Never fear….Judgmental Man is here

June 2, 2010

Look – its a bird! Its plain….its Judgmental Man!

As any discernmentalist knows Judgmental Man is the greatest discernmentalist hero! No one can out-do Judgmental Man.

If he sees someone at a coffee shop with a bad word on his shirt, or a disreputable woman at a well…. he is the first to judge!

If he catches a band of rowdies getting ready to eat & not ritually washing their hands….he is the first to judge!

If he catches someone who does not have the same theological positions as him….he is the first to judge!

If sees a bum on the street he challenges them by suggesting “Why don’t you get a job – you deadbeat!”

In fact there is nothing like condemning the condemned.

What we need in this world is more moralism. Its about being clean on the outside, looking good, and feeling good – like Judgemental Man. Don’t for a second think it is about an inward washing! When Judgmental man is accused of being judgmental he reminds them that what he really does is DISCERNMENT MINISTRY, then selectively quotes to show us how we should be so discerning. If only we could entertain more judgment…and true Christianity would be brought forth in our mighty militaristic, mammon loving nation (which we approve of).

Finally I remember these words that I will treasure always “For God so hated the world that he begrudgingly gave His only Son so that those selected may become mighty discernmentalists.” We rejoice that Judgmental Man gathers  followers who have an itching ear for all the ills of the Christian faith and loves to peddle his wares on DVD.

Your mightiest truthwarrior -Truthslayer

PS Remember if you act now, i have a new DVD called “Acting Like Evil is Normal” for $19.99…call now and get free Kraft Dinner with every order!


Martin Luther Backs Socialists: Chapter The First

June 2, 2010

 

We are proud to present to you a moment from Discernmentalist Revised History uncut and uncensored: This is a tale about the Original Tea Partiers 4 Jesus and how they revolted against the Big  Bad Government and the Big Name who stood against them and opposed them. The cast of characters include: a bunch of peasants (the Original Tea Partiers 4 Jesus), the Holy Roman Emperor (Big Brother) and the Big Name who stood with Big Brother against the Original Tea Partiers 4 Jesus—that Big Name of course is Martin Luther (evil Neo-Marxist Red-Letter Christian prototype).

Our tale is a tale of sadness and woe; torture and families; the rich and the poor; the old and young; of death and taxes. Our tale begins in 1524 when the Peasants (Tea Partiers 4 Jesus) who were fed up with being heavily taxed decided to rebel (but not in a Romans 13-denying way as Romans 13 doesn’t apply to the rebellions of Conservative Bible-Believers only Liberals and Theologians who lied to Hitler to protect Jews even John MacArthur told us so) against the Holy Roman Emperor (the Big Bad Evil Socialist Government).

At first Martin Luther (our anti-hero and anti-Reagan of this story) agreed that the Peasants (Tea Partiers 4 Jesus) deserved a break from their taxes especially those who were extremely wealthy by Medieval standards (meaning they privately owned at least one cow)—so all the Peasants (Tea Partiers 4 Jesus) drew up a plan to lobby for tax cuts for the richest and most wealthiest among them. I mean why should they have to share their privately owned cattle or any other privately owned property with the government that only protects them and makes them secure. Why should they have to share with anyone for that matter as  sharing is Communism and as we all know:

The Bible mandates free market capitalism. It is anti-socialist. When Christianity adheres to the judicial specifics of the Bible, it produces free market capitalism.

On the other hand, when Christianity rejects the judicial specifics of the Bible, it produces socialism or some politically run hybrid “middle way” between capitalism and socialism, where politicians and bureaucrats make the big decisions about how people’s wealth will be allocated. Economic growth then slows or is reversed. Always.

To be continued in the next exciting part of our installments of  Discernmentalist Revised History—stay tuned for the conclusion of our tale in Martin Luther Backs Socialists: Chapter The Second…


%d bloggers like this: