Discernmentalist Twister, Build a Pharisee, and Theocapitalist Monopoly and Wac-Emergent,
June 19, 2010
Fellow discernmentalists….we are under attack (AGAIN!!!!!) Our research robot monkeys found the following quote to prove that our mighty ministries are being undermined:
“Jesus’ parable of the Pharisee and the publican (aka tax collector) is something that many of us cling to. This world is lousy with Pharisees (particularly as described in this parable) and the advent of the blogosphere just gave them a bigger bully pulpit and a louder megaphone. Trying to disabuse readers of some of their silliness — more specifically, trying to help others avoid the pain brought to me by the Pharisees in my own life — is one of the primary reasons that I write.”
Emphasis here on calling TRUTH WARRIORS PHARISEES (evidence #1) and therefore this attacker of truth will WRITE/BLOG (evidence #2).Moreover, the lies continue with accusatory remarks of “sillyness” and references to us being a “bully pulpit ” (evidence #3). We may be called bullies because you are too weak to stand for the truth…but we….WE are are not bullies. We are simply bold in the truth and you are too weak kneed and spineless to Take A Stand. This blogger obviously did not learn true apologetics from Walter Martin Cassette Tapes.
I cannot stand these ingrates attacking Online Discernment Ministerial truth. It just makes me sick to my stomach to listen to such venom.
Therefore I am calling all true discernmentalists together for the mother (not Mary mother of Jesus) of all true wars.
PS this notorious attacker of truth also suggested that truth warriors like us should try humility. That is subversive talk to shut us up. Its another way of warping the bible to keep bullies for truth quiet. We won’t stand for it.
June 18, 2010
Many do not realize Bob Barker was an original ODM. Here is a clip and when you see it, you will understand completely.
June 18, 2010
Trigger warning: A creepy, old, male theologian talks about oral sex while repeatedly using words like “copulation,” “genitals,” and “breasts.”
With all this talk about a gay cartoon rat-agenda I’ve been hearing from Don I needed to bring out this PSA from our past to you from us with new commentaries:
This PSA brought to you by the letters J & P and the #1 as we’re #1 in our Absolute Certainty of our Absolute Biblical Truth ah… ah… ah…
(John) Piper (just like us) accepts
penile penal substitution as gospel and cannot navigate a casual conversation without picking tulips. (Our many enemies) find much of his theology (and ours) to be suspect at best and abominable at worst, but (they are) especially concerned by his (and our) low view of women, whom he thinks should ideally adopt a subservient role in society, not only within their own marriages and churches. He has also stated he thinks wives should endure spousal abuse for a season, for instance, if her husband merely “smacks her around one night.” (By the way, the #MeToo movement came after Paige “Fried Chicken” Patterson recently for similar abhorrent remarks. When is it coming for John Piper?!?) (Anyways) Piper also likes to field questions from his adoring fans, often about sex, which are usually about exciting and fun as listening to your grandfather talking about the subject. If you don’t know anything about John Piper, this video will help. Bring your own vomit bag.
Anyways this is why we must absolutely forbid the appearance of gayness even by straight couples as gayness is an abomination—so remember all we told you…why…because…