“The REAL Purpose of the Church.”

 

Eric Barger reveals “The REAL Purpose of the Church” by giving a sneak preview of what’s in store for all True ODM Churches in these Last Days. What’s in store for all Pure ODM Churches taking a stand for Absolute Truth you may ask? Why! Nothing but the blessed rapture! (Thanks to one of our Reasearch Robot Monkeys for catching this).

However we are not quite satisfied with that answer as we are not quite in the Last Days of this Great Tribulation of Emergent apostasy—because of this we must continue to stand for Truth so that we will be ready—Rapture Ready when the blessed rapture occurs before Jesus returns and comes to slay all the non-Elect unregenerate reprobates.

Are you ready? Here is our list of what one must do to be ready in order to prepare for the blessed rapture: 

  • Unconditionally support every act of Israel even their acts of terrorism
  • Unconditionally support USA-brand Imperialism
  • Vote Obama and every Democrat out of office
  • Smoke a Spurgeon-approved cigar
  • Buy 667 copies of John MacArthur’s book The Truth War: Fighting for Certainty in an Age of Deception and leave one copy everywhere you go just in case one of the regenerate predestined Elect accidently stumbles upon a copy and awakens to their status of being among the regenerate predestined Elect
  • Outlaw all abortion and homosexuality
  • Use only a King James AV1611 Bible or ESV
  • Burn any copy of Rick Warren’s Purpose Driven Life, Brian McLaren’s books or any other Emergent type book that you come across preferably while performing a Bible-Based animal sacrifice or while  burning Emergent heretics themselves 
  • Read only the Online Discernmentalist Mafia, The Official Blog Of God’s Only Inerrant Party, Ken Silva and other ODMs to get your facts]
  • Continue to be ever-vigilant and ever-valiant in your stand for our Absolute Biblical Truth

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 30th, 2010 at 11:38 pm and is filed under (Christian) Zionism, Absolute Biblical Truth, Absolute Clarity, absolute truth, Absolutely Certain Truth, Aperising Minsitries, Apostate Film Productions, Apprising Ministries, Arminians go to hell, AV1611-King Jimmy's Book, balloonboy, Bible-Based Tests, bible-believing, Bibliolatry isn't idolatry, bumper stickers, Concerned Nazarenes, Deformata, Discernmentalese, Discernmentalist Preparatory Test, Divisional Ecumenism, Divisionism, Dominionism Rocks!, Elect vs. non-Elect, Elitists, emergent, emerging church, Eric Bargers Take A Stand Ministries, False vs. True Converts, fear mongering, Final President Reagan, First Calvinist Church of the Non-Elect, Gloom and dispair, Go therefore and Blog!, God's Absolute Sovereign Wrath, God's Only Inerrant Party, GOIP Productions, GOIP Products, High tech stuff, Holy Conspiracy Theories Batman!, I*segesis, Illuminati, Illuminati Party, Isreal, it's all about me, John Macarthur, Judgement Day, judgemental, judging others for fun and profit, Ken Silva, Left Behind, mental gymnastics, Mobile Discenmentalism Unit, NWO, Obama, Obamanation, Pat Robertson, Post-modern, Post-modern unbelievers, Premillenial Dispensationalism, Pure Doctrines, purposeless driven life, Rapture believers, Research Robot Monkeys, Researchmentalism, Secret Order of Discernmentalist United in Ministry, Secret Order of the ODM, Sedewhitehousists, sound bible teaching, Spiritual Terrorists, Spread the fear, spread the hate, take a stand, The good old days, The Rapture, Tim LaHaye, time is running out!, tinfoil hat theology, To The Conspiracy Cave Boy-Wonder!, True Churches vs. False Churches, Us vs. them!, war not love, Ways of the Master Discernmentalist, We are not bigots you reprobates., We are not idiots you reprobates., we are not like them!, We are not terrorists!, We are right because we are Right Wing!, We Are Robot Puppet Zombies On The Strings Of Our Angry Sovereign God Of Vengeful Wrath, Westboro Baptist, What Would John MacArthur Do?, WRATH not love, WWJMD?. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

2 Responses to “The REAL Purpose of the Church.”

  1. Jesus Reyes says:
    July 1, 2010 at 1:25 am

    All except insertion of the self serving plug of this blog which is ridiculous and probably idolatrous, this is a very handy list. I am assuming that this is also what one must do to be saved.

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  2. truthslayer says:
    July 1, 2010 at 9:41 am

    What godly person would not support imperialism and oppression?

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