John Piper On The Southeastern Storm System

(Reuters)- In a meeting of Discernmentalists with John Piper about the storm system that ravaged areas of the Southeast this weekend, Mike Morrell quasi-Mystical Universalist Emergence Guru and his Emergent Cohort were mentioned often. In the meeting Piper said that he believes that Emergent Cohorts and Emergent Postmodern types of Christians among the South are directly responsible for all the damage caused by this storm system. He is quoted as saying: ” The storm system in the Southeast was a gentle but firm warning to Emergents and Mike Morrell’s Emergent Cohort in particular: Turn from the approval of the sin of Postmodernism. Turn from the promotion of behaviors that lead to destruction.”

Piper is under the firm conviction that the storm system was a wake-up call and a taste of God’s Wrath being poured out to punish Emergent sinners for reading Rob Bell’s new book.  Sometime during the meeting Ken Silva overheard John Piper say: “Farewell Mike Morrell!”  Along with Ken Silva, several other top Discernmentalists were among the participants of the meeting including I. Todyaso and Don Jobson of the Online Discernmentalist Mafia who have already taken issue with Morrell’s Roman Catholic leanings and Emergent theology.

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18 Responses to John Piper On The Southeastern Storm System

  1. zoecarnate says:

    As much as Piper, Silva, et al’s interpretation is compelling, I was doing my usual routine of nude centering prayer (with much icons, incense, chanting, and apophatic silence) when I believe Sophia/Spirit spoke to me: S/he said that the real reason S/he sent the tornadoes is because of Advance 2011.

    Quoth the voice of Ruah: “An unholy mixture is taking place, wherein Calvinists and Missionals are joining their yokes upon Raleigh. Repent, therefore, or the apocalypse will draw nigh – through testosterone-fueled denials of patriarchy and global warming!”

    Let us watch and pray, brethren and sistren.

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    • donjobson says:

      Eeeek… an Emergent heretic in our midst—now I must get re-sanctified after reading about your demonic practices: “I was doing my usual routine of nude centering prayer (with much icons, incense, chanting, and apophatic silence).” Go back to your couches and candles in your Emergent Village.

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  2. […] John Piper On The Southeastern Storm System « The Online … […]

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  3. Brittian Bullock says:

    Hahaha. Oh this is good. I love it. Mike is undoubtedly the reason God has smitten (or is it “smoten”) Raleigh…that and all the highly educated triangle folk… Hahaha…so funny.

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  4. Nick Connell says:

    Say it ain’t so, Mike. You’re hilarious, though. Nice touch with the tags as well.

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  5. zoecarnate says:

    Oh, I didn’t write the initial post, Nick. Honest.

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  6. are you aware that Piper has been snorting powder from ground up copies of institutes of the christian religion?
    This explains a lot

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  7. […] In this candle-lit ashram there were a bunch of scantily-clad men and women participating in the usual routine Emergent rituals of nude centering prayer (with much icons, incense, chanting, and apophatic silence). There was a […]

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  8. Mason says:

    Well, I guess we can add “satire” to the list of things people use to justify hate and rancor.

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  9. Piper doesn’t use or understand the concept of satire as far as I am aware Mason

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  10. […] John Piper On The Southeastern Storm System « The Online … […]

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  11. Rob Smith says:

    Mother earth and feminine named storm systems enforcing the justification of the masculine pronoun from correct genitiliad pastors. Ah, revelation all makes sense.

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  12. Mike Stidham says:

    Piper’s follow up comments…”As for the people of Harrisburg, Illinois, in which there are no Emergents to be found anywhere…just collateral damage. Sucks to be you.”

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