I believe I am correct on this – there are two branches to the Presbyterian church. There is the segment that follows Christ, and there is the segment which wants to cater to homosexuals. Kind of like, if you don’t want to follow Christ, we’ll let you play Christian until you meet Christ.
“Moreover, that it is most solemnly and strictly commanded that we must be baptized or we cannot be saved…” —Martin Luther
Contrary to the Founding Father of the Protestant Reformation Martin Luther who understood that baptism is NOT the cause of our salvation but that God chose to save through baptism. Salvation is given in baptism, though not because of faith. God is the cause of our salvation, it is not man’s faith or baptism on its own.
We are glad that our baptisms are as meaningless and purposeless as our lives are suppose to be as truly baptism doesn’t save. We are thankful that God has gifted us in this last generation of the End Times with the Greatest Living Teacher of the True Word of God—our very own Protestant Pope of The Truth War—John MacArthur (PBUH) who has come around to correct through Sola Scriptura the Protestant Reformation’s fore-father Martin Luther—the very founder of Sola Scriptura himself 500 years after the fact. Quote:
Faith and repentance are not easy. Submission contradicts the natural disposition of the human heart. And the transforming and sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit is often uncomfortable and difficult.
Salvation would be so much more inviting and enticing to our human understanding if it didn’t require humility, repentance, and the transformation of your entire being. Why can’t it simply be the product of a one-time activity?
For those looking to bypass the difficulty and discomfort of salvation, 1 Peter 3:21 seemingly provides a shortcut in the form of this simple declaration: “Baptism now saves you.” This and a select few other verses are often used to promote “baptismal regeneration”–the view that teaches that one is saved (regenerated) though water baptism. …This interpretation is not true to the facts of Scripture. Throughout the book of Acts, forgiveness is linked to repentance, not baptism.
So called “Acts of God” are now Acts of Nothing says pop-athiest Christopher Hitchens according to our research robot monkey fact finding mission (we heard this from a friend of a friend.. We suggest that Insurance Companies produce ACTS OF NOTHING clauses to further assist people in understanding that Tornadoes, Hurricanes, etc are simply acts of nothingness.
We recommend Old Glory Insurance which even protects against unforeseen Robot attacks.
Truthslayer thoroughly insured
We’ve already apprised you on God’s Only Inerrant Party that while he was working with us on our de-sinned Arthur episode that Ray Comfort warned us that Bibliophiles are the latest threat in the atheist assault on Bible-Believers. “If you call any other Christian on this page a ‘bibliophile’ I will ban you. I thought it was just another atheist insult, a cross between pedophile and Bible.”—Ray Comfort. Its worse than that though as our Herescopes have discovered a more sinister definition of Bibliophiles that is not an atheist insult.
Recently our Research Robot Monkey spies using our Herescopes have observed a Bibliophile in the midst of the act that fits our newly discovered definition: “a book lover (most likely atheists ie. Disney) assaulting our children with strange books or their love of books. Librarians are also suspect in this.” [This is why we’ve forbidden our wives and children from going to the library or even looking at one (even our own Discernmentalist libraries)].
Mrs. Truthslayer and Mrs. Jobson wanted us to add that not only are these strange books but they are scary as well—after hearing us talk about some of these strange and heretical Emergent books we’ve been discernmentalizing. They have no other choice as they agree with us in our Doctrines. They contain such scary information that we can only flee in horror—fearing and quaking in terror from only briefly glancing at it. In fact our wives were heard screaming as they heard us talking about the spiritually terrorizing information contained within these apostate Emergent books—information such as:
- “I see the world through the images of Christianity, which teaches me that I encounter God in everyone I meet regardless of what they believe.”—Alan Jones
- “Since the church has been one of the main perpetrators of parental fear-mongering, it’s only fair we take up the cause of creating a culture of parenting that is less about what we don’t want for our children and more about what we do want.”—Doug Pagitt
We suspect this is part of the reason that Ray Comfort considers Bibliophile an atheist insult. We too consider it an insult after researchmentalizing this vulgar word even further which is why we had to add it to the Second Volume of our Discermentalist Dictionary. Setting the record straight we Online Discernmentalists thankfully are not—I repeat not Bibliophiles—let alone book-lovers but we do love our Bible! On a related note: we’re now offering a special sale on some of our favorite Discernmentalist books.
Books we especially love most of all:
Spreading the Good News of our Sovereign God who sacrificed Himself to Himself to appease Himself of His own anger that He Himself has against His own creation doing what He Himself preordained them to do so that His Sovereign wrath might be satisfied.
We know Christ’s death satisfied God’s wrath because His wrath came to an end, after which Jesus was fully restored in glory.We know Christ’s death satisfied God’s wrath because His wrath came to an end, after which Jesus was fully restored in glory. Now, sometimes when you talk about God being a God of wrath, certain people get disturbed. And they don’t understand how God can be a God of anger, and God can be a God of wrath, and God can be a God of fury, a God of terror. But that’s because they don’t understand God. Let’s see if we can’t help ourselves to a deeper understanding of His wrath in perspective with all of His other attributes. God’s attributes are balanced in His divine perfection. And they are perfectly balanced. If God did not have wrath, and God did not have anger, then He would not be God. God is perfect in love, on the one hand, and He is equally perfect in hate, on the other hand. Just as totally as He loves, so totally does He hate. As His love is unmixed, so is His hate unmixed. Of Christ, it says in Hebrews 1:9, “Thou hast loved righteousness, and hated iniquity.” And there is that perfect balance in the nature of God. As I mentioned, one of the tragedies of Christianity in our time is a failure to preach the hatred of God, the judgment of God. We’re so saccharine. We’re so sentimental. We’re so kind of mushy in our Christianity. When is the last time you heard a new song on the wrath of God? Heard one lately? I haven’t.—John MacArthur (PBUH)  
Yet our God still remains angry—so angry with an unsatisfied anger and commendable hatred against all those sinners who refuse to bow down to our Pure Doctrines such as Happy Heretics like Matthew Distefano. In fact our God is still so angry with an unsatisfied commendable hatred that He threatens to come back any day smite sinners and pour down His unsatisfied angry wrath on them and throw all apostates into a Lake of Fire to burn for all eternity unless we share in His unsatisfied sovereign wrath and commendable hatred of all those not like us. This is why we of the Secret Order of Discernmentalists United in Ministry can say that we commendably hate you in the most biblical way in imitation of the unsatisfied wrath of our angry sovereign God.