June 24, 2019
Bibliophile in the midst of his sinister act
We’ve already apprised you on God’s Only Inerrant Party that while he was working with us on our de-sinned Arthur episode that Ray Comfort warned us that Bibliophiles are the latest threat in the atheist assault on Bible-Believers. “If you call any other Christian on this page a ‘bibliophile’ I will ban you. I thought it was just another atheist insult, a cross between pedophile and Bible.”—Ray Comfort. Its worse than that though as our Herescopes have discovered a more sinister definition of Bibliophiles that is not an atheist insult.
Recently our Research Robot Monkey spies using our Herescopes have observed a Bibliophile in the midst of the act that fits our newly discovered definition: “a book lover (most likely atheists ie. Disney) assaulting our children with strange books or their love of books. Librarians are also suspect in this.” [This is why we’ve forbidden our wives and children from going to the library or even looking at one (even our own Discernmentalist libraries)].
Mrs. Truthslayer and Mrs. Jobson wanted us to add that not only are these strange books but they are scary as well—after hearing us talk about some of these strange and heretical Emergent books we’ve been discernmentalizing. They have no other choice as they agree with us in our Doctrines. They contain such scary information that we can only flee in horror—fearing and quaking in terror from only briefly glancing at it. In fact our wives were heard screaming as they heard us talking about the spiritually terrorizing information contained within these apostate Emergent books—information such as:
- “I see the world through the images of Christianity, which teaches me that I encounter God in everyone I meet regardless of what they believe.”—Alan Jones
- “Since the church has been one of the main perpetrators of parental fear-mongering, it’s only fair we take up the cause of creating a culture of parenting that is less about what we don’t want for our children and more about what we do want.”—Doug Pagitt
We suspect this is part of the reason that Ray Comfort considers Bibliophile an atheist insult. We too consider it an insult after researchmentalizing this vulgar word even further which is why we had to add it to the Second Volume of our Discermentalist Dictionary. Setting the record straight we Online Discernmentalists thankfully are not—I repeat not Bibliophiles—let alone book-lovers but we do love our Bible! On a related note: we’re now offering a special sale on some of our favorite Discernmentalist books.
Books we especially love most of all:
- Truth Wars: Fighting for our certainty in an age of deception (the book that stared it all)
- Hell best kept secrets (taught us fear and guilt evangelism)
April 4, 2011
Ladies, Gentleman, and Underlings, we knew that the fallout from the Rob Bell heretical view of non-hell was going to undermine the truth of scripture and lead many astray (sorry for the lack of grammatical clarity but we are so upset over this news we can’t use punctuation properly) but never did we imagine the magnitude of the fallout. Nor did we imagine the swiftness in which the Devil was going to lead people astray. Nor did we think that our leadership would fall.
What’s the big news?
Hold on to your phylacteries, bathe in holy water, hide the eyes of the innocent, and prepare the millstones: R.C. Sproul (a.k.a second in charge [behind John McArthur PBUH] of calvinist
dogma doctrine) says GOD IS IN HELL! I wish we could say that we are making this up, we wish that we could say that there was some confusion of intent, we wish that we could say wait until the book comes out but we can’t. The truth is that R.C. Sproul believes firmly that GOD IS IN HELL based on this excerpt from his upcoming book “The place of God’s Disfavor”.
The problem with hell is not simply the absence of God’s graciousness. It is the presence of God that is so difficult. God is present in hell because He is omnipresent. The psalmist declares, “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there” (Ps. 139:7-8). If God is everywhere in His being, then certainly He is in hell as much as He is anywhere else. The problem, then, is what He is doing there. He’s there in His judgment. He is there in His punitive wrath. He is present in hell as the One who executes His justice on those who are there. That’s why I say that anyone who is in hell would most want God, more than anyone else, to leave.
Rob Bell says there is no Hell. R.C. Sproul says God is in Hell. What next? God is Dead? Only God knows…well…and us. After all we are discermentalists!
July 30, 2010
Actual simulation of the event as Eric Barger described it!
In a rare moment of courage, Eric Barger stood up to an actual enemy instead of made up ones! Martians emerged from the sky yesterday and began spreading Martianisms at Eric Barger’s church. In a moment straight out of an H G Wells movie, Eric Barger stopped the evil emerging horde of Martians by… sneezing on them. At first the Martians were just disgusted, then after wiping off the mucus, they read a chapter of Eric Barger’s book on UFO encounters, laughed and determined there was no intelligent life on planet earth. We here at the ODMafia are proud to say that shoddy research saved you and if you keep supporting us, we will keep it coming.
July 7, 2010
We would like to welcome Bible Monkey to our Fold. Thanks to our Clear Teachings and expository preaching of John MacArthur’s Truth War Doctrines, Bible Monkey finally decided to embrace our Truth Wars. H0pefully we will soon gently coerce Bible Monkey into bowing down before our Pure Doctrines of John MacArthur’s Truth War but until then we still cannot reconcile with Bible Monkey.
We have high hopes for Bible Monkey though as Bible Monkey already demonstrates the Absolute Biblical Truth of our Pure Doctrines as Bible Monkey is:
- Totally captivated by our Clear Teachings
- Unable to resist sitting under our feet
- Learning to study our Truth War ways
- Irresistably drawn to our expositions of Absolute Gospel Truth
- Perfectly enslaved to our Great Merciful Loving and Graceful God’s Law and Wrath towards sinners