Vatican spiritually terrorizing Bible-Believers with Pornographic art

May 17, 2019

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Photo from  Mrs. Jobson’s old college textbookLINK

Ray Comfort (Awesome) Hell’s Best Kept Secret warns that the Vatican is spiritually terrorizing innocent Bible-Believers with pornographic art. Quote: “It’s dishonest to steal God’s ideas and say they came from nothing. Especially if one is going to paint or sculpt nude figures that might cause others to lust in their heart. Michelangelo’s Statue of David is obscene because its essentially pornographic as well as the Sistine Chapel.” Ray (Awesome)’s original quote on this from his Comfort Blog (Awesome) has been raptured into an atheist black hole so we pressed him to make a new statement on this—while working on our version of that sinful Arthur episode.

Thankfully Mrs. Jobson’s old college textbook on artwork censors all those smutty pics and sculptures so our house is lust-free. That reminds me of a funny story from when our son little Calvin was 8… we always read from the Old Testament for bed time stories to put our children to sleep… so he knows to stay clear of idolatry…. *chuckle*…Anyways Calvin was playing outside when he caught a glimpse of our apostate neighbor’s statue of a little girl and little boy kissing so he got it in his head and he smashed it….heh heh. Our son the Little Iconoclast!

On a related note Ray (Awesome) wanted us to plug his Awesome Bible-based art (Awesome):


Breaking: Discernmentalists to release newly discernmentalized version of “controversial” Arthur episode!

May 17, 2019

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Discernmentalists’ Discernmentalized Version of the Ratburn wedding episode of Arthur

Discernmentalists around the web have banded together to stop the assault on our Biblical marriages by fictional gay cartoon rats as we’ve already explained: Here and Here. So in keeping with our Discernmentalist traditions—we’ve decided to release a newly ghey and Canadian-free discernmentalized version of said “controversial” Arthur episode. Dr. Truthslayer has assured me that he has rounded up an all hetero white Conservative Bible-believing American voice cast to make sure the voice acting is ghey free. Ken Ham has overseen the reanimation process so that no lines may tempt viewers into becoming ghey. Dr. I. Todyaso has written an impeccable script and a PSA that will show at both the beginning and the end of the episode.

In our new discernmentalized version of this episode—suspected Sintologist Franklin Graham will voice act the Minister that will Biblically marry Mr. Ratburn to a Mrs. Ratburn instead of a Mr. Whocares. After the wedding Mr. Ratburn being a Bible-believing rat will assert his Male Headship over his new wife reminding her that her place is at home in the kitchen making his dinner and baby rats. On weekends when he’s not forcing doing Bible-based stuff with his new wife or doing his job to support and protect her through his 401k Elementary school teaching career—he’ll give Brain extra credit assignments just so he can get Brain alone so he can preach the Gospel of God’s Wrath to that smart-aleck atheist sinner.

The next half of the episode will feature Mr. Ratburn teaching the kids of Lakewood Elementary the Bible-believing values of picketing abortion clinics. Francine will accuse her garbage-collecting dad of being a liberal Environmentalist in league with an Emergent Global Warming cult. The kids will out Muffy as a closeted anti-American commie for writing a blog that sounds suspiciously liberal: Muffington Post. {Edit: We would make another joke but we’ve erased all the gheyness from this originally abominable episode}. In the end Brain will finally get regenerated and accept his salvation through Mr. Ratburn’s preaching of the Law of the Angry Sovereign God of Wrath through a Way of the Master: “Are you a good person?” test. Afterwards Mr. Ratburn forces Brain to do a book report on Ray Comfort* Hell’s Best Kept Secret—Brain then agrees that bananas prove that Evolution is a myth invented by liberally socialistic atheist scientists as well as Global Warming. The End?

{*- Note: Ray Comfort’s lawyer made us sign a non-disclosure agreement so we can’t tell you that when he heard about our project he begged us to let him be a part of it and to let us let him plug his book and ways of evangelism through guilt and fear. Also Kirk Cameron and Candace Cameron-Bure’s as well so we can’t tell you that Kirk Cameron is voicing the Brain; Candace is voicing Francine as well as Muffy and Mrs. Ratburn/all the girl parts (so we could cut costs—we also pay her less); and Ray of course is voicing Mr. Ratburn.} 

“Finally an animated anthropomorphic animal marriage for True Bible-believers and a great Bible-believing episode of Arthur. This is entertainment as it’s meant to be—a fight on the leftist assault on our values, eyes and ears— please consider a large donation to the Online Discernmentalist Mafia to help us continue our good fight on fictional gay characters like cartoon rats.”—Activist Mommy after viewing a donors’ only sneak preview of the newly discernmentalized version of the “controversial” Arthur episode.

Protecting the children through fear,

Don Jobson

 


An Exciting Announcement!

May 13, 2019

TSM Bar

“The Bible has a wax nose; you can twist it whichever way you want!” —Martin Luther

Finally a Candy Bar with Discernmentalizing bite! Packed with Truth-bending powers and waxy bits. Literally melts in your mouth to aid in Scripture-twisting. Absolute guarantee for Bible beaters. Gives more energy to help you with your Stand. Remember Take A Stand Bible Bar available now at fine Bible-believing resellers everywhere…buy it now. Act now for the extra added value of Dark sunglasses and wax nose included free with purchase. And remember its Truthslayer Endorsed!


Extra! Extra! Smocking Gun: Pulpit & Pen/Planned Parenthood One and the Same!

May 5, 2019

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Using Eric Barger’s newly released Smocking Gun Technology—our Research Robot Monkeys have discermentalized the following alt-facts about our former allies the formerly known Pulpit & Pen (now known as Party & Propaganda):

Smocking Gun # 1- Party & Propaganda (PP) as well as Planned Parenthood are abbreviated PP.

Smocking Gun # 2- Both PPs talk about abortion but only 3.4% of the time.

Smocking Gun # 3- Both PPs participate in the war on women:

Babies conceived by rape and incest are made in the image of God as much as any other child. God knits the product of rape in his mother’s womb as carefully as he does the product of the marriage bed. Why should the heartbeats of certain babies, who have done no wrong themselves, be allowed to be snuffed out? Do the hearts of these unwanted children not beat just as true as wanted ones? Is it simply easier to pass the law without arguing about it protecting babies conceived in rape and incest? (PP)

Privacy and dignity are often cited in defense of buffer zone laws, which attempt to prevent pro-lifers from praying for or sharing the truth with women outside of abortion clinics. These buzz words are also used in fights against parental notification laws, because apparently notifying parents that their underage daughter is having an abortion is a violation of privacy. (PP)

Smocking Gun # 4- Both are said to be funded by George Soros. (More on that later).

These are just a few of the alt-facts our Research Robot Monkeys have discovered and we think that you’ll agree to agree with us that the mounting evidence speaks for itself. Our Research Robot Monkeys have found even more evidence but since we left them overworking their circuits overnight—we need to recharge their batteries. Stay tuned further evidence to come….


Judging Books by the Authors on their Covers

May 4, 2019

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Since Eternity Matters we bring you this important lesson in Discernmentalism: ‘With the late RHE as the author you can judge a book by the cover…(for she) was a false teacher who lead countless people astray and affirmed them in their sin and rebellion. And she aggressively supported pro-abortion policies.’ (Link)

We here at the ODMafia agree as our Research Robot Monkeys have also discermentalized the following important facts to fit the narrative of this essential truth of this teaching on judgmentalism:

  1. Saint Augustine was the author of “The City of God” and was a false teacher because he was a Mary-worshipping popish-pagan semi-Pelagian Romanist Catholic who lead countless people astray and affirmed them in their sin and rebellion. And he aggressively supported pro-war policies (against non-Catholics).
  2. Martin Luther was the author of “The Jews and Their Lies” so therefore was a false teacher who followed Augustinianism and lead countless people astray and affirmed them in their sin and rebellion. And he aggressively supported anti-Semitic as well as anti-Capitalist policies.
  3. John Calvin was the author of “The Institutes of Christian Religion” and was a false teacher who lead countless people astray and affirmed them in their sin and rebellion by following Luther’s Protestant doctrines of protesting God’s ordained authority (the Pope). And he aggressively supported pro-overregulation by spying on others as well as pro-murder policies by executing heretics.
  4. Charles Spurgeon was the author of “Morning & Evening” and was a follower of Calvin but also a “Reformed” Baptist and was a false teacher who lead countless people astray and affirmed them in their sin and rebellion by rejecting Calvin’s Clear Teachings on Baptism. And he aggressively supported anti-imperialist and anti-war policies.
  5. G. K. Chesterton was the author of “Orthodoxy” who was a false teacher for being an apostate Catholic philosopher who lead countless people astray and affirmed them in their sin and rebellion. And he aggressively supported pro-wealth redistribution policies.
  6. C. S. Lewis was the author of “Mere Christianity” as well as Children’s fantasy novels so was a false teacher who lead countless people astray and affirmed them in their sin and rebellion by teaching universalism. And he aggressively supported pro-egalitarian policies.
  7. Doug Wilson is the author of “Evangellyfish” and is a false teacher who leads countless people astray and affirms them in their sin and rebellion by teaching semi-Arian heresy. And he aggressively supports pro-racist neo-Confederate and pro-rape policies.
  8. James White is the author of “The Potter’s Freedom” and also is a false teacher by teaching that social issues have nothing to do with the Gospel (despite the witness of church history) who leads countless people astray and affirms them in their sin and rebellion. And he aggressively supports the never Trump movement and anti-social justice policies.

This list could go on for an eternity but because Eternity Matters we have more important things to do like teaching the Good News of our Angry God who hates everybody not like us or don’t believe in the Purity of our great Doctrines.

A recent post of ours by Dr. I. Todyaso slightly related to this one: New Emerging Heretic Bible Found.


New From ODM/Acme C.O. Products….

May 3, 2019

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SMUG ALLDAY Spray for that healthy self-righteous glow! Keeps that smug/arrogant/condescending look on a Dicernmentalist’s face all day. Just one spray guarantees extra protection from wetness that most Baptist diseases are contacted from—also guaranteeing to keep Discernmentalists doctrinally pure in our essential theology. Never lack a reason to argue with and judgmentalize others as you’ll never have to worry about lacking in Absolute Certainty or the Hard Truths that shield all Discernmentalists from Emergent and Catholic errors. SMUG ALLDAY Spray is made from 100% Pure and Essential Biblical Oils and is the perfect product for the Discermentalist Apologist always itching for a debate.

Act now for self-satisfaction guaranteed—still not convinced…take a look at these before and after pics which speak for themselves:

smugnessBuy it now to join our self-satisfied consuming SMUG ALLDAY Discernmentalist family!! 100% Discernmentalist guaranteed 100% of the time all day everyday so buy it now or you’re an apostate.


Olive Tree Ministries warns of terrorism!

May 1, 2019

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Olive Tree Ministries, a mighty truth-warrior wants to warn Christians about impending Islamic terrorism. As a fellow discernmentalist I’m also concerned about terrorism. BUT….I also want to make sure that our readers are ONLY aware of Islamic terrorism.

When we do things to other countries it is because we are called to hate our enemies, smite them and ignore the New Testament…exactly as Jesus taught us. You see we believers NEED to twist the bible to justify our lust for the goods of other countries…we don’t call that covetousness (too old fashioned) we christen than ‘state interest,’ and Christians should honor the state!

Here are a few God-honouring shananigans (we call them shananigans because terror sounds too harsh) that we need to repeat again and again to make it know that America is Godly.

Operation Infinite Reach….bombing a pharmaceutical factory (ooops) is a good thing to stop the Sudanese from treating their sick and diseased.

Operation Mongoose.…because we’re peace loving and Cuba could have taken over America with their ginormous fleet of fighter-jets…beside this is about fighting communism…and commies are atheists and atheists don’t believe in God anyways. So killing athiests was in our best interests.

Special Removal Units….torture (Old school inquisition torture just like old fashioned Medieval Catholics) because torture brings out the best in everyone…and it must be done for God and country.

Or the over throw of democratically elected countries like Honduras or Guatamala and Iran. This had to be done because some of those countries harboured Roman Catholics…and they were secretly poised to take over America and force us all to worship Mary.  I think knocking off the P.M. of Iran was just a practice run…just to make sure we could!

Then there is Operation Northwoods, but relented and applied bits and parts of this mighty campaign of defending democracy later on! Democracy must be defended…which includes lying  (lying is ok if you believe it!)

The UN suggest this great lie! See Here They are liars because we believe we can torture, kill and send out death squads for betterment of the world! You see Great Britain and other western countries helped out too! Operation Gladio is also a glad reminder !

Remember, we are the good guys. Good guys are guys without sin. We’re not like those  OTHER GUYS guys…the ones in the middle east….you know with the sins!

Thank-you Lord, that we’re not war-mongerers like Islam but we are peace lovers. Thank-you that we are NOT like them.

The ODMafia, doing the thinking so you don’t have too!

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Luke 14: “The Pharisee stood up and prayed about[a] himself: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.”


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