Breaking: Unbiblical Cereal Persecuting Discernmentalists!

October 26, 2019

BelongTogetherCereal

We all belong together. So for the first time in history, our famous mascots and cereals are offered exclusively together in the same box for All Together Cereal. It’s a symbol of acceptance no matter how you look, where you’re from or who you love.

Oh the horror is there any object that doesn’t offend us or persecute us! This is worse than when fictional cartoon rats got ghey-married causing hetero-marriages to fail by osmosis! Noted Discernmentlist Ken Ham declared: “We are not “All together,” as the lifestyle/worldview of these fictional cereal mascots is anti-God, anti-biblical & anti-science and consists of only a small minority in the culture.” As my co-Truthwarrior Dr. Truthslayer has pointed out: “We demand that this cereal be stopped!!! We can only guess that some time soon they will introduce whole grain oats, barley, and maize to this liberal mix. Its processed whole-wheat or nothing!!!”

In fact we know this as one Kellogian stated: “Just think now KIDS might get the idea to buy 6 separate boxes of cereal, and mix them up on their own! Kellog’s is now working for the Devil! No more Kelloggs! They are evil, because any of their cereals might get mixed!!! Leading kids to proclaim: Hail Satan!” If this doesn’t make clear how unbiblical and apostate this cereal really is—consider this—our Research Robot Monkeys overheard this apostate cereal saying:

“Black, white, green, red
Can I take my friend to bed?
Pink, brown, yellow, orange, and blue
I love you”

We only wish that more inanimate objects; fictional characters; even animals would hold true to our morals; Doctrines and worldview. We have one word of caution—if you see this cereal in stores…flee!

To counteract this assault on our Truth—we recommend a daily dose of Calvin Crunch; Reformation Crunch; Truth Loops; Catacomb; and Christo-Fascist Flakes for a more Biblically-sound all around healthy breakfast and extra-protection from wetness!


Vatican spiritually terrorizing Bible-Believers with Pornographic art

May 17, 2019

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Photo from  Mrs. Jobson’s old college textbookLINK

Ray Comfort (Awesome) Hell’s Best Kept Secret warns that the Vatican is spiritually terrorizing innocent Bible-Believers with pornographic art. Quote: “It’s dishonest to steal God’s ideas and say they came from nothing. Especially if one is going to paint or sculpt nude figures that might cause others to lust in their heart. Michelangelo’s Statue of David is obscene because its essentially pornographic as well as the Sistine Chapel.” Ray (Awesome)’s original quote on this from his Comfort Blog (Awesome) has been raptured into an atheist black hole so we pressed him to make a new statement on this—while working on our version of that sinful Arthur episode.

Thankfully Mrs. Jobson’s old college textbook on artwork censors all those smutty pics and sculptures so our house is lust-free. That reminds me of a funny story from when our son little Calvin was 8… we always read from the Old Testament for bed time stories to put our children to sleep… so he knows to stay clear of idolatry…. *chuckle*…Anyways Calvin was playing outside when he caught a glimpse of our apostate neighbor’s statue of a little girl and little boy kissing so he got it in his head and he smashed it….heh heh. Our son the Little Iconoclast!

On a related note Ray (Awesome) wanted us to plug his Awesome Bible-based art (Awesome):


Breaking: Discernmentalists to release newly discernmentalized version of “controversial” Arthur episode!

May 17, 2019

heterorat

Discernmentalists’ Discernmentalized Version of the Ratburn wedding episode of Arthur

Discernmentalists around the web have banded together to stop the assault on our Biblical marriages by fictional gay cartoon rats as we’ve already explained: Here and Here. So in keeping with our Discernmentalist traditions—we’ve decided to release a newly ghey and Canadian-free discernmentalized version of said “controversial” Arthur episode. Dr. Truthslayer has assured me that he has rounded up an all hetero white Conservative Bible-believing American voice cast to make sure the voice acting is ghey free. Ken Ham has overseen the reanimation process so that no lines may tempt viewers into becoming ghey. Dr. I. Todyaso has written an impeccable script and a PSA that will show at both the beginning and the end of the episode.

In our new discernmentalized version of this episode—suspected Sintologist Franklin Graham will voice act the Minister that will Biblically marry Mr. Ratburn to a Mrs. Ratburn instead of a Mr. Whocares. After the wedding Mr. Ratburn being a Bible-believing rat will assert his Male Headship over his new wife reminding her that her place is at home in the kitchen making his dinner and baby rats. On weekends when he’s not forcing doing Bible-based stuff with his new wife or doing his job to support and protect her through his 401k Elementary school teaching career—he’ll give Brain extra credit assignments just so he can get Brain alone so he can preach the Gospel of God’s Wrath to that smart-aleck atheist sinner.

The next half of the episode will feature Mr. Ratburn teaching the kids of Lakewood Elementary the Bible-believing values of picketing abortion clinics. Francine will accuse her garbage-collecting dad of being a liberal Environmentalist in league with an Emergent Global Warming cult. The kids will out Muffy as a closeted anti-American commie for writing a blog that sounds suspiciously liberal: Muffington Post. {Edit: We would make another joke but we’ve erased all the gheyness from this originally abominable episode}. In the end Brain will finally get regenerated and accept his salvation through Mr. Ratburn’s preaching of the Law of the Angry Sovereign God of Wrath through a Way of the Master: “Are you a good person?” test. Afterwards Mr. Ratburn forces Brain to do a book report on Ray Comfort* Hell’s Best Kept Secret—Brain then agrees that bananas prove that Evolution is a myth invented by liberally socialistic atheist scientists as well as Global Warming. The End?

{*- Note: Ray Comfort’s lawyer made us sign a non-disclosure agreement so we can’t tell you that when he heard about our project he begged us to let him be a part of it and to let us let him plug his book and ways of evangelism through guilt and fear. Also Kirk Cameron and Candace Cameron-Bure’s as well so we can’t tell you that Kirk Cameron is voicing the Brain; Candace is voicing Francine as well as Muffy and Mrs. Ratburn/all the girl parts (so we could cut costs—we also pay her less); and Ray of course is voicing Mr. Ratburn.} 

“Finally an animated anthropomorphic animal marriage for True Bible-believers and a great Bible-believing episode of Arthur. This is entertainment as it’s meant to be—a fight on the leftist assault on our values, eyes and ears— please consider a large donation to the Online Discernmentalist Mafia to help us continue our good fight on fictional gay characters like cartoon rats.”—Activist Mommy after viewing a donors’ only sneak preview of the newly discernmentalized version of the “controversial” Arthur episode.

Protecting the children through fear,

Don Jobson

 


Are The Council on Biblical Manhood and womanhood Evanjellyfish?

May 14, 2019

cbmw

Beardless weirdos

The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (CBMW) exposed as weak gutless grace wimpy girliemen as per our Clear Teachings that all Truly Biblical manly-men have beards. In fact we’re beginning to question the Spine of their doctrines as they claim to teach gender distinction but are all clean shaven men. Where does such thinking come from? Where is the consistency when it is taught women have to dress like women and know their place but men can claim “christian liberty” when it comes to shaving off the God given mark of masculinity.

Only spineless Evanjellyfish would shave their beards off—now we all know Spurgeon the Prince of Preachers had a beard that’s why his Doctrines were so Pure as did Calvin. Luther once had a beard but had a lapse of judgment and shaved it off—if only he had followed Calvin’s example when he started the Protestant Reformation when Calvin was only 8 years old. We believe that’s why he erred in attacking our Truth that Calvin’s teachings are the most important teachings in all of Church History as any True Reformer would like John MacArthur (PBUH)*:

 It is recorded that Luther later said that Calvin was “educated, but strongly suspected of the error of the Sacramentarians.”[1] That is, that Calvin did not believe the same things regarding the Lord’s Supper as the Lutheran Reformers.

In this it appears that in Luther’s grand biography Calvin does not receive a great deal of mention. For Luther, Calvin would appear perhaps as a footnote.

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*- John MacArthur (PBUH) author of The Truth War

How can the CBMW expect to stop the GLBT hordes if they refuse to follow the Bible’s Clear Teachings that all True and Godly manly-men have beards?

In our current culture, the progressive trends of gender confusion and transgenderism is all the more reason we should uphold the biblical picture of a masculine man by having beards to stand separated from the pagan culture of today.

Thankfully you have True Bible-based ministries like ours with the Spines and beards to prove it to help protect you in the Purity of our facial hair—and the Sound Doctrines of the Ways of the Master himself which teach Absolute Biblical Truth in his book The Truth War: Fighting for Certainty in an Age of Deception from the spineless beardless GLBT Evanjellyfish agenda slipping into our churches.

 


Your Nightly Heretical Quote

May 11, 2019

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“As a Christian, my highest calling is not motherhood. As a Christian, my highest calling is to follow Christ.”~the late Rachel Held Evans (heretical liberal feminist Marxist Postmodern unbelieving apostate baby-killing promoter perverter of our Pure Gospel)

Now we all can agree with the Bible when it says to follow Christ and to hate the things of the world that we may place above Christ that prevent us performing our highest calling to follow Christ—but that’s the Bible. This is different as the above quote was uttered by a known heretic the late RHE (heretical liberal feminist) which makes it blasphemous as she is on record in attacking our Clear Teachings of Biblical Manhood and womanhood. In fact this quote is so blasphemously heretical  that I’m now rereading a classic by Neo-Confederate rape-apologist Doug Wilson in order to counteract this feminist assault on our Pure Doctrines. My co-Truth Warrior Dr. Itodyaso had to reorder several copies of the Truth War and go back to hiding out in our Sanctification closet in order to re-perfect our humble Ministry of Bible-based Wrath and Disgust. Dr. Truthslayer has our Research Robot Monkeys researchmentalizing more Biblically-appropriate quotes such as these gems gleaned from Doug Wilson (Neo-Confederate rape-apologist)‘s A Conservative Arian LibertAryan Manifesto for Biblical Manhood and womanhood plus a defense of slavery:

  • “That our nation did not remove slavery in the way it ought to have been removed helps explain many of our nation’s problems in dealing with contemporary social evils. Those evils include abortion-on-demand, radical feminism, and rampant sodomy.” (Source)
  • “But women who genuinely insist on ‘no masculine protection’ are really women who tacitly agree on the propriety of rape. Whenever someone sets himself to go against God’s design, horrible problems will always result.” (Source)
  • “Slavery produced in the South a genuine affection between the races that we believe we can say has never existed in any nation before the War or since.”
  • “Slavery as it existed in the South was not an adversarial relationship with pervasive racial animosity. Because of its dominantly patriarchal character, it was a relationship based upon mutual affection and confidence. There has never been a multi-racial society which has existed with such mutual intimacy and harmony in the history of the world.”
  • “One could argue that the black family has never been stronger than it was under slavery. It was certainly stronger under the southern slave system that it is today under our modern destructive welfare state.”
  • “Ironically, if slavery had not been so pleasant an experience for the majority, this mentality would not likely have such a strong hold upon the minds of some of their descendants today.”
  • “And nothing is clearer — the New Testament opposes anything like the abolitionism of our country prior to the War Between the States. The New Testament contains many instructions for Christian slave owners, and requires a respectful submissive demeanor for Christian slaves.”
  • “I agree that true and ultimate authority/submission must be grounded within the Godhead. I agree with (Wayne) Grudem there. Now someone will point out that they don’t see how it is possible to have “authority and submission within the Godhead coupled with complete ontological equality” without that position logically entailing three wills, which would then be heterodox. I frankly confess that it would be heterodox, and that I don’t know how there can be anything resembling authority and submission with only one will. I get the problem. But I also don’t see, and on exactly the same grounds, how there can be anything like a Father and a Son with only one will. If I could do the math on this kind of thing, I would be a good deal richer than I am. So Fatherhood is ultimate, and Fatherhood is ad intra. The Fatherhood of the Father did not come into existence after the decision to create the world. It is not in any way dependent upon the decision to create the world. And so there should be no more difficulty in saying that the Son is eternally obedient than there is in saying that He is eternally begotten. His existence is obedience — eternal obedience, obedience that could not be otherwise. The Father’s existence is authority.” (Source)

We only pray that none may accidently fall upon that heretical quote by the late RHE (progressive Emergence radical femimarxist apostate Pastrix guru) and get corrupted into believing in such unbiblical ideas like equality. We do fear Miley Cyrus among others but when we pray Imprecatory prayers to our Angry Sovereign God for our sons’ and daughters’ possible salvation, the influence of Miley Cyrus is rarely (albeit not never) what we pray for God to protect them from is blasphemous quotes such as that one by the late RHE (Postmodern gay-enabler feminist heretic) above.  We’re now praying this  prayer of protection against our many enemies and their affronts on our Pure Gospel of Biblical Manhood and womanhood:

“Father, we pray that the angel of the Lord would chase them down. We pray that You would set for them a dark and slippery place, and that the angel of the Lord would persecute them there. They have hated us without any just cause at all, and they have devised all their plots without any good reason. We ask You therefore to rise up and defend us. Stand in the pass behind us, and lower Your spear against them. Turn them back from their wicked attacks. Rout them, we pray. Chase them like chaff in a stiff wind. We pray that You would string Your bow, sharpen Your sword, make ready all the instruments of death. Ordain Your arrows to fly against those who persecute the righteous. Make their mischief to roll back on their own impudent heads.”—Dr. ITodyaso

 


A quick hitter

April 23, 2019

Priest

Hello my faithful warriors for faith!  It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything for I was battling the semipelagianist  around the globe. 37 countries and countless battles and I firmly believe that we are winning the battle.  I ask that all of you stand steadfast against the teaching of the post modernists and liberal feminists.   Let us pray strongly for our brothers in arms John Piper and Rush Limbaugh.    Let us pray that God, in his sovereignty, would bless our great Truth War once again against all those who would stand against us and our eternal struggle. Let us fight against Easter worshippers and all those who would dare call Christians Easter worshippers. Let us spread more Pizzagates and QaNon propaganda to take a stand against the vaccinated apostates who pervert our Pure Doctrines for: “There is nothing makes a man suspect much, more than to know little.”—FRANCIS BACON, Of Suspicion, 1625.

I write this from the Fema Concentration camp that I stole my guns back from comforted by John MacArthur (PBUH)’s words: “There has been a conspiracy to cover up a truth that is so essential to the New Testament, that without it we misunderstand our relationship to Jesus Christ.” And we discernmentalists know all about conspiracies. I immediately renew my pledge in the Truth War to conspire in our Truth doctrines against the unwashed masses. Well I’m off to yet again fight with another camp of apostates, the lamestream media and hairy mystics chanting with earth worshipping feminists but I leave you with one conspiratorial essential quote which helps us understand our relationship to misogyny Jesus even more:

This is the real danger. The very idea of Christian feminism has become a Trojan horse for theological liberalism. The popular “Christian” feminists, such as Rachel Held Evans and Sarah Bessey, are advocates for a host of theologically liberal positions ranging from pro-gay theology to denying Biblical inerrancy to advocating for alternative views of God the Father Himself to minimizing the atonement. It is not as if they are drawing on historic Biblical doctrine to ground equality. Rather, they begin with a modernist conception of “equality” and insist on reading that into the Bible. Christian feminism is not based on good exegesis, but eisegesis. It is not a Christianization of feminism, but a secularization of Christianity. And it gains traction, especially among younger Christians, because there is a biblical ideal of equality based on man and woman’s creation in the image of God (see Genesis 1:26-27). Yet like all doctrinal dangers and compromises, the truth is mixed with a great deal of error. And while Christian feminism starts with a true proposition, it quickly devolves into a host of false teachings, biblical distortions, and even heresies.

If Christian feminism were marked by biblical teaching on sex and gender roles, and didn’t have a host of doctrinal distortions smuggled in with it, then I would have no quarrel or qualm with it. If my compatriots in the Assemblies of God would exercise even a little discernment when quoting Christian feminists who actively deny AG doctrine, I would be less concerned. But instead advocacy of Christian feminism, especially among Millennials, is doctrinally uninformed, Biblically void, historically ignorant, philosophically incoherent, and naive in nearly every way.

Christian feminism is a Trojan horse. It will rot the religion in which it appears, destroying from within Christianity’s Biblical and historic teachings on God and man’s relationship to Him. I know this sounds alarmist and overblown. But the time to sound alarmist is decidedly BEFORE the barbarians are inside the gates. You sound the alarm before the trap is sprung, in hopes that you don’t get caught in the trap. On doctrinal issues, I want to alert people to the problem before they make a commitment to false teaching (Proverbs 12:13).

To anyone who objects especially liberal feminists… I reply….

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Is Franklin Graham Secretly A Sintologist?

April 21, 2019

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Recently our Research Robot Monkeys came upon some disturbing slander information that disturbed us so much that we had to take up our pen to write quality essays of discernmentalism again. Here it goes: is Franklin Graham a Sintologist? We have proofs:

We know that the Church of Scientology tried to recruit Billy Graham: “As far back as 1955, Hubbard recognized the value of famous people to his fledgling, off-beat church when he inaugurated “Project Celebrity.” According to Hubbard, Scientologists should target prominent individuals as their “quarry” and bring them back like trophies for Scientology.

He listed the following people of that era as suitable prey: Edward R. Murrow, Marlene Dietrich, Ernest Hemingway, Howard Hughes, Greta Garbo, Walt Disney, Henry Luce, Billy Graham, Groucho Marx and others of similar stature.

“If you bring one of them home you will get a small plaque as a reward,” Hubbard wrote in a Scientology magazine more than three decades ago.”

The Grahams being the apostates they are—are guilty by association for being ecumenical against our clear teachings with the perverted Scientology cult: “”They are a class act,” he said of the couple. “She has traveled with me and Samaritan’s Purse to North Korea, Sudan, Iraq, Cambodia, Vietnam, Burma, Haiti, and other places over the years, and she has always used her position to try to help people in need. She has also come to Alaska to visit and encourage our wounded veterans and their spouses on numerous occasions. We are deeply grateful to this incredibly generous and gracious individual. She is a professional with integrity. I look forward to seeing where Greta will go in this new chapter of her life.” Graham also encouraged fans to follow Van Susteren‘s Facebook page to “see what will come next.” Van Susteren joined Fox in 2002 after more than a decade as a legal analyst at CNN. She will be replaced, starting today, by senior political analyst Brit Hume, the network said.  The news anchor and her husband, who wed in 1988, both adhere to Scientology, a controversial religion founded by American science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard which “seeks self-knowledge and spiritual fulfillment through graded courses of study and training.” Despite their religious differences, both Franklin Graham and his father, renowned evangelist Billy Graham, have referred to Coale and Van Susteren as “close friends.” The elder Graham has also expressed admiration for Coale’s strength and courage in his book, “The Reason For My Hope.””

  • He’s too soft in not promoting our Truth War Doctrines
  • Pope Pyro I aka John MacArthur (PBUH) once took a stand against Billy
  • Phil Johnson aka Hugh Jass already dscernmentalized: ” Franklin Graham was “shocked” (shocked!) to find that his organization’s web site had a page labeling Scientology as a “cult.” They took the page down, and it’s down for good. Why?”

This is why we  had to bring back our humble Gospel Coalition and take a stand against Franklin’s slide into the apostasy of Sintology. Repent of your abominations heretics. We ask you what would our illustrious most Holy most Inerrant Pope Pyro I aka John MacArthur (PBUH) do? We leave you these words of our Truth Wars from Tyrone V. Hoofendorfer: “I’m all for anyone leaving the so called Church of Scientology. It IS a cult. However, Paul Haggis says his reason for leaving the church is their support of Prop. 8. That would be one of the very few reasons I support this church. Homosexuals and homosexuality need to go back in the closet. They should NOT be proud of themselves. Homosexuality is a reprehensible sin. A lot of you will complain and call me names. I don’t care. I KNOW that YOU are the sinners, NOT ME!!!”

In the great love of our merciful Sovereign God of unsatisfied Wrath,

Pastor I.Todyaso


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