Eric…Heresy Free!

May 19, 2019

thank goodness

The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer:

‘I thank you, God, that I am not a HERETIC like everyone else. For my theological doctrines are pure (American & conservative), I pray 3 times a day (unlike my Muslim enemies who pray excessively at 5 prayers), I refuse to address social justice (because that sounds too my like socialism), I attack anyone who critiques capitalism (because consumerism, accumulation & exploitation) has nothing to do with the good news (and unAmerican). I also criticize anyone who speaks against militarism by calling them commies and liberals…because I am thankful to be alone in holding up the absolute biblical truth.

Finally ….I thank-you that I go from church to church to speak against other believers & calling them false teachers, heretics and apostates.”

Hunting down heretics and spotting heresies in our many enemies for your protection,

Truthslayer out (as in outing heretics)!


Introducing: Our Newest Course….Heresy-Hunting 101!

April 27, 2019

heresy

Direct from our Pulpit & Pens we’ll teach you  how to be master Heresy-Hunters such as ourselves:

  1. You cannot underestimate the inability of most Christians to perceive the dangers around them. Again, being discernmentalizing is not about being psychic. (Unless of course you’re like us and have Bible-osmosis). Most discernmentmentalism is just about paying attention to your spiritual surroundings. Most people just will not stop and notice. Go to the shopping mall and watch people. Most people are walking around completely oblivious to the dangers around them, walking from Victoria’s Secret to Spencer’s Gifts without looking up from their Angry Birds app. And if you look long enough, you’ll see somebody else watching people – that’s the discernmentalizing guy. As paranoid as it may be, I’ve always been the type of guy to sit with my back to the wall at a restaurant or watching the hands of the guy in front of me at the convenience store. I’m cognizant of the vehicles that go down my street and have a mental note of the makes and models of all the vehicles on my block in case something is out of place. Most people are simply not that way, and that goes for Christians in the spiritual realm.

  2. You cannot underestimate the inability of most Christians to be students of history – ancient or near history. Ronald Reagan reportedly said, “For liberals, history began when they were born.” For many Christians, that’s probably too optimistic; for many, history began this morning. Another apocalypse date? Really? Again?! And yet, Christians are falling for this. Another omen interpretation? For crying out loud. Rick Warren again insinuates an altogether different cult from last time are his spiritual brothers and you think he just is inarticulate…again. For realsies? Osteen again plays the “I don’t know” card when he’s asked about the exclusivity of Christ? The fact is, most Christians aren’t keeping track of this stuff. They don’t read the news. The first time a sheep “accidentally” bumps off a fellow sheep maybe they’re just clumsy. The second time, it’s bizarre. But the third time that sheep rolls in with mutton between his teeth and lamb’s blood on his chin and you might just have a wolf.

  3. The “discernmentmentalist community” seems to speak in almost absolute unity concerning the more prominent wolves in the flock of modern evangelicalism. There are hyper-Arminians in the Pulpit Bunker. They’re there because they don’t agree with us on discernmentalist issues and they hate and try to pervert our Pure soteriology. There isn’t a Lutheran discernmentalist community, because they’re not Calvinistic enough to be True Christians©®™. There’s a Presbyterian discernmentalist community fighting for our Pure Church polity. There’s a Reformed Baptist discernmentalist community and one in almost every segment of evangelicalism except in charismatic circles (haven’t found one there yet). We may strangle each other over infant “baptism” (see those scare quotes I did just for giggles?) but we agree on Warren, Osteen, Meyer, Moore, the other Moore, the Mystichicks, et al. What could possibly be the reason for that unity, despite the obvious division? It’s #4.

  4. Discernmentalism is a spiritual gift, and should be fostered and promoted as essential to the local and universal church. The reason for unity in the discernment community is that discernment really is a Spirit-led (Hebrews 5:14). The same Spirit that guides the Presbyterians (but not the Lutherans) is the same spirit that leads the Reformed Baptists. We may don’t have different hermeneutics or interpretative presuppositions that allows us to land in different Confessions as our discernmentalist spidey senses all tingle when a wolf draws near.

  5. No matter how many times you’re right, you’re a H8r. No one (well, hardly no one) will come to you and say, “Okay. You were right. Sorry for calling you a H8r.” No, it’s “Lucky guess, but you’re still a H8r.” If you’re in this business for the public accolades, you’ll be sorely disappointed.

If your church is a True Church like ours then they would benefit from our Clear Teachings in this course on Heresy-Hunting as our Teachings are the same as the late great Ken Silva’s Clear Teachings who recommended and followed the Clear Teachings of our Pope of our Truth War John MacArthur (PBUH)’s Clear Teachings—so that makes us more than qualified in our expertise to lecture you on True Heresy-Hunting. Just one second of our course will  make you an expert Discernmentalist and Master Heresy-Hunter just not  as high and mighty in the standards of our Doctrine. Applicants must complete our self-righteousness course first.


Is Franklin Graham Secretly A Sintologist?

April 21, 2019

18

Recently our Research Robot Monkeys came upon some disturbing slander information that disturbed us so much that we had to take up our pen to write quality essays of discernmentalism again. Here it goes: is Franklin Graham a Sintologist? We have proofs:

We know that the Church of Scientology tried to recruit Billy Graham: “As far back as 1955, Hubbard recognized the value of famous people to his fledgling, off-beat church when he inaugurated “Project Celebrity.” According to Hubbard, Scientologists should target prominent individuals as their “quarry” and bring them back like trophies for Scientology.

He listed the following people of that era as suitable prey: Edward R. Murrow, Marlene Dietrich, Ernest Hemingway, Howard Hughes, Greta Garbo, Walt Disney, Henry Luce, Billy Graham, Groucho Marx and others of similar stature.

“If you bring one of them home you will get a small plaque as a reward,” Hubbard wrote in a Scientology magazine more than three decades ago.”

The Grahams being the apostates they are—are guilty by association for being ecumenical against our clear teachings with the perverted Scientology cult: “”They are a class act,” he said of the couple. “She has traveled with me and Samaritan’s Purse to North Korea, Sudan, Iraq, Cambodia, Vietnam, Burma, Haiti, and other places over the years, and she has always used her position to try to help people in need. She has also come to Alaska to visit and encourage our wounded veterans and their spouses on numerous occasions. We are deeply grateful to this incredibly generous and gracious individual. She is a professional with integrity. I look forward to seeing where Greta will go in this new chapter of her life.” Graham also encouraged fans to follow Van Susteren‘s Facebook page to “see what will come next.” Van Susteren joined Fox in 2002 after more than a decade as a legal analyst at CNN. She will be replaced, starting today, by senior political analyst Brit Hume, the network said.  The news anchor and her husband, who wed in 1988, both adhere to Scientology, a controversial religion founded by American science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard which “seeks self-knowledge and spiritual fulfillment through graded courses of study and training.” Despite their religious differences, both Franklin Graham and his father, renowned evangelist Billy Graham, have referred to Coale and Van Susteren as “close friends.” The elder Graham has also expressed admiration for Coale’s strength and courage in his book, “The Reason For My Hope.””

  • He’s too soft in not promoting our Truth War Doctrines
  • Pope Pyro I aka John MacArthur (PBUH) once took a stand against Billy
  • Phil Johnson aka Hugh Jass already dscernmentalized: ” Franklin Graham was “shocked” (shocked!) to find that his organization’s web site had a page labeling Scientology as a “cult.” They took the page down, and it’s down for good. Why?”

This is why we  had to bring back our humble Gospel Coalition and take a stand against Franklin’s slide into the apostasy of Sintology. Repent of your abominations heretics. We ask you what would our illustrious most Holy most Inerrant Pope Pyro I aka John MacArthur (PBUH) do? We leave you these words of our Truth Wars from Tyrone V. Hoofendorfer: “I’m all for anyone leaving the so called Church of Scientology. It IS a cult. However, Paul Haggis says his reason for leaving the church is their support of Prop. 8. That would be one of the very few reasons I support this church. Homosexuals and homosexuality need to go back in the closet. They should NOT be proud of themselves. Homosexuality is a reprehensible sin. A lot of you will complain and call me names. I don’t care. I KNOW that YOU are the sinners, NOT ME!!!”

In the great love of our merciful Sovereign God of unsatisfied Wrath,

Pastor I.Todyaso


Love wins people over to heresy!

April 4, 2011

Ladies, Gentleman, and Underlings,  we knew that the fallout from the Rob Bell heretical view of non-hell was going to undermine the truth of scripture and lead many astray (sorry for the lack of grammatical clarity but we are so upset over this news we can’t use punctuation properly) but never did we imagine the magnitude of   the fallout.  Nor did we imagine the swiftness in which the Devil was going to lead people astray.   Nor did we think that our leadership would fall.

What’s the big news?

Hold on to your phylacteries,  bathe in holy water, hide the eyes of the innocent, and prepare the millstones:  R.C. Sproul (a.k.a second in charge [behind John McArthur PBUH] of calvinist dogma doctrine) says GOD IS IN HELL!    I wish we could say that we are making this up,  we wish that we could say that there was some confusion of intent, we wish that we could say wait until the book comes out but we can’t.  The truth is that R.C. Sproul believes firmly that GOD IS IN HELL based on this excerpt from his upcoming book “The place of God’s Disfavor”.

The problem with hell is not simply the absence of God’s graciousness. It is the presence of God that is so difficult. God is present in hell because He is omnipresent. The psalmist declares, “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there” (Ps. 139:7-8). If God is everywhere in His being, then certainly He is in hell as much as He is anywhere else. The problem, then, is what He is doing there. He’s there in His judgment. He is there in His punitive wrath. He is present in hell as the One who executes His justice on those who are there. That’s why I say that anyone who is in hell would most want God, more than anyone else, to leave.

 

Rob Bell says there is no Hell.  R.C. Sproul says God is in Hell.  What next? God is Dead? Only God knows…well…and us.  After all we are discermentalists!


Love Wins?

March 1, 2011

         

             A Blog Post by some of the Research Robot Monkeys

                          of the Online Discernmentalist Mafia:

Recently the ultra-mega sinfully ecumenical quasi-semi-Pelagian reprobated and heretical Universalist Emergent guru Rob Bell broke into the OD Mafia Headquarters. “Ho ho;” he said, “I’ve got Good News for you today…Love Wins.”

Alarmed by the disturbance our masters and heroes Dr. I . Todyaso, Dr. Truthslayer and Dr. Don Jobson quickly withdrew their weapons. Now brandishing their bullhorns in the manner of Todd Friel—they began to shout down that vile and Wretched sinner Rob Bell. Our heroes the OD Mafia proclaimed the True Gospel—the good news of God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath and commendable hatred towards all those whose doctrines are impure and theology is incorrect.

All Rob Bell could say was “Love Wins…Love Wins…Love Wins…” Suddenly during the chaos Brian D. “amn your soul to hell” McLaren appeared in a mystical mist of confusion and grabbed the noble crew of the Online Discernmentalist Mafia and then disappeared. We haven’t seen or heard from either Dr. I . Todyaso, Dr. Truthslayer or Dr. Don Jobson ever since—although we suspect that those symbols of all that is evil in the world Rob Bell and Brian McLaren are holding them captive. The last thing we saw was Rob Bell driving off in a van laughing and calmly proclaiming that “Love Wins.”

P. S. If you see an Ice Cream Truck disguised as a traveling ministry with “Love Wins” painted on the side, please report the sighting to your nearest local Discernmentalist church.

            A. J. Research Robot Monkeys filling in for the OD Mafia


Keep fear alive!

November 11, 2010

With the all new MIND CONTROL SPRAY (researched by ODMAFIA) – you simply apply the spray to any clear thinking person rejects your illogical lines of random and ill conceived thoughts. Whomever is sprayed will begin to succumb to such as phrases as “bible believing,” “absolute biblical truth,” and “bible based, ” as a form of self-affirming circular logic. Because we say its true…it is true  Using these phrases coupled with almost any idea imaginable will enable someone under control of the MIND CONTROL SPRAY to appreciate any insight you have as “bible believing” etc. In addition, if you suffer from any latent paranoia regarding the potential for false teaching this will aid in bringing your fears to an entirely new level. With MIND CONTROL SPRAY you will quickly begin referring everyone who does not measure up to your perfect doctrine as unAmerican, unbiblical, liberal, left-wing, emergent, catholic, anglican, liberal-biased, heretic, communist, democrat, socialist, marxist, peaceniks and anti-semite.

Bible based slander is needed in these troubling times….be sure to order yours today!

Truthslayer endorsed.

PS Use two squirts of Mind Control to reduce any peace loving, anti-war sentiment.


Precious American Gospel Bible Verses

July 26, 2010

Any True Christian American Patriot and True Citizen of the Kingdom of God aka America should keep these Bible verses as close to their hearts as their guns and ammunition:

For Christ came to butcher, destroy, bomb and burn our enemies so that they may die more violently. (John MacArthur 10:10).

The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is long-suffering to us-ward, and is willing that all our enemies should perish, so that America may stand forever. (Second Peter Ruckman 3:9).

 For we know Him who said, “VENGEANCE IS OURS TO REPAY.” And again, “AMERICA WILL JUDGE ALL PEOPLE.” sayeth the Lord. (Bob “Hebrews” Jones 10:30).

But I tell you: Hate your enemies and pray an Imprecatory Prayer that God through American Military Might might smite as many of them as possible. (Matthew Ken Silva 5:44).

—All Scriptures  quoted from the 1611 King James Bible the Authorized American Version aka Chuck Norris’ Bible.


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