April 27, 2019
Introducing the long lost last film to star our dearly departed affectionate Uncle and Pastor-Teacher the ever-Apprising Ken Silva: SILVA BULLET. A Aperising Pictures Production of Apprising Films recently relocated—found safely hidden within our super secret archives deep within the bowels of our secret lair: the Truth Bunker. Now newly remastered with help from GOIP Productions and including a special Anime version of Ken’s life and commentary by our very own Dr. I. Todyaso.
Tagline: “You’ll laugh…you’ll cry…you’ll be thoroughly “Apprised!”
Summary— SILVA BULLET begins with our hero Uncle Pure Teacher (Ken Silva) having to discernmentalize between two emerging werewolf cases. Now there are two categories of emerging werewolf cases; ‘false’ or Emerging Disorder cases and Genuine emerging cases:
- Emerging Disorder is a mental condition in which the subject (called Emergent) believes that he or she is a emerging Christian. The subject does not actually change shape, but is nevertheless capable of being as dangerous as an actual werewolf. Most cases of supposed werewolfry are really the works of emerging victims.
- Emerging TO BEAST In real werewolves a physical change to wolf form does occur. The change can be voluntary (at will), or can be forced by certain cycles of post-modernistic beliefs and certain songs (ie not ones approved by Apprising Ministries).
- WEREWOLVES & EMERGING Werewolves are immune from Apprising Ministries and from most physical diseases due to the constant regeneration of their physical tissue. They can, therefore, be virtually immortal. However, they can be killed by a “Silva Bullet” carefully aimed at an Emerging Church member’s heart.
Non-emerging werewolves who have been mistaken for Emerging (ie Rob Bell) are said also to be immune to most physical diseases. It is suspected though that Rick Warren could be a vampire however, thanks to our discernmentalism we do not need hard evidence…we can peer into his mind if we concentrate hard enough to reveal his obvious vampirism or wolfery. The film ends with our hero Uncle Pure Teacher trying to “apprise” all the werewolves with his “Silva Bullet” until he succeeds in his mission of taking out the Super Emerging Werewolf: Brian McLaren—bringing an end to the Emerging/Emergent Church once and for all.
This film is 100% ODMafia and Truthslayer endorsed and meets our seal of approval.
April 27, 2014
For our trusty discernmentalist readers…..more discernmentalism to come! We don’t apologize for being gone so long (we never have to apologize because we are never wrong)….we have been fighting for truth and consumerism. Stay tuned….
April 19, 2011
Our Research Robot Monkeys recently infiltrated an Emergent Cohort compound and discovered horrible abominations such as couches and candles. In this candle-lit ashram there were a bunch of scantily-clad men and women participating in the usual routine Emergent rituals of nude centering prayer (with much icons, incense, chanting, and apophatic silence). There was a lot of stretching going on and not in a good way. Our Research Robot Monkeys were horrified at all they saw and we are too. All we can say is Beware… Beware the Emergent Hordes and their Seeker-Sensitive Purpose-Driven lives!
Video of a typical Emergent Village pow-wow:
July 28, 2010
Since our partnership with McCarthy Ministries we have been hell-bent on detection of social gospelers, communists, closet commies, universal health-care enthusiasts and people who share their private possessions. Unfortunately far too often communist sympathizers go undetected or worse commie proselytizers are left to wander the streets and eat our food and drink our water. We are shocked and dismayed to find Take A Stand Ministries secretly promoting and peddling socialism while pretending to be a true bible believing ministry. It just makes me ill. It did not take us long to detect RED in his “Take A Stand” logo. He has secretly embedded his socialist message not in his heading but below it to throw off readers (ie to make them feel less threatened by his red faced secret socialist message, slowly undermining the gospel).
We can’t be fooled.
Don’t be fooled either. Remember if its red, its wrong!
PS We have reason to believe that if Take A Stand is “red” they are likely Red Letter Christians and sympathetic to Emergings!
July 2, 2010
I the mighty Truthslayer (defender of truth and all things pure) have been forced to stoop to the level of an ape to talk with a monkey. ODMafia fans, please do not shed too many tears for MY persecution, attacks and difficult questions posited by this “BIBLE MONKEY.” We are told that true truth warriors would be persecuted, EVEN martyrred for spurious and underhanded tricks by satan’s minions.
It just so happens that Bible Monkey is an avowed emergent….and we know that all emergents act, smell, talk and think the same way. That is why I know that Bible Monkey is another way of saying that he supports evolution. That’s right folks…Bible Monkey has stooped to an all time low and is secretly trying to bring evolution into the church (ie sinister plot uncovered and exposed). In these last days we are told that evildoers would come into the church and introduce bible monkeys and social justice.
We need to TAKE A STAND and fight back. Contact every mighty truth warrior ministry (Brannon Howse, Apprising, Take A Stand, Slice of Laodicea, Herescope, Discerning The World and more) today and let them know the truth. Get the word out! We need to stop this menace before it gets any worse!
It is possible that Bible Monkey may also be a Democrat (you heard it here first).
PS I have no doubt that John Armstrong, Rob Bell and NT Wright likely support this heretical horde. Also note that we will have a DVD out next week to expose the evil plot against the church.