December 4, 2019
ANTIFA-ISIS BEAR: “You should have eaten my cheese kafirs… you don’t disrespect a panda blessed with mission from Allah or his delicious goat cheese products or I’m gonna get you!”
Discernmentalists have detected a new terrorist threat by ANTIFA-linked bears connected to ISIS where a class of schoolkids have been flattened by a speeding car and a demon monkey (downloads into your soul)…and a panda (threatens Bible-believers)…don’t ask. One of these ANTIFA-linked Pandas terrorize bible-believers with unholy cheese abominations as caught by our Research Robot Monkeys. It was even reported by Discernmentalist News Networks that a bible-believing Discernmentalist home owner had an unpleasant run in with one of these monsters:
OH CRAP I’M OUT OF PANDA CHEESE “Just you know why…” LOCAL MAN FOUND DEAD INSIDE HOME. Two other people died by being stuffed with strange worldly unbiblical cheeses.
September 7, 2019
So called “Acts of God” are now Acts of Nothing says pop-athiest Christopher Hitchens according to our research robot monkey fact finding mission (we heard this from a friend of a friend.. We suggest that Insurance Companies produce ACTS OF NOTHING clauses to further assist people in understanding that Tornadoes, Hurricanes, etc are simply acts of nothingness.
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April 18, 2019
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