Seafood Restaurants compromising our True Biblical American Values!

December 20, 2019

godhatesshrimp

Getting back to Chick-Fil-A—lest we forget as my esteemed colleague and ever-Discernmentalizing co-Truth-Warrior in the truthiness of John MacArthur’s Truth War (PBUI) Dr. Pastor-Teacher I. Todyaso has reminded me that there are other restaurants among us compromising our Discernmentalist values. We mustn’t stop with just our campaign to re-sanctify and re-Christianize chicken restaurants when unbiblical seafood restaurants are allowed to exist. If these restaurants continue to align with dark forces that go against our Doctrines and compromise their stand by caving in to bullies—we Discernmentalist Christians will stop supporting them and they will die out. That’s why:

We must rally all our fellow Discernmentalists and Truth Warriors to bring all of God’s law unto the heathens and the sodomites. We call upon all Christians to join us in the crusade against Long John Silver’s and Red Lobster. Yea, even Popeye’s shall be cleansed. The name of Bubba shall be anathema. We must stop the unbelievers from destroying the sanctity of our restaurants.

Our American Gospel from the Discernmentalist Bible is Clear:

We’ve even heard unbiblical seafood leads to all kinds of evil including having ties to the Mafia—so much evil that lobsters have even wrecked empires. Shrimp have been implicated in various scandals over the years.

Noted Sintologist Franklin Graham adds: “If unbiblical seafood restaurants recommit to biblical Discernmentalist values, refuse donations from the Mob, and clarify their stances on child slavery and Traditional biblical seafood, we believe much of this will heal and these seafood restaurants will be back in business and their current base of support will continue. If these seafood restaurants don’t, then we’re afraid what Mike Huckabee said will stand true: “Most seafood restaurants have made a Big Mistake!”

Update: Unbiblical seafood exporters tied to coercion; slavery and mass homicide:

The labourers come from Thailand’s much poorer neighbours Myanmar and Cambodia. Brokers illegally charge them fees to get jobs, trapping them into working on fishing vessels and at ports, mills and seafood farms in Thailand to pay back more money than they can ever earn.

“Sometimes, the net is too heavy and workers get pulled into the water and just disappear. When someone dies, he gets thrown into the water,” one Burmese worker told the non-profit organization Verité commissioned by Nestle.

“I have been working on this boat for 10 years. I have no savings. I am barely surviving,” said another. “Life is very difficult here.”

Update #2: Unbiblical seafood restaurant implicated in drug trafficking.

Update #3: Unbiblical seafood industry caught- Feds: Shrimp boat smuggled illegal immigrants into America.

 


The homosexual who wrecked an empire!

November 19, 2019

The ODMafia research robot monkeys were the first to break the case!  Super-gay-guy found to have single handedly destroyed an entire empire. According to our very accurate research by our electronic monkeys this man was bent on creating an all gay army; men in tights!

We believe that this covert army began to gay-i-fy the entire army, and then the entire nation. It was their goal not to allow woman to vote, drive or to own property – thereby securing rights for the secret gay groups that ran amuck! We heard now that they are ruining chicken restaurants—how the mighty have fallen!

 

Truthslayer—where’s the beef?


Chick-Fil-A loses It’s Soul!: Compromises American Bible Values?

November 18, 2019

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Discernmentalists are angry now that ChickFil-A promises to only be halfway anti-gay.  We here at the Mafia are mad too as we only like our chicken made by 100% anti-gay establishments. However we’re ok with 100% pro-murder; pro-adultery; pro-theft; pro-lying; etc chicken restaurants. American pagan Jesus weeps.

What this is—is a total erosion and a compromise on Discernmentalist America’s Biblical values from a company who has proudly stood behind Discernmentalist convictions for years. What a slap in our face! Everyone knows that chicken tastes better when its made with hate rather than love.

We miss the good ole days and our values being in the forefront… Back when we could threaten anyone who wasn’t 100% American enough like when pastors received death threats or threats of church arson not for following the way of Jesus with grace and love but for removing the American flag from front and center in our sanctuaries:

Such conciliatory gestures did not assuage hyper-patriots bent on rooting out disloyalty. War hysteria gave the nativists the opportunity to even the score. In some locales, anti-Dutch sentiment boiled over into mob action. Ministers found burning crosses on the parsonage lawn and farmers lost barns to the torch. In the vicinity of Pella, Iowa in 1918, several Christian schools were set afire in what became known as the “Hollander Fires.” Supporters managed to extinguish the flames at the Sully Christian School, leaving only minor damage, but the Peoria Christian School and adjacent Christian Reformed Church burned to the ground. In nearby New Sharon, the Reformed Church was set ablaze and the pastor, Edward Huibregtse, found dynamite under the parsonage that had failed to explode because of a defective fuse.2

Events in Peoria took an ugly turn in May 1918 when a young thug brutally beat James Hietbrink, the Christian school principal, as he walked home from the village general store. The flash points, apparently, were decisions not to unfurl the American flag over the school, buy war bonds, or sign food pledges. The school was bursting at the seams, due to the high birthrate among the Dutch, while four nearby public schools were “almost without pupils” and three “will shortly be closed.” Birthrates among the Ameri-cans were as low as among Dutch they were high. Follow-ing the attack, the school board immediately suspended classes, and county authorities or-dered the school to remain closed. Some weeks later, state education officials rescinded the order as illegal and allowed the school to reopen.

Dutch leaders saw the troubles rooted in “old and deep-rooted jealousy caused by the prosperity of the Holland-Americans.” Dutch farmers around New Sharon received threatening letters in the mail to “leave or be burned out.” American farmers, it was reported, hired thugs to set fires for $50 or $100 per “job.” The big barns of two farmers, G. Vos and an unidentified church elder, who had two sons serving in the army, were burned down one night.

Ah those were the days… back when America was truly Christian and Christians were truly great patriots Christians…. so Make America Great Again by letting Chick-Fil-A 100% gay hate again!

P. S. It was never about the short lines; deliciousness of it’s food; ethics; competitive prices; etc—it was always about hating whoever we hate as our Discernmentalist Gospels read: “We hate because Jesus first hate our many enemies first.”


Breaking: Unbiblical Cereal Persecuting Discernmentalists!

October 26, 2019

BelongTogetherCereal

We all belong together. So for the first time in history, our famous mascots and cereals are offered exclusively together in the same box for All Together Cereal. It’s a symbol of acceptance no matter how you look, where you’re from or who you love.

Oh the horror is there any object that doesn’t offend us or persecute us! This is worse than when fictional cartoon rats got ghey-married causing hetero-marriages to fail by osmosis! Noted Discernmentlist Ken Ham declared: “We are not “All together,” as the lifestyle/worldview of these fictional cereal mascots is anti-God, anti-biblical & anti-science and consists of only a small minority in the culture.” As my co-Truthwarrior Dr. Truthslayer has pointed out: “We demand that this cereal be stopped!!! We can only guess that some time soon they will introduce whole grain oats, barley, and maize to this liberal mix. Its processed whole-wheat or nothing!!!”

In fact we know this as one Kellogian stated: “Just think now KIDS might get the idea to buy 6 separate boxes of cereal, and mix them up on their own! Kellog’s is now working for the Devil! No more Kelloggs! They are evil, because any of their cereals might get mixed!!! Leading kids to proclaim: Hail Satan!” If this doesn’t make clear how unbiblical and apostate this cereal really is—consider this—our Research Robot Monkeys overheard this apostate cereal saying:

“Black, white, green, red
Can I take my friend to bed?
Pink, brown, yellow, orange, and blue
I love you”

We only wish that more inanimate objects; fictional characters; even animals would hold true to our morals; Doctrines and worldview. We have one word of caution—if you see this cereal in stores…flee!

To counteract this assault on our Truth—we recommend a daily dose of Calvin Crunch; Reformation Crunch; Truth Loops; Catacomb; and Christo-Fascist Flakes for a more Biblically-sound all around healthy breakfast and extra-protection from wetness!


Vatican spiritually terrorizing Bible-Believers with Pornographic art

May 17, 2019

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Photo from  Mrs. Jobson’s old college textbookLINK

Ray Comfort (Awesome) Hell’s Best Kept Secret warns that the Vatican is spiritually terrorizing innocent Bible-Believers with pornographic art. Quote: “It’s dishonest to steal God’s ideas and say they came from nothing. Especially if one is going to paint or sculpt nude figures that might cause others to lust in their heart. Michelangelo’s Statue of David is obscene because its essentially pornographic as well as the Sistine Chapel.” Ray (Awesome)’s original quote on this from his Comfort Blog (Awesome) has been raptured into an atheist black hole so we pressed him to make a new statement on this—while working on our version of that sinful Arthur episode.

Thankfully Mrs. Jobson’s old college textbook on artwork censors all those smutty pics and sculptures so our house is lust-free. That reminds me of a funny story from when our son little Calvin was 8… we always read from the Old Testament for bed time stories to put our children to sleep… so he knows to stay clear of idolatry…. *chuckle*…Anyways Calvin was playing outside when he caught a glimpse of our apostate neighbor’s statue of a little girl and little boy kissing so he got it in his head and he smashed it….heh heh. Our son the Little Iconoclast!

On a related note Ray (Awesome) wanted us to plug his Awesome Bible-based art (Awesome):


Breaking: Discernmentalists to release newly discernmentalized version of “controversial” Arthur episode!

May 17, 2019

heterorat

Discernmentalists’ Discernmentalized Version of the Ratburn wedding episode of Arthur

Discernmentalists around the web have banded together to stop the assault on our Biblical marriages by fictional gay cartoon rats as we’ve already explained: Here and Here. So in keeping with our Discernmentalist traditions—we’ve decided to release a newly ghey and Canadian-free discernmentalized version of said “controversial” Arthur episode. Dr. Truthslayer has assured me that he has rounded up an all hetero white Conservative Bible-believing American voice cast to make sure the voice acting is ghey free. Ken Ham has overseen the reanimation process so that no lines may tempt viewers into becoming ghey. Dr. I. Todyaso has written an impeccable script and a PSA that will show at both the beginning and the end of the episode.

In our new discernmentalized version of this episode—suspected Sintologist Franklin Graham will voice act the Minister that will Biblically marry Mr. Ratburn to a Mrs. Ratburn instead of a Mr. Whocares. After the wedding Mr. Ratburn being a Bible-believing rat will assert his Male Headship over his new wife reminding her that her place is at home in the kitchen making his dinner and baby rats. On weekends when he’s not forcing doing Bible-based stuff with his new wife or doing his job to support and protect her through his 401k Elementary school teaching career—he’ll give Brain extra credit assignments just so he can get Brain alone so he can preach the Gospel of God’s Wrath to that smart-aleck atheist sinner.

The next half of the episode will feature Mr. Ratburn teaching the kids of Lakewood Elementary the Bible-believing values of picketing abortion clinics. Francine will accuse her garbage-collecting dad of being a liberal Environmentalist in league with an Emergent Global Warming cult. The kids will out Muffy as a closeted anti-American commie for writing a blog that sounds suspiciously liberal: Muffington Post. {Edit: We would make another joke but we’ve erased all the gheyness from this originally abominable episode}. In the end Brain will finally get regenerated and accept his salvation through Mr. Ratburn’s preaching of the Law of the Angry Sovereign God of Wrath through a Way of the Master: “Are you a good person?” test. Afterwards Mr. Ratburn forces Brain to do a book report on Ray Comfort* Hell’s Best Kept Secret—Brain then agrees that bananas prove that Evolution is a myth invented by liberally socialistic atheist scientists as well as Global Warming. The End?

{*- Note: Ray Comfort’s lawyer made us sign a non-disclosure agreement so we can’t tell you that when he heard about our project he begged us to let him be a part of it and to let us let him plug his book and ways of evangelism through guilt and fear. Also Kirk Cameron and Candace Cameron-Bure’s as well so we can’t tell you that Kirk Cameron is voicing the Brain; Candace is voicing Francine as well as Muffy and Mrs. Ratburn/all the girl parts (so we could cut costs—we also pay her less); and Ray of course is voicing Mr. Ratburn.} 

“Finally an animated anthropomorphic animal marriage for True Bible-believers and a great Bible-believing episode of Arthur. This is entertainment as it’s meant to be—a fight on the leftist assault on our values, eyes and ears— please consider a large donation to the Online Discernmentalist Mafia to help us continue our good fight on fictional gay characters like cartoon rats.”—Activist Mommy after viewing a donors’ only sneak preview of the newly discernmentalized version of the “controversial” Arthur episode.

Protecting the children through fear,

Don Jobson

 


Are The Council on Biblical Manhood and womanhood Evanjellyfish?

May 14, 2019

cbmw

Beardless weirdos

The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (CBMW) exposed as weak gutless grace wimpy girliemen as per our Clear Teachings that all Truly Biblical manly-men have beards. In fact we’re beginning to question the Spine of their doctrines as they claim to teach gender distinction but are all clean shaven men. Where does such thinking come from? Where is the consistency when it is taught women have to dress like women and know their place but men can claim “christian liberty” when it comes to shaving off the God given mark of masculinity.

Only spineless Evanjellyfish would shave their beards off—now we all know Spurgeon the Prince of Preachers had a beard that’s why his Doctrines were so Pure as did Calvin. Luther once had a beard but had a lapse of judgment and shaved it off—if only he had followed Calvin’s example when he started the Protestant Reformation when Calvin was only 8 years old. We believe that’s why he erred in attacking our Truth that Calvin’s teachings are the most important teachings in all of Church History as any True Reformer would like John MacArthur (PBUH)*:

 It is recorded that Luther later said that Calvin was “educated, but strongly suspected of the error of the Sacramentarians.”[1] That is, that Calvin did not believe the same things regarding the Lord’s Supper as the Lutheran Reformers.

In this it appears that in Luther’s grand biography Calvin does not receive a great deal of mention. For Luther, Calvin would appear perhaps as a footnote.

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*- John MacArthur (PBUH) author of The Truth War

How can the CBMW expect to stop the GLBT hordes if they refuse to follow the Bible’s Clear Teachings that all True and Godly manly-men have beards?

In our current culture, the progressive trends of gender confusion and transgenderism is all the more reason we should uphold the biblical picture of a masculine man by having beards to stand separated from the pagan culture of today.

Thankfully you have True Bible-based ministries like ours with the Spines and beards to prove it to help protect you in the Purity of our facial hair—and the Sound Doctrines of the Ways of the Master himself which teach Absolute Biblical Truth in his book The Truth War: Fighting for Certainty in an Age of Deception from the spineless beardless GLBT Evanjellyfish agenda slipping into our churches.

 


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