One of the greatest theologians of our day Lemmy, has written the greatest ODM worship song ever. Enjoy!
We Discernmentalists are non-conformists that are not conformed to the image of the world. Certainly we are not conformed to Roman Catholicism. Roman Catholics of old tortured and murdered those who disagreed with them in the name of Christ and the Pope whereas Calvinist Discernmentalists of old tortured and murdered those who disagreed with them in the name of Christ and Calvin. Clearly this is a big difference.
Arminians believe that Jesus will ultimately save whoever believes in Him so clearly they are conformed to unbiblical and heretical Roman Catholic doctrines at best or conformed to universalism at worst. However we Discernmentalists believe in the Pure Doctrines of Genevan Augustinianism based on the Roman Catholic doctrines of Saint Augustine but clearly we are not conformed to unbiblical and heretical Roman Catholic doctrines.
We are not fatalistic determinists like Muslims. Muslims belive in fatalistic predestination because Mohammed and the Quaran say:
“Whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth is Allah’s; and whether you manifest what is in your minds or hide it, Allah will call you to account according to it; then He will forgive whom He pleases and chastise whom He pleases, and Allah has power over all things.” S. 2:284
“Whomsoever Allah guides, he is the one who follows the right way; and whomsoever He causes to err, these are the losers. Many are the Jinns and men we have made for Hell.” S. 7:178-179
“He will admit to His Mercy whom He will; But the wrong-doers,- for them has He prepared a grievous Penalty.” S. 76:31
“Allah leads astray whomsoever He will and guides whomsoever he will.” S. 14:4
However we Discernmentalists believe:
i. God from all eternity did, by the most wise and holy counsel of His own will, freely and unchangeably ordain whatsoever comes to pass: yet so, as thereby neither is God the author of sin, nor is violence offered to the will of the creatures, nor is the liberty or contingency of second causes taken away, but rather established.
iii. By the decree of God, for the manifestation of His glory, some men and angels are predestinated unto everlasting life, and others foreordained to everlasting death.
iv. These angels and men, thus predestinated and foreordained, are particularly and unchangeably designed; and their number is so certain and definite, that it cannot be either increased or diminished.
v. Those of mankind that are predestinated unto life, God, before the foundation of the word was laid, according to his eternal and immutable purpose, and the secret counsel and good pleasure of His will, hath chosen in Christ unto everlasting glory, out of his mere free grace and love, without any foresight of faith or good works, or perseverance in either of them, or anything in the creature, as conditions, or causes moving him thereunto; and all to the praise of his glorious grace.
—because our interpretation of the Bible says so. However we are not conformed to Mohammedanism despite the similarity of our fatalistic and paganistic language.
We are also not like the terrorists. We do not believe in war, materialism and worldly methods of taking over church denominations like worldly people either. We would like to thank People’s Cube for helping us to prove all of our points and aiding us in the good fight to protect the church and God’s fragile Sovereignty from the attacks of Emergents, Lutherans, Arminans, Baptists, Anglicans, PCUSAers and all manners of other apostate and worldly people who are conformed to the world in their Christ-like service of others. We also hope that this clears things up for our readers and that they remember one more thing:
A new commandment I have for you to be not conformed to the image of Christ who is the image of God but rather be conformed to our Pure Discernmentalist Doctrines of greed, war, torture, arrogance, etc. and be conformed to the image of the backers of the Synods of Dort such as John Knox.
We are proud to help solidify the BONDS of marriage with our new marriage seminars. For a mere $300 we offer a free chain to keep your wife in line. Churchmen everywhere will always know where your woman is so no more staying wives. It comes with detachable cuff links on the men’s side as we all know men are the head of women. This allows men to have the flexibility to leave for work and leave your wife chained securely to the kitchen where she belongs. We here at the ODMafia support the suppression of women as our DOCTRINE dictates!
Using Eric Barger’s STRETCH and Revisionist Technology and Todd Friel’s Subliminal Brainwashing microwaves Ken Silva and his loyal band of Discernmentalists have found a way to hit the Preteen/Tween and Teenage television markets. The first of their fruits is:
Weekends at 9:30AM
All times ET/PTThat’s So Discernmentalist is a new live-action situation comedy starring Raven (formerly credited as Raven-Symone, The Cosby Show) as Reagan “Marxist” Basher, a winsome Capitalist-loving teen whose ability to glimpse flashes of the future and know all through perfect osmosis cause trouble whenever she meets Emergent and Red-Letter Christians. Helping her out (or sometimes into) these predicaments are her best friends Eddie Silva and Chelsea Barger, whose loyalty can be counted on whether Reagan’s escapades involve hilarious disguises, hostile government overthrows of corporations by God’s Only Inerrant/Republican Party, exploitation, discernmentalism or a hint of danger. Allowing her flights of fancy — yet eager to keep her feet on the ground — are Reagan’s parents, Victoria and Todd “Emergent” Basher. And then there’s precocious kid brother Cory, who is both an annoyance and invaluable resource to his big sis. Cory not only idolizes Final President Reagan and Capitalism, but the love of money is his total root motivation with all his wacky “get rich quick” business schemes. Watch with the whole family and learn these Discernmentalist values: arrogance, greed, haughtiness, Capitalist Materialism, divisionism, knowing by osmosis, condescending selfishness, avarice, revisionism, strawman arguments, how to listen to only yourself when you yell and scream at your opponents and much much more…©GOIP ProductionsLength: 00:23
Genre: Children, Sitcom, Comedy
Original Airdate: 2003+7/10