Pastor Steven Dilday Needs You!

September 19, 2011

Pastor Steven Dilday needs you to spread the fear and spread the hate against Roman Catholics and Protestants who wear clerical collars and vestments! Yes, we too want you to get behind this most pressing and urgent of issues in our zeal for the defense of the Pure Doctrines of our Truth War. How dare we let those grace-hating heretics wear inappropriate church-going attire in their church services! We must take a stand in Sovereign grace and Wrath and put a stop to this nonsense. We Know that Jesus would never approve of men who lead churches wearing dresses in their services. Clearly this must be the MYSTERY OF INIQUITIES: the BABYLONIAN ROAD BACK TO ROME! We must hate this unbiblical heresy against the Doctrines of Grace with A commendable hatred. So remember these words from the Truth War Gospel: “Liberty and Grace to you; hate the rest!”


Love wins people over to heresy!

April 4, 2011

Ladies, Gentleman, and Underlings,  we knew that the fallout from the Rob Bell heretical view of non-hell was going to undermine the truth of scripture and lead many astray (sorry for the lack of grammatical clarity but we are so upset over this news we can’t use punctuation properly) but never did we imagine the magnitude of   the fallout.  Nor did we imagine the swiftness in which the Devil was going to lead people astray.   Nor did we think that our leadership would fall.

What’s the big news?

Hold on to your phylacteries,  bathe in holy water, hide the eyes of the innocent, and prepare the millstones:  R.C. Sproul (a.k.a second in charge [behind John McArthur PBUH] of calvinist dogma doctrine) says GOD IS IN HELL!    I wish we could say that we are making this up,  we wish that we could say that there was some confusion of intent, we wish that we could say wait until the book comes out but we can’t.  The truth is that R.C. Sproul believes firmly that GOD IS IN HELL based on this excerpt from his upcoming book “The place of God’s Disfavor”.

The problem with hell is not simply the absence of God’s graciousness. It is the presence of God that is so difficult. God is present in hell because He is omnipresent. The psalmist declares, “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there” (Ps. 139:7-8). If God is everywhere in His being, then certainly He is in hell as much as He is anywhere else. The problem, then, is what He is doing there. He’s there in His judgment. He is there in His punitive wrath. He is present in hell as the One who executes His justice on those who are there. That’s why I say that anyone who is in hell would most want God, more than anyone else, to leave.

 

Rob Bell says there is no Hell.  R.C. Sproul says God is in Hell.  What next? God is Dead? Only God knows…well…and us.  After all we are discermentalists!


Attention Truth Warriors

December 24, 2010

It’s the most Satanic time of the year. Help us out by supporting our Truth War on German Lutherans. You can continue pledging your total allegiance to us by doing this, continuing your committed support of Bush’s illegal invasion of  the Iraq war and outlawing Christmas as one of our most hallowed Discernmentalists has noted: ” Btw, if you want to see a large, lavish Christmas display in a mall… go to Dubai in the UAE! Many countries that are not Christian celebrate this holiday. That right there should tell Christians it’s not of God!”

And you wouldn’t want to do anything that non-Christians let alone non-Americans do. Why if you celebrate Christmas you are supporting terrorism and the terrorists. Most of all how dare anyone have fun or take pleasure and joy in anything….for fun, pleasure and joy are a sin and you know how much our God of Absolute Sovereign Wrath and commendable hatred hates sin and sinners.

 

So this December pray that the war on Iraq continues and that more people would open their eyes and make war on Christmas. This message is brought to you by your friendly neighborhood GOIP Committee of Concerned Citizens in conjunction with Killjoy Puritan Calvinazi Church

 


How a pastor must handle the New Believer who comes to your church

November 3, 2010

When a new believer comes to your church you need to understand Jesus is not done with them yet. This gives you the pastor and staff the opportunity to create this new believer in YOUR image instead of the image of Jesus. Often the new believer is confused as to what is happening to them. They only know that their sense an inner change they never knew before. Often these people feel compelled by some outside source to read the bible and as we all know that could lead to strange beliefs like loving others, forgiveness of others, a desire to give up some bad habits and so on. While not all of those things are bad and some are good, we must remember the new believer is like a tender twig that can be bent whatever way we desire. So, here is the anatomy of a New Believer (NB) that we must create in OUR image (just like in Genesis remember?)

1. The head: We first help them realize they have no brain and must give up any type of thinking contrary to our doctrines.

2. Eyes: Now that God has opened their eyes to see Him, we must train the NB what to see (the offering plate) and what not to see (the street person who has real need).

3. Ears: God has opened their ears so now you the pastor must make sure that they only hear those approved things the doctrines let us hear. You must also train the NB to deny some things they may have heard and confuse them to believe they heard things YOU want them to hear when they actually never did.

4. Nose: The NB must learn fast how to hold their nose up in contempt of lesser deserving Christians saved by Grace.

5. The arms: Designed to hold others, must be used to hold people away.

6. The heart: God gave them a new heart, your job as a pastor is to keep it from truly expressing that new heart and hold it in confusion with political ideas that conflict with what God is telling them.

7. The shoulders: While God has lifted the great burden the NB once shouldered, your job as a pastor is to begin to add new burden (church growth projects or the church building program) so they will begin to do things in the flesh and not the Spirit.

8. The stomach: Sometimes a NB will begin to feel nauseas at some of your teaching, as they will want to do silly things like tell their friends (those who we deem unworthy for our churches like gay people for instance). Appease the NB by telling them about conferences that talk about 10 ways to a better prayer life or 10 ways to tithe more.

9. The reproductive organs. Let me get this clear to all of you. When you come to Jesus there is no sex except between a man and his wife. If you have any sexual urges outside of marriage, you are abnormal and perverted! God did not give you sex organs for pleasure, just ask my wife about that!

10. The Spine: You must remove it so the NB will not stand up against you!

11. The Skin: It must become thick enough to not care about those laughing at the NB while they are standing on a corner shouting anti abortion or anti gay slogans, yet thin enough that you the pastor can still get under and make the NB uncomfortable if they do not try to please you!

12. Feet. The feet must be hobbled so the NB will not be able to leave. One technique is to make them feel sense of loyalty by stating things like “We are a family here, you can’t just leave your family,” or “God set the pastor over you so you cannot just disobey God by leaving.” This will buy you time as you the pastor work out a new way to confuse so that you may abuse the New Believer that may come to your church.

Just remember, it is much easeir to keep your church going with techniques like these than to trust the Holy Spirit in someone else to guide them. By controling the NB, you can ensure a new generation of believers who will focus on building programs and keeping you the pastor in a stable income.


ODM Science Lesson # 6

September 12, 2010

100%  Todd Friel Approved:

P. S. Buy our new anti-science book!


ODMafia wishes to ban Lake Titicaca!

August 17, 2010

Our every truthful, always discerning Research Robot Monkeys have discovered a lake in Peru: Lake Titicaca. You KNOW as well as I do what this name entails!!!!  The name is littered with verbal filth and vulgarity…and our readers should be shielded from this. We are not surprised at all, especially when found in a foreign country.  As a matter of fact we believe that there are NO Christians in Peru and therefore would explain why a lake would have such a heinous name.  It is probably that there are no Christians in Peru because there are no freedom loving Republicans who live there.

We are encouraging all our faithful discernmentalist brethren to place a ban on Lake Titicaca. In fact we implore you to boycott his lake by taking a stand and NOT going on vacation at Lake Titicaca. We therefore ask Eric’s Take A Stand, Crosstalk, Apprising Ministries, Brannon Howse, Lighthouse Trails, Discerning the World and others to truly fight this until Peru CHANGES the name of this dastardly lake. Let’s strike back at darkness, by proclaiming absolute biblical truth….this is a war worth fighting.

Truthslayer

PS IF Peru will not relent on the name change, we will lobby congress to begin lobbing bombs until freedom reigns in Peru!


Our American Gospel Pledge

July 27, 2010

[ from the “US Christian Flag” designer’s website ]

YOU are the USA Regiment, Army of God.  THIS IS HIS LAND & YOU ARE HIS PEOPLE –raise your flag!  CHRISTIAN AMERICANS, BAND TOGETHER!

“The Pledge of Allegiance  

I pledge allegiance, to the Christian Flag,

of the United States of America,

and to the Lord, who made us great and free.

I purpose, to band together, with all believers,

to protect the truth and liberty of God.

June 13, 2005  Please note:   there is clearly confusion among many.  This pledge, flag, and its mission is not to replace our government pledge OR Old Glory.  We are NOT trying to overthrow our government or force anyone to be a Christian.   We are, however, honoring our LORD and protecting our Christian heritage and liberties.  We are allowed to do that under our Constitution.   The State cannot dictate to our church that we may not. When that day ever comes, You and I will all be in a desperate condition.  May we please agree upon that much?” —-H/T:   http://www.talk2action.org/story/2006/5/11/151212/239 .

P. S. Act now and recieve our Flag free with the purchase of 1 1611 King James Bible the Authorized American Version.


%d bloggers like this: