Breaking: Unbiblical Cereal Persecuting Discernmentalists!

October 26, 2019

BelongTogetherCereal

We all belong together. So for the first time in history, our famous mascots and cereals are offered exclusively together in the same box for All Together Cereal. It’s a symbol of acceptance no matter how you look, where you’re from or who you love.

Oh the horror is there any object that doesn’t offend us or persecute us! This is worse than when fictional cartoon rats got ghey-married causing hetero-marriages to fail by osmosis! Noted Discernmentlist Ken Ham declared: “We are not “All together,” as the lifestyle/worldview of these fictional cereal mascots is anti-God, anti-biblical & anti-science and consists of only a small minority in the culture.” As my co-Truthwarrior Dr. Truthslayer has pointed out: “We demand that this cereal be stopped!!! We can only guess that some time soon they will introduce whole grain oats, barley, and maize to this liberal mix. Its processed whole-wheat or nothing!!!”

In fact we know this as one Kellogian stated: “Just think now KIDS might get the idea to buy 6 separate boxes of cereal, and mix them up on their own! Kellog’s is now working for the Devil! No more Kelloggs! They are evil, because any of their cereals might get mixed!!! Leading kids to proclaim: Hail Satan!” If this doesn’t make clear how unbiblical and apostate this cereal really is—consider this—our Research Robot Monkeys overheard this apostate cereal saying:

“Black, white, green, red
Can I take my friend to bed?
Pink, brown, yellow, orange, and blue
I love you”

We only wish that more inanimate objects; fictional characters; even animals would hold true to our morals; Doctrines and worldview. We have one word of caution—if you see this cereal in stores…flee!

To counteract this assault on our Truth—we recommend a daily dose of Calvin Crunch; Reformation Crunch; Truth Loops; Catacomb; and Christo-Fascist Flakes for a more Biblically-sound all around healthy breakfast and extra-protection from wetness!


Article by I. Todyaso Appears in Newspaper!

February 2, 2010

 

We wanted to share this article from a major newspaper publication called The Discernment written by I. Todyaso. We wanted to state that next to the Internet, the newspaper is the more accurate place to get news. This means it must be all true!

 


Reformation Crunch Cereal

December 15, 2009

ref

Far too often Reformer’s children have had to the same breakfast slop as new agers, pagans, and mainline Christians. Now ODMafia research and design has tested and produced an all new exclusive 100% discernmentalist cereal….first it was Calvin Crunch now we have Reformation Crunch! It features the Five Sola’s in every bite protecting you from  Emergents, Roman Catholics and people who meditate on the bible (which Luther would never do!)

Each bit of cereal in every box in numbered, organized and categorized for structured and careful eating habits.

Order your exclusive cereal today and get a Peasants Revolt Mini-Comix prize in each box!

Quakerless Cereal is every discernmentalists cereal….you owe it to yourself to embrace the pure doctrines of Reformation Crunch.

Dr. Truthslayer approved!


Truth Loops: The breakfast cereal for truthwarriors!

December 8, 2009

truthloops

As a discernmentalist…. are you tired of your children not receiving the proper amount of discernmentalist truth?

Now they can munch on truth warrior cereal TRUTH LOOPS! This is a unique cereal fortified with recycled bibles (KJV – only). Moreover it is saturated with minerals extracted from Olive Tree Ministries soil and vitamins encoded with Take a Stand Ministries DNA. Imbibing this cereal will enable you and your children to spend their invaluable time arguing in circles! Circular argumentation is the essence of this truth warrior cereal!

This truth warrior cereal with have your children invigourated by this outrageously tasty (but safe) breakfast cereal. They will be up and judging others in no time. This is all about certainty. Order now while supplies last.

Dr. Truthslayer endorsed!


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