May 17, 2011
Prepare for May 21st and be Rapture Ready with the Online Discernmentalist Mafia’s handy new RaptureHatch for the roofs of True Churches and the homes of True Regenerate Converts. Doomsday is soon approaching… Don’t get Left Behind with the unregenerate non-Elect heathens… Let John MacArthur confirm you in our Pure Truth War Doctrines and prove that you are indeed Rapture Ready and we’ll install a RaptureHatch on your roof today!
This site (an Online Discernmentalist Mafia partner site) reveals the most complete written, audio, and video Bible teachings which conclusively prove May 21, 2011 to be Judgment Day and The Rapture, and October 21, 2011 to be the end of the world. It is most urgent to examine yourself, whether you are of the Regenerate Elect and therefore are saved.
April 20, 2011
– Gene Simmons of the Rock Band Kiss holds a copy of Rob Bell’s “Love Wins”
We have the scoop here before any other Discernmentalist blog on the Internet including the great and all powerful Ken Silva. Gene Simmons quote: “If you go back and check all the reviews for all the icons of today — Elvis, the Beatles and so on — they were dismissed as flashes in the pans, this is why I support Rob Bell.” Of course that unregenerate reprobate would support Rob Bell as he also is blind to the Hard Truths of the Bible. Gene is on record as calling himself Dr. Love which is proof he believes Love Wins—-also he thinks he is the god of thunder… Blasphemous!
Question: if God is going to spare everyone, regardless of what they believe or don’t believe, then what does it matter what good we do or don’t do here on Earth? Then we’re going to have a blast in the future-present-pluperfect heaven with Mother Teresa, Hitler, and Gene Simmons. If God’s just going to give everyone a free pass, then there is no substantive reason for us to do anything good here on Earth except to avoid the harmful consequences of sin (an issue that Bell never takes to its Biblical conclusion).
Kiss’ unrepentant heretical Emergent theology:
We must put a stop to this but…
Unfortunately, if you disagree with Bell, you’re “toxic and misguided.”
Criticizing him makes you a “Pharisee,” according to Eugene Peterson.
A commenter on the above-linked page asks the critics, “Why are you so anxious to make sure there are people in hell? The fact that you NEED Bell to be wrong and have people in hell communicates much more about yourself than either Bell or God.”
No Bible-believing Christian wants people in hell, because that isn’t what God wants.
“Do you think, asks the Sovereign Lord, that I like to see wicked people die? Of course not! I only want them to turn from their wicked ways and live.” -Ezekiel 18:23
The reason that we need to be clear about the eternal consequences of denying Christ, which are real and revealed by the Scriptures, is because that’s what is at stake.
Jesus did not die a criminal’s death and rise from the grave so that we could all feel good about ourselves, have a nice life, drive fast cars, and be rich.
Jesus did not become a man so that his sacrifice could save the world from his bipolar father.
Jesus did what he did to save our souls (from the “Real Place” that is Hell).
That is the real story. That is the real truth.
More heretic Emergent theology from Kiss:
April 19, 2011
Our Research Robot Monkeys recently infiltrated an Emergent Cohort compound and discovered horrible abominations such as couches and candles. In this candle-lit ashram there were a bunch of scantily-clad men and women participating in the usual routine Emergent rituals of nude centering prayer (with much icons, incense, chanting, and apophatic silence). There was a lot of stretching going on and not in a good way. Our Research Robot Monkeys were horrified at all they saw and we are too. All we can say is Beware… Beware the Emergent Hordes and their Seeker-Sensitive Purpose-Driven lives!
Video of a typical Emergent Village pow-wow:
March 31, 2010
In a dangerous twist of events, emergents are not only taking over the world but now infiltrating the world of food. This “NEW KIND OF CRUNCH” is an attempt to revisit cereals before the processed whole wheat period that has permeated so much of our known cereals today. Some say its a cereal that delivers for post-moderns (all the more reason NOT to eat it!)
We demand that this cereal be stopped!!! We can only guess that some time soon he will introduce whole grain oats, barley, and maize to this liberal mix. Its processed whole-wheat or nothing!!! We demand processed cereals, thru the traditional well orchestrated mechanized & systematized big-farm approach of stripping all wheat fibre of any nutrition and repackaging it into a one size fits all, no-fuss cardboard breakfast experience. Simply put, submit to our rules of cereal expectations.
We demand nothing less. Reject the new kind of crunch!
March 15, 2010
Our readers know that we have the best research robot monkeys that money can buy (or program, but not in a cult-like programming way!) This is what they have found regarding spiritual leadership…
We are to esteem our leaders… for their work (see first Thessalonians)
But again, discernmentalists are exempt. Our job is to accuse the brethren. Our job is to discernmentalize every move that Rick Warren, Rob Bell, Bill Hybels, Charles Colson, Charles Swindoll, NT Wright, Brian McLaren and Rob Bell makes….then itemize, italicize, and criticize every word, thought or deed…especially their thoughts, like the ones that they do not write down, or speak about. When we’re not sure what the accused meant, we fill in the blanks to make them say what we think they will say. We say what they really mean. We are presumpteous (due to our rightousness) enough to discern this.
Remember, when we mean esteem, we mean attack.
We are Big Brother of the discernmentalist world!
February 2, 2010
We wanted to share this article from a major newspaper publication called The Discernment written by I. Todyaso. We wanted to state that next to the Internet, the newspaper is the more accurate place to get news. This means it must be all true!