Black Friday ready!

November 27, 2010

We at ODMafia are BLACK FRIDAY ready. Discernmentalists traditionally  ignore consumerism, capitalism or anything else that would undermine the America Way of Life….and this is with good reason. A true discernmentalist believes that the American Way of Life is the Christian Way of Life. To say one is to accept the other and vice-versa. That is why we have introduced SAFE-BUY. It is a credit card made by discernmentalists for discernmentalists.

The card, carefully engineered will prevent you from buying purchases that could cause you to become a heretic or a liberal. In the event that you mistakenly try to buy NOOMA DVD’s the card will red-flag this purchase and the cashier will be instructed to slap you in the face. Instead you will be directed to purchase bible-believing DVD’s that help you to fear, worry and fret. In addition, you will learn how misquoting speakers will give you impressions that almost everyone in the church is a heretic, giving you the gnostic impression – you and only you have an side track on all things false.

Moreover, discernmentalist DVD’s will help to shape a cartoon, binary universe that will ensure that only those who say “Bible Believing” are the only ones telling the truth. Remember, discenrmentalist DVD’s don’t use the dodgy marketing techniques that other false ministries use, rather only the biblically righteous methods.

Remember this card is patriotic!

Truthslayer endorsed!

PS this card will provide absolute certainty


Bible Believing – says Take A Stand!

November 26, 2010

If your ministry states that they “are bible believing,” then it must be true. Bible believing is code word for believing the bible better, stronger, faster than others…and in particular Roman Catholics, Anglicans, emergents, liberals, NT Wright and Rob Bell (who are really not Christians at all, but false wanna-be-bible believers-who-don’t really want to believe.) I hope that makes sense. If you are not a bible believer you won’t get this.

You won’t catch Rob Bell saying he’s “bible believing,” and we would not believe him regardless.

Stating the phrase “bible believing” often, lots, many times, and more often than others makes you a bonafide hard-core bible-believing-ministry. What other option is there? Remember, saying “bible believing” is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Say it enough and you believe it, even if its not true.

Thus when Eric Barger’s Take A Stand Ministries states “we are bible believing” that means that every time they “discern” another ministry and tear it down, they do so only because they are bible-believing. If they won’t stand up for truth, who would?

We would.

In the same way, we at ODMafia are a  bible believin’ ministry ourselves trying to get by, with all these ungodly unbiblical ministries (**ROB BELL ALERT**) that we must contend with. We do get some opposition, but this is because legions of darkness are against us because we are simply trying to uphold the  simple truth.

How could true bible believers oppose a bible  believin’ ministry?

Truthslayer

Take A Stand’s bible believing mantra of over 20 times affirms that they are truly bible believing. It has to be true….they said it.


The Demarcation Line – Part 2 (Don’t rock the boat!)

November 19, 2010

We support Eric’s mighty stand. Do you????

He notes “Now, just as in the “Age of the Apologist” (2nd century AD), when Bible believers rock the boat of the liberals, Emergents, and cultists, etc., particular individuals whose comfort zone has been violated react negatively against us.”

Translation: Rocking the boat equals asking questions about our current biblical assumptions (ie foundationalism, attachment to nationalism & modernism), assuming not everything the Reformers noted as gospel truth, critical thinking, questioning literalism or being pro-peace (which is really a form of anti-christ marxism), opposing strawman arguments and misapprehending truth.

Moreover, if you do not hold to a modernistic biblical worldview….you are a liberal emergent , or just plain emergent or worse (really its all the same, there is no point in any form of critical thinking here). Remember, if you do not agree with Take A Stand Ministries you are categorically a liberal (we support this view).

Don’t rock the boat. Just believe Eric’s Take A Stand Ministries when he states that they “bible believing folk” because that means that those in opposition to straw man attacks, adhominem arguments are simply anti-bible.

Remember we need to use whatever methods work to defend the truth, even if they are not truthful.

Truthslayer


Eric Barger’s Take A Stand suggests churches true purpose ‘file not found’

November 15, 2010

We at ODMafia used to think that the Eric Barger’s Take A Stand Ministries truly took a real stand. Just when we thought his great and mighty ministry would proclaim the TRUE purpose of the church (not like other Purpose Driven books)…he let us down.

Don’t believe us….try his purposeless driven link. Sadly this only goes to prove that ODMafia may be the only true bible believing truth proclaimer left on the internet.

Truthslayer


The Demarcation Line – Part 1

November 13, 2010

The mighty Take A Stand Ministries (TSM) doest maketh a procaimation.

“As you know, it is not my goal to try to make everyone happy. That’s not the nature of the work of apologetics. This is not a “warm a fuzzy,” “feel good” ministry and our objective is to expose error,” indeed, this is a feel bad ministry..…the purpose of true ministry.  Moreoever “our objective is to expose error, cut through confusion, and examine beliefs and practices both in and out of the Church in the light of biblical truth.” Translation – we teach online-discernmentalist truth, which is truth + lightbulb. In other words online-discernmentalist has extra light, MORE so than everyone else…because its bible based (because we say it is). We cut through stuff no one else can cut. When there isn’t anything to expose we see stuff that isn’t there with the specially built Bible Based Bible Belt decoder & Bible Based Satellite.

But….just a careful reminder, we  online-discernmentalists are just simple bible believers….believing the very plain words of God (we wish you could be like us).  We will pray for you.

your humble Truthslayer

PS TSM does not use the marketing techniques like other non-bible ministries…but biblical marketing techniques that are ODMafia approved.


Keep fear alive!

November 11, 2010

With the all new MIND CONTROL SPRAY (researched by ODMAFIA) – you simply apply the spray to any clear thinking person rejects your illogical lines of random and ill conceived thoughts. Whomever is sprayed will begin to succumb to such as phrases as “bible believing,” “absolute biblical truth,” and “bible based, ” as a form of self-affirming circular logic. Because we say its true…it is true  Using these phrases coupled with almost any idea imaginable will enable someone under control of the MIND CONTROL SPRAY to appreciate any insight you have as “bible believing” etc. In addition, if you suffer from any latent paranoia regarding the potential for false teaching this will aid in bringing your fears to an entirely new level. With MIND CONTROL SPRAY you will quickly begin referring everyone who does not measure up to your perfect doctrine as unAmerican, unbiblical, liberal, left-wing, emergent, catholic, anglican, liberal-biased, heretic, communist, democrat, socialist, marxist, peaceniks and anti-semite.

Bible based slander is needed in these troubling times….be sure to order yours today!

Truthslayer endorsed.

PS Use two squirts of Mind Control to reduce any peace loving, anti-war sentiment.


How a pastor must handle the New Believer who comes to your church

November 3, 2010

When a new believer comes to your church you need to understand Jesus is not done with them yet. This gives you the pastor and staff the opportunity to create this new believer in YOUR image instead of the image of Jesus. Often the new believer is confused as to what is happening to them. They only know that their sense an inner change they never knew before. Often these people feel compelled by some outside source to read the bible and as we all know that could lead to strange beliefs like loving others, forgiveness of others, a desire to give up some bad habits and so on. While not all of those things are bad and some are good, we must remember the new believer is like a tender twig that can be bent whatever way we desire. So, here is the anatomy of a New Believer (NB) that we must create in OUR image (just like in Genesis remember?)

1. The head: We first help them realize they have no brain and must give up any type of thinking contrary to our doctrines.

2. Eyes: Now that God has opened their eyes to see Him, we must train the NB what to see (the offering plate) and what not to see (the street person who has real need).

3. Ears: God has opened their ears so now you the pastor must make sure that they only hear those approved things the doctrines let us hear. You must also train the NB to deny some things they may have heard and confuse them to believe they heard things YOU want them to hear when they actually never did.

4. Nose: The NB must learn fast how to hold their nose up in contempt of lesser deserving Christians saved by Grace.

5. The arms: Designed to hold others, must be used to hold people away.

6. The heart: God gave them a new heart, your job as a pastor is to keep it from truly expressing that new heart and hold it in confusion with political ideas that conflict with what God is telling them.

7. The shoulders: While God has lifted the great burden the NB once shouldered, your job as a pastor is to begin to add new burden (church growth projects or the church building program) so they will begin to do things in the flesh and not the Spirit.

8. The stomach: Sometimes a NB will begin to feel nauseas at some of your teaching, as they will want to do silly things like tell their friends (those who we deem unworthy for our churches like gay people for instance). Appease the NB by telling them about conferences that talk about 10 ways to a better prayer life or 10 ways to tithe more.

9. The reproductive organs. Let me get this clear to all of you. When you come to Jesus there is no sex except between a man and his wife. If you have any sexual urges outside of marriage, you are abnormal and perverted! God did not give you sex organs for pleasure, just ask my wife about that!

10. The Spine: You must remove it so the NB will not stand up against you!

11. The Skin: It must become thick enough to not care about those laughing at the NB while they are standing on a corner shouting anti abortion or anti gay slogans, yet thin enough that you the pastor can still get under and make the NB uncomfortable if they do not try to please you!

12. Feet. The feet must be hobbled so the NB will not be able to leave. One technique is to make them feel sense of loyalty by stating things like “We are a family here, you can’t just leave your family,” or “God set the pastor over you so you cannot just disobey God by leaving.” This will buy you time as you the pastor work out a new way to confuse so that you may abuse the New Believer that may come to your church.

Just remember, it is much easeir to keep your church going with techniques like these than to trust the Holy Spirit in someone else to guide them. By controling the NB, you can ensure a new generation of believers who will focus on building programs and keeping you the pastor in a stable income.


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