May 17, 2011
Prepare for May 21st and be Rapture Ready with the Online Discernmentalist Mafia’s handy new RaptureHatch for the roofs of True Churches and the homes of True Regenerate Converts. Doomsday is soon approaching… Don’t get Left Behind with the unregenerate non-Elect heathens… Let John MacArthur confirm you in our Pure Truth War Doctrines and prove that you are indeed Rapture Ready and we’ll install a RaptureHatch on your roof today!
This site (an Online Discernmentalist Mafia partner site) reveals the most complete written, audio, and video Bible teachings which conclusively prove May 21, 2011 to be Judgment Day and The Rapture, and October 21, 2011 to be the end of the world. It is most urgent to examine yourself, whether you are of the Regenerate Elect and therefore are saved.
July 29, 2010
McCarthy Ministries has done it again. They’ve caught Bible Monkey in the midst of “Pinkness” which is practically Red for all of our paranoid purposes. McCarthy Ministries has also drawn up a list of character traits to be suspect of:
July 27, 2010
It wasn’t long and McCarthy Ministries and ODMafia have already detected communists amongst our supposed discernmentalist ranks. It just makes me so angry, so frustrated that we would be betrayed by one of our own. But being the biblical ministry that we are, and trusting in the truthfulness of the bible more than others we had to come out and simply state the truth. Apprising Ministries uses FAR too much red in their logo-header and web page….this should set off alarm bells because Communist China and USSR both used red in their flags. Speaking of “bells” Rob Bell once questioned sola scripture. Simply having a question about this theological construct is enough for us discernmentalists to state emphatically that Rob Bell does not believe in the bible. Fans and interested readers – Are you drawing the same insightful parallels as we are? If you are not, you probably are very BAD discernmentalist, or a complete failure or a false teacher like Rob Bell -besides you are totally unbiblical and had a doubt in your mind at some point.
Finally, anyone who has too much red is probably a communist. It is best to assume guilt until proven innocent. By that time rumours will abound so extensively across the internet it won’t matter – you will be labled and branded whatever association we decide.
Please note that we found that former non-discernmentalist Slice of Laodicea is also linked to communism even before our mighty partnership with McCarthy Ministries.
March 25, 2010
Recently the Department of Motorized Discernmentalism created a new Highway Discernmentalist Patrol Unit aka the Mobile Discernmentalism Unit or MobDU for short.
MobDU‘s primary tasks are:
- Discernmentalizing Eco-friendly vehicles
- Tagging and registering non-gas guzzling vehicles
- Making sure all vehicles on the road pollute the environment in order to speed up Jesus’ hasty yet sure return, the End Times and the Rapture
- Checking to see if all cars have at least one unregenerate reprobated non-Elect heathen on board just in case the Rapture happens soon as those Left Behind will need to man the car
- Scouting out Emergent Vehicles
- Alerting Discernmentalists whenever Brian McLaren’s Monster Truck and Dan Kimball’s Spider Vehicle of Doom are nearby
Among other Discernmentalizing tasks—also meet our new Armored MobDU Patrol Unit for extra protection against Doctrinal Impurities, the Emerging Apostasy, Emergentness and other such Heresies: