Farewell again @John Piper!

May 22, 2019

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The push of the social gospel is now reaching even those who have been staunch supporters of the work we do here at ODMafia. Our beloved and revered under leader of reformed theology, John Piper, has slipped the tracks. Abandoning the true faith for the man pleasing Gospel of Shane Claiborne. In the following video you will hear Pastor Piper declare to the “Young, Restless, and Reformed” crowd to not waste their lives on retirement. Instead he admonishes them to consider; clean water, homeless people, and the needy:

I too like my fellow Discernmentalists am becoming so tired of hearing people in the church talking about being on the social justice committee. There is a difference between justice and social justice! For one Social Justice is cultural marxism and every church needs to get on the same page and disavow themselves from using this leftest marxist terminology and simply call their churches work justice, plain and simple! Secondly Social justice sounds too like Satan’s doctrine: socialism…and you don’t clink glass with the devils cohort’s or entertain the devils terminology even when it sound all warm and fuzzy. “Idiots”!!!!

Are any of our Doctrines and fellow Reformed types safe from being perverted by the heretical hordes? Finally my faithful Truth Warriors I leave you this quote from our Beloved Over-leader John MacArthur (PBUH):

aspects of true justice are conspicuously missing from the recent evangelical dialogue touting “social justice.” Instead, what we hear is an echo of the same accusatory rhetoric and political slogans being shouted by secular social justice warriors. That fact ought to awaken the Berean urge in every Christian.


Breaking: Discernmentalists to release newly discernmentalized version of “controversial” Arthur episode!

May 17, 2019

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Discernmentalists’ Discernmentalized Version of the Ratburn wedding episode of Arthur

Discernmentalists around the web have banded together to stop the assault on our Biblical marriages by fictional gay cartoon rats as we’ve already explained: Here and Here. So in keeping with our Discernmentalist traditions—we’ve decided to release a newly ghey and Canadian-free discernmentalized version of said “controversial” Arthur episode. Dr. Truthslayer has assured me that he has rounded up an all hetero white Conservative Bible-believing American voice cast to make sure the voice acting is ghey free. Ken Ham has overseen the reanimation process so that no lines may tempt viewers into becoming ghey. Dr. I. Todyaso has written an impeccable script and a PSA that will show at both the beginning and the end of the episode.

In our new discernmentalized version of this episode—suspected Sintologist Franklin Graham will voice act the Minister that will Biblically marry Mr. Ratburn to a Mrs. Ratburn instead of a Mr. Whocares. After the wedding Mr. Ratburn being a Bible-believing rat will assert his Male Headship over his new wife reminding her that her place is at home in the kitchen making his dinner and baby rats. On weekends when he’s not forcing doing Bible-based stuff with his new wife or doing his job to support and protect her through his 401k Elementary school teaching career—he’ll give Brain extra credit assignments just so he can get Brain alone so he can preach the Gospel of God’s Wrath to that smart-aleck atheist sinner.

The next half of the episode will feature Mr. Ratburn teaching the kids of Lakewood Elementary the Bible-believing values of picketing abortion clinics. Francine will accuse her garbage-collecting dad of being a liberal Environmentalist in league with an Emergent Global Warming cult. The kids will out Muffy as a closeted anti-American commie for writing a blog that sounds suspiciously liberal: Muffington Post. {Edit: We would make another joke but we’ve erased all the gheyness from this originally abominable episode}. In the end Brain will finally get regenerated and accept his salvation through Mr. Ratburn’s preaching of the Law of the Angry Sovereign God of Wrath through a Way of the Master: “Are you a good person?” test. Afterwards Mr. Ratburn forces Brain to do a book report on Ray Comfort* Hell’s Best Kept Secret—Brain then agrees that bananas prove that Evolution is a myth invented by liberally socialistic atheist scientists as well as Global Warming. The End?

{*- Note: Ray Comfort’s lawyer made us sign a non-disclosure agreement so we can’t tell you that when he heard about our project he begged us to let him be a part of it and to let us let him plug his book and ways of evangelism through guilt and fear. Also Kirk Cameron and Candace Cameron-Bure’s as well so we can’t tell you that Kirk Cameron is voicing the Brain; Candace is voicing Francine as well as Muffy and Mrs. Ratburn/all the girl parts (so we could cut costs—we also pay her less); and Ray of course is voicing Mr. Ratburn.} 

“Finally an animated anthropomorphic animal marriage for True Bible-believers and a great Bible-believing episode of Arthur. This is entertainment as it’s meant to be—a fight on the leftist assault on our values, eyes and ears— please consider a large donation to the Online Discernmentalist Mafia to help us continue our good fight on fictional gay characters like cartoon rats.”—Activist Mommy after viewing a donors’ only sneak preview of the newly discernmentalized version of the “controversial” Arthur episode.

Protecting the children through fear,

Don Jobson

 


Are The Council on Biblical Manhood and womanhood Evanjellyfish?

May 14, 2019

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Beardless weirdos

The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (CBMW) exposed as weak gutless grace wimpy girliemen as per our Clear Teachings that all Truly Biblical manly-men have beards. In fact we’re beginning to question the Spine of their doctrines as they claim to teach gender distinction but are all clean shaven men. Where does such thinking come from? Where is the consistency when it is taught women have to dress like women and know their place but men can claim “christian liberty” when it comes to shaving off the God given mark of masculinity.

Only spineless Evanjellyfish would shave their beards off—now we all know Spurgeon the Prince of Preachers had a beard that’s why his Doctrines were so Pure as did Calvin. Luther once had a beard but had a lapse of judgment and shaved it off—if only he had followed Calvin’s example when he started the Protestant Reformation when Calvin was only 8 years old. We believe that’s why he erred in attacking our Truth that Calvin’s teachings are the most important teachings in all of Church History as any True Reformer would like John MacArthur (PBUH)*:

 It is recorded that Luther later said that Calvin was “educated, but strongly suspected of the error of the Sacramentarians.”[1] That is, that Calvin did not believe the same things regarding the Lord’s Supper as the Lutheran Reformers.

In this it appears that in Luther’s grand biography Calvin does not receive a great deal of mention. For Luther, Calvin would appear perhaps as a footnote.

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*- John MacArthur (PBUH) author of The Truth War

How can the CBMW expect to stop the GLBT hordes if they refuse to follow the Bible’s Clear Teachings that all True and Godly manly-men have beards?

In our current culture, the progressive trends of gender confusion and transgenderism is all the more reason we should uphold the biblical picture of a masculine man by having beards to stand separated from the pagan culture of today.

Thankfully you have True Bible-based ministries like ours with the Spines and beards to prove it to help protect you in the Purity of our facial hair—and the Sound Doctrines of the Ways of the Master himself which teach Absolute Biblical Truth in his book The Truth War: Fighting for Certainty in an Age of Deception from the spineless beardless GLBT Evanjellyfish agenda slipping into our churches.

 


Boogie-Foot! Lives: A Cousin Of Bigfoot?

May 9, 2019

b782TruthScooper Times Reports— Recently discovered by Discernmentalists a new breed of the hideously heretically apostate Emerging hybrids—-a Semi-Pelagianese that was once thought to be extinct: Boogie-Foot. This four-eyed Romish unnatural perversion of God’s Holy Creation is said to be a close cousin of Bigfoot and is just one more of the ways in which the evil Emergent Babylonian hordes of Brian “Darn your soul to heck” McLaren’s apostate army stoops in order to eradicate Absolute Biblical Truth (as defined by our Truth War Pope). This hideous hybrid of Monocles and Synergy hypnotizes it’s victims with Contemplative chanting and the unholy flames of candlelight reminding all of it’s hellish origins and doctrines of demons. It chains it’s victims with the burden of Free Grace and a Freed Will towards charitable works. Rumors say it gravitates towards couches and dark roast coffee and other sinisterly Socialistic past times like soccer not to mention Sacher Tortes.

We were granted permission to help ODM Researchmentalists interview a survivor of a Boogie-Foot abduction who spun this mighty fine yarn:

Then they approached me, and I pissed my pants, literally. I am not ashamed to say this, I was so fearful I had no idea if this was it you know? That’s when I saw their heads. Their necks were hairless and they reminded me of vultures. Their heads had red hair, but also black feathers or I don’t know what it was, but it looked like feathers to me. Their eyes were dark, very dark and big as they got close to me.

His hair was long and about the same texture as mine as I recall. The hair on all of them was about the same shade of brown, like the color of the decomposed wood layer in the forest. I could see skin around his eyes that was tanned looking and where there was facial hair it was more sparse with glimpses of skin showing through that area as well. I couldn’t make out a neck.  His chin was broad, his teeth were about the size of the nail on my middle finger but they were more flat and he had a mouthful of them meaning the width of his “bite” was wide.  His mouth was wide enough to show most of them.  His eyes were dark with some white around them, less so than human eyes.  They were kind with crows feet at the outer edge of them.  His skin was weathered like anyone who spent much time outside, like a farmer.  His shoulders were very broad though I did see his collar bone on one side which looked thick compared to a humans.  He was muscular and heavily built but in no way fat. (Source)

When they preach a sermon, they are practically choosing their theological roots by what they say in the pulpit.  They may not use the same word of phrase, but their meaning is quite the same, and sometimes just as strong as Pelagius or Arminius of old.  Instead of wrestling with these ideas, Evangelicals today simply follow the crowd at chow time.  They eat what their pastors give them without any recourse to study what is being said or check if their pastor is right.  Instead, because of a charismata that is easier to feel than exegesis is to study, they are falling headlong into the abyss of Pelagian and Semi-Pelagian doctrine which is another Gospel, or no Gospel, altogether.  Entire Christian universities and theological schools have been given over to this blatant kind of religious humanism.  John Owen rightly said in his day, “Many at this day will condemn both Pelagius and the doctrine that he taught, in the words wherein he taught it, and yet embrace and approve of the things themselves which he intended.”[69]

However, though Owen said this four hundred years ago, it is more true today than it was at his time.  But there has been a change.  It is not that men deny Pelagianism, for most pastors have no idea what Pelagianism or Semi-Pelagianism is at all.  Rather, they simply believe the doctrines of Pelagius and Arminius at the expense of even knowing in which theological camp they are historically bound.  Truly, the Evangelical church today is captive.

It is impossible to deny the overwhelming degree that the church is under the Pelagian captivity of old.—Mick Russels

Researchmentalists theorize that Boogie-Foot’s prime habitation is in the Synagogue of Satan deep within Emergent Villages and that there may be others among them based on the victim’s testimony in the above interview. Little is known about Boogie-Foot other than what Discernmentalist Researchmentalists in the field of Sintology have observed using their herescopes. Although beard hair samples have been collected and tested by top Sintologists. The test results revealed just what we expected that it’s beard is unbiblical. Supposedly this particular one had spider arms. Putting all together what we know these TruthScoopers warn: Beware the Boogie-Foot that cometh lest the Reformation erode.

 

————-Julia Bottomman, AP


“Reformation Eroding!”: Warns Pulpit & Pen

April 24, 2019

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Once again the Pure Doctrines of our most Holy most illustrious most inerrant Pope of our Truth War (PBUH) have come under attack. Our Research Robot Monkeys have noted that one of our own Al Mohler (who we already exposed as a Socialist against our Clear Teachings) did something that we ODMs disapprove of: mourned the fire at Notre Dame against our Clear Teachings against such. Quote:

Like most in the Evangelical Intelligentsia, Albert Mohler is signaling a virtue that is almost altogether disconnected from his theology. The long, long line to mourn the loss of a Temple of Idols forms somewhere near the headquarters of The Social Gospel Coalition, who lean heavily upon Roman Catholic Liberation Theology to support their progressive political agenda.

Mohler wrote an article entitled History Burning Before Our Eyes in which he laments the loss of so much ‘history.’ The history of Roman Catholicism has been the death of hundreds of thousands of Protestants, abject tyranny, responsibility for the Dark Ages, and the propagation of superstitious anti-Christ religion around the world.

We here at the ODMafia agree that this is a clear perversion of our the Doctrines of Grace and will erode the Protestant Reformation of Martin Luther’s (who observed Easter against our clear teachings on it’s pagan catholic origins) and John Calvin (who was influenced by the Patristics against our clear teachings to avoid all things Catholic). For shame Al—repent back to our Angry ODM Truth War Gospel against all those we deem unworthy of God’s grace or the liberals; gays; emergent hordes; Catholics; semi-pelagians; Rob Bell;  Armenians; pacifists; extraterrestrials; Red Letter Christians; Dracula; Bigfoot; etc. whose God’s love wins will erode our Reformation and the Purity of our Sound Doctrines and prevent us from bringing all of us back to the Dark Ages.

As noted by one of our fellow Discernmentalists after reading the excellent Discernmentalist article by Bullsh@t & Spin Dullspit & Sin Dips#it & Pretend Pulpit & Pen:

“Quite a shame Al Mohler bases his postmodern opinion on to the Reformers none of whom were Catholic. There was not even a shred of mention by them being influenced by Catholic belief. I’m sick of Social Justice promoting Christians? basing all their thoughts on things with “feelings.” I don’t care how you feel about things, you don’t get to change the facts to suit your preferences, just by posting your favorite leftist postmodern opinion. Truth be told the Reformers are rolling over in their graves with everything you jackasses have done to screw up the church.”—Tyrone V. Hoofendorfer

We move that Phil Johnson aka Hugh Jass  of the mighty Truth Warrior site Pyromaniacs force persuade Al to rejoin the ODM fold and take a stand in the Pure Doctrines of our most illustrious most Holy most inerrant Pope over ODMs and internet Calvinists everywhere (PBUH) or revoke his association with Mohler. In case you have forgotten my credentials—I was personally  mentored by the late great Pastor-Teacher to the Online Congregation of the True Remnant of ODMs—who personally sat at the feet of the late Walter Martin by pouring over his Apologetics cassette tapes for several hours. This gives me more than enough self-righteousness to discernmentalize and judgmentalize all those who don’t hold true to the Purity of our Doctrines of the Truth War.


A quick hitter

April 23, 2019

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Hello my faithful warriors for faith!  It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything for I was battling the semipelagianist  around the globe. 37 countries and countless battles and I firmly believe that we are winning the battle.  I ask that all of you stand steadfast against the teaching of the post modernists and liberal feminists.   Let us pray strongly for our brothers in arms John Piper and Rush Limbaugh.    Let us pray that God, in his sovereignty, would bless our great Truth War once again against all those who would stand against us and our eternal struggle. Let us fight against Easter worshippers and all those who would dare call Christians Easter worshippers. Let us spread more Pizzagates and QaNon propaganda to take a stand against the vaccinated apostates who pervert our Pure Doctrines for: “There is nothing makes a man suspect much, more than to know little.”—FRANCIS BACON, Of Suspicion, 1625.

I write this from the Fema Concentration camp that I stole my guns back from comforted by John MacArthur (PBUH)’s words: “There has been a conspiracy to cover up a truth that is so essential to the New Testament, that without it we misunderstand our relationship to Jesus Christ.” And we discernmentalists know all about conspiracies. I immediately renew my pledge in the Truth War to conspire in our Truth doctrines against the unwashed masses. Well I’m off to yet again fight with another camp of apostates, the lamestream media and hairy mystics chanting with earth worshipping feminists but I leave you with one conspiratorial essential quote which helps us understand our relationship to misogyny Jesus even more:

This is the real danger. The very idea of Christian feminism has become a Trojan horse for theological liberalism. The popular “Christian” feminists, such as Rachel Held Evans and Sarah Bessey, are advocates for a host of theologically liberal positions ranging from pro-gay theology to denying Biblical inerrancy to advocating for alternative views of God the Father Himself to minimizing the atonement. It is not as if they are drawing on historic Biblical doctrine to ground equality. Rather, they begin with a modernist conception of “equality” and insist on reading that into the Bible. Christian feminism is not based on good exegesis, but eisegesis. It is not a Christianization of feminism, but a secularization of Christianity. And it gains traction, especially among younger Christians, because there is a biblical ideal of equality based on man and woman’s creation in the image of God (see Genesis 1:26-27). Yet like all doctrinal dangers and compromises, the truth is mixed with a great deal of error. And while Christian feminism starts with a true proposition, it quickly devolves into a host of false teachings, biblical distortions, and even heresies.

If Christian feminism were marked by biblical teaching on sex and gender roles, and didn’t have a host of doctrinal distortions smuggled in with it, then I would have no quarrel or qualm with it. If my compatriots in the Assemblies of God would exercise even a little discernment when quoting Christian feminists who actively deny AG doctrine, I would be less concerned. But instead advocacy of Christian feminism, especially among Millennials, is doctrinally uninformed, Biblically void, historically ignorant, philosophically incoherent, and naive in nearly every way.

Christian feminism is a Trojan horse. It will rot the religion in which it appears, destroying from within Christianity’s Biblical and historic teachings on God and man’s relationship to Him. I know this sounds alarmist and overblown. But the time to sound alarmist is decidedly BEFORE the barbarians are inside the gates. You sound the alarm before the trap is sprung, in hopes that you don’t get caught in the trap. On doctrinal issues, I want to alert people to the problem before they make a commitment to false teaching (Proverbs 12:13).

To anyone who objects especially liberal feminists… I reply….

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Love wins people over to heresy!

April 4, 2011

Ladies, Gentleman, and Underlings,  we knew that the fallout from the Rob Bell heretical view of non-hell was going to undermine the truth of scripture and lead many astray (sorry for the lack of grammatical clarity but we are so upset over this news we can’t use punctuation properly) but never did we imagine the magnitude of   the fallout.  Nor did we imagine the swiftness in which the Devil was going to lead people astray.   Nor did we think that our leadership would fall.

What’s the big news?

Hold on to your phylacteries,  bathe in holy water, hide the eyes of the innocent, and prepare the millstones:  R.C. Sproul (a.k.a second in charge [behind John McArthur PBUH] of calvinist dogma doctrine) says GOD IS IN HELL!    I wish we could say that we are making this up,  we wish that we could say that there was some confusion of intent, we wish that we could say wait until the book comes out but we can’t.  The truth is that R.C. Sproul believes firmly that GOD IS IN HELL based on this excerpt from his upcoming book “The place of God’s Disfavor”.

The problem with hell is not simply the absence of God’s graciousness. It is the presence of God that is so difficult. God is present in hell because He is omnipresent. The psalmist declares, “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there” (Ps. 139:7-8). If God is everywhere in His being, then certainly He is in hell as much as He is anywhere else. The problem, then, is what He is doing there. He’s there in His judgment. He is there in His punitive wrath. He is present in hell as the One who executes His justice on those who are there. That’s why I say that anyone who is in hell would most want God, more than anyone else, to leave.

 

Rob Bell says there is no Hell.  R.C. Sproul says God is in Hell.  What next? God is Dead? Only God knows…well…and us.  After all we are discermentalists!


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