Is this One of The Bibliophiles that Ray Comfort warned us about?

June 24, 2019

1471892718146

Bibliophile in the midst of his sinister act

We’ve already apprised you on God’s Only Inerrant Party that while he was working with us on our de-sinned Arthur episode that Ray Comfort warned us that Bibliophiles are the latest threat in the atheist assault on Bible-Believers. “If you call any other Christian on this page a ‘bibliophile’ I will ban you. I thought it was just another atheist insult, a cross between pedophile and Bible.”—Ray Comfort. Its worse than that though as our Herescopes have discovered a more sinister definition of Bibliophiles that is not an atheist insult.

Recently our Research Robot Monkey spies using our Herescopes have observed a Bibliophile in the midst of the act that fits our newly discovered definition: “a book lover (most likely atheists ie. Disney) assaulting our children with strange books or their love of books. Librarians are also suspect in this.” [This is why we’ve forbidden our wives and children from going to the library or even looking at one (even our own Discernmentalist libraries)].

Mrs. Truthslayer and Mrs. Jobson wanted us to add that not only are these strange books but they are scary as well—after hearing us talk about some of these strange and heretical Emergent books we’ve been discernmentalizing. They have no other choice as they agree with us in our Doctrines. They contain such scary information that we can only flee in horror—fearing and quaking in terror from only briefly glancing at it. In fact our wives were heard screaming as they heard us talking about the spiritually terrorizing information contained within these apostate Emergent books—information such as:

  • “I see the world through the images of Christianity, which teaches me that I encounter God in everyone I meet regardless of what they believe.”—Alan Jones
  • “Since the church has been one of the main perpetrators of parental fear-mongering, it’s only fair we take up the cause of creating a culture of parenting that is less about what we don’t want for our children and more about what we do want.”—Doug Pagitt

We suspect this is part of the reason that Ray Comfort considers Bibliophile an atheist insult. We too consider it an insult after researchmentalizing this vulgar word even further which is why we had to add it to the Second Volume of our Discermentalist Dictionary. Setting the record straight we Online Discernmentalists thankfully are not—I repeat not Bibliophiles—let alone book-lovers but we do love our Bible! On a related note: we’re now offering a special sale on some of our favorite Discernmentalist books.

Books we especially love most of all:

  • Truth Wars: Fighting for our certainty in an age of deception (the book that stared it all)
  • Hell best kept secrets (taught us fear and guilt evangelism)

Online Discernmentalist Ministries (ODM) Has Important Information For All Believers!

June 10, 2019

Psa

ODMs having a storehouse of valuable apologetics information states “There is no hint in the New Testament that the Apostles considered themselves agents of change in society.” A bystander who apparently never went to church but who did have some ‘off statements ‘suggested “Wasn’t your apostle Paul and that guy uhhhm James were they not instructed to take care of the poor, widows and orphans? …Didn’t Jesus change society by his healings and so on….I don’t know you guys are supposed to be experts” The Online Discernmentalist expediently moved in to shut this non-sense. An anonymous apologetic researcher noted that none of the Discernmentalists should have to put up with the unbiblical practice of taking care of the poor or even contemplating the fullness of the times. Besides fullness of times strikes us as far too mystical.

We at the Online Discernmentalist Mafia stand for truth, but not questions.

—-This PSA brought to you by Dr. Truthslayer.


Beating a Dead Horse: a Discernmentalist’s Favorite Pastime!

June 5, 2019

BiodegradableLegitimateAtlanticsharpnosepuffer-small

Dear ODMafia,

Why do you discuss the same topics over and over again.

Signed,

Slightly Annoyed

Dear Slightly Annoyed,

In case you are new to the world of Discernmentalism—we have to warn you of the same threats over and over again as this is the Truth War and beating a dead horse is our favorite pastime. Now we all  know that Postmodernism has already died and that we are in the Post-Postmodern Age now but as Discernmentalists we constantly live in the past. We must ever be slapping the church by beating dead horses as there are many Trojan Horses slipping through our gates.

And we do love beating our dead horses into people over and over and over again and again and again see:

  1. Here: When Christians call on unbelievers to conform to a certain “religious standard” without faith and repentance in Jesus Christ, we run the risk of leading them to believe that becoming a Christian means simply living a good life. No matter how many pieces of legislation become law and no matter the number of laws to which the unsaved conform, they are still lost in sin [so] when the church takes on the role of morality police…we are only addressing the symptoms of their unsaved condition. How can the unregenerate be anything less than they are? Their worldviews are the foundation of their values, and their values are the foundation of their conduct. Until their unbiblical worldviews are transformed into a biblical view through faith and repentance in Jesus Christ, they are slaves to sin.[Tragically], moralism is just as dangerous and deadly as outright liberalism. As John MacArthur has said, “It makes no difference if an unsaved person is for or against abortion, [is] a political liberal or a conservative, a prostitute or a police officer; he will spend eternity apart from God unless he repents and believes the gospel.”—Excerpts from Religious Trojan Horse by Brannon Howse.
  2. And here: As a long-time observer and critic of the EC, informed people are deeply grieved because those in the emerging movement—as with classic liberalism—are moving beyond mere syncretistic pluralism and embracing universalism; and furthermore, under the circus big tent this counterfeit version of the Christian faith has grown into a neo-liberal cult, complete with it’s denial of cardinal doctirnes of the Christian faith, it’s own leaders, and it’s own postmodern progressive/liberal theology. I’ll warn you again, you embrace these false prophets at your own peril.— CROOKED TALK FROM THE EMERGING CHURCH TROJAN HORSE
  3. Here again again: YWAM a religious trojan horse
  4. And again here again: The “Trojan horse” that has been accepted within every part of the church is a deception called contemplative prayer. Some call it meditation, soaking, or centering prayer. It is veiled in Christian lingo and justified by Scripture (used out of context or without correct definitions of words), but is full of occult techniques from eastern religions and witchcraft. The teachers of this perverted form of prayer encourage things like repeating words or phrases over and over for long periods of time in meditative prayer, visualizing images of Jesus, the Father, God’s throne, healings or light within themselves and many other occult practices. It can also be done by focusing on the rhythm of one’s breathing or an object like an icon or the flame of a candle. The goal is to quiet the mind through a passive eastern-style meditation as a way to connect with the “divine presence” and generate mystical/prophetic experiences like “visiting the third heaven” at will. Sadly, the primary perpetrators of spreading these demonic doctrines are many well-known and respected Evangelical, Charismatic, and Catholic ministers. Many of them are also operating in spirits of divination while claiming their abilities are from the Holy Spirit. Some of them are as sincere as the fireman who ran through the fire to rescue the baby, but they are terribly deceived. Others know exactly what they are doing because they are agents of Satan who are purposely trying to undermine and destroy good churches and true Christians. But regardless of the motives, these occult practices are opening people up to dangerous spirits and beliefs.

Personally we still believe the axis of liberal Emerging/Emergent socialist justice-seeking Purpose-driven seeker-sensitive semi-Pelagian Canadian un-American gay Roman Catholic feminist Muslim Arminian universalist democrat commie pansies who believe God is love and that His love wins are this Trojan Horse responsible for all that is evil in the world and the church (but never our side).

Signed,

Don Jobson

P.S. Have you tried our mothballs yet? The smell of them should help cure your annoyance until you get use to Our Brand.


Stating “we are Bible believing” makes it true!

June 3, 2019

 

TAS_semcollagebb2

Mark our word. When a ministry says “we are bible believing,” you can believe that they are bible believing. No need to test the waters…especially if they vent against other ministries in the guise of bible ministry. As a matter of fact, if you complain a lot against other ministries it is likely that this ministry is MUCH MORE HOLY and RIGHTEOUS than other ministries who SHOULD fall in line and get with the program. Simply put, if you say “we are bible believing” it gives you license to attack other ministries with unfounded license.

That is why Take A Stand Ministries is just a simple bible believing ministry who has the entire bible untangled and figured out. If you want bible believing certainty, and all that non-sensical post-modern, new-age liberal mystery and wonder jettisoned from scripture….this is a ministry that you should embrace.

ODMafia approved—-Truthslayer endorsed


What we believe….

June 1, 2019

kjb-meme-monkey-kjvo

Possibly KJV ONLY Bigfoot? (Pictured)

Direct and in from our ever truth seeking robot research monkey’s is the following from South Heights Baptist Church of Sapulpa statement of beliefs.

The first two statements of faith:  1) That the Bible is the inspired, infallible, inerrant Word of  God, and that it is our only rule of faith and practice. and 2) That the 1769 Blayney revision of the AV1611 King James Version of the Bible is God’s preserved Word for English-speaking people.

We also endorse these statements since things like the Bible take precedence over persons like Jesus our Risen Lord. Moreover, we think that the AV1611 King James Bible is the purest form of the Bible, falling from the sky entirely preserved as is and more superior to other bibles and without a single revision.

The KJB is so perfect and so Holy that it didn’t need a translator as it’s obscure language is easily understood via Bible-Osmosis.

Even Bigfoot agrees as after he got saved by reading The Truth War—he began speaking in a tongue that no modern hearer understands yet we have reason to believe he understood.

Truthslayer guarding our Bible with Shakesperian speech


Farewell again @John Piper!

May 22, 2019

wg0900159

The push of the social gospel is now reaching even those who have been staunch supporters of the work we do here at ODMafia. Our beloved and revered under leader of reformed theology, John Piper, has slipped the tracks. Abandoning the true faith for the man pleasing Gospel of Shane Claiborne. In the following video you will hear Pastor Piper declare to the “Young, Restless, and Reformed” crowd to not waste their lives on retirement. Instead he admonishes them to consider; clean water, homeless people, and the needy:

I too like my fellow Discernmentalists am becoming so tired of hearing people in the church talking about being on the social justice committee. There is a difference between justice and social justice! For one Social Justice is cultural marxism and every church needs to get on the same page and disavow themselves from using this leftest marxist terminology and simply call their churches work justice, plain and simple! Secondly Social justice sounds too like Satan’s doctrine: socialism…and you don’t clink glass with the devils cohort’s or entertain the devils terminology even when it sound all warm and fuzzy. “Idiots”!!!!

Are any of our Doctrines and fellow Reformed types safe from being perverted by the heretical hordes? Finally my faithful Truth Warriors I leave you this quote from our Beloved Over-leader John MacArthur (PBUH):

aspects of true justice are conspicuously missing from the recent evangelical dialogue touting “social justice.” Instead, what we hear is an echo of the same accusatory rhetoric and political slogans being shouted by secular social justice warriors. That fact ought to awaken the Berean urge in every Christian.


Eric…Heresy Free!

May 19, 2019

thank goodness

The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer:

‘I thank you, God, that I am not a HERETIC like everyone else. For my theological doctrines are pure (American & conservative), I pray 3 times a day (unlike my Muslim enemies who pray excessively at 5 prayers), I refuse to address social justice (because that sounds too my like socialism), I attack anyone who critiques capitalism (because consumerism, accumulation & exploitation) has nothing to do with the good news (and unAmerican). I also criticize anyone who speaks against militarism by calling them commies and liberals…because I am thankful to be alone in holding up the absolute biblical truth.

Finally ….I thank-you that I go from church to church to speak against other believers & calling them false teachers, heretics and apostates.”

Hunting down heretics and spotting heresies in our many enemies for your protection,

Truthslayer out (as in outing heretics)!


%d bloggers like this: