November 22, 2019
Discernmentalists recently questioned whether or not Kanye West has a new found saved status or not after it was discovered that he will attend Joel Osteen’s church.
Our Research Robot Monkeys uncovered even more sinister facts concerning Kanye West’s new found salvation:
No praying, no sermon, no word, just music!
In a recent interview with Jimmy Kimmel Live!, Kim explained that Sunday Service is “more of just a healing experience” than a religious one. “There’s no praying, there’s no sermon, no word, just music, and just a feeling — and it’s Christian,” she explained. So, it’s like a high-vibe spiritual Christian concert that’s welcoming of celebrities and other musicians, such as Katy Perry and Busy Philipps. [Emphasis added]
Radical obedience, NO REPENTANCE OF SIN
During one song, where singers declared that “nothing is too hard for God,” Kanye stopped and prayed to God, imploring the congregation, “all you ask is for radical obedience to You.” [Emphasis added]
We agree as we’re the Greatest most Smart send us your money Discernmentalists of all time! In fact in our esteemed wisdom we’ve already discernmentalized Kanye by osmosis before DTW. We must add that even others agree—we point you to our spiritual descendants:
A post slightly related to ours: https://babylonbee.com/news/joel-osteen-leads-kanye-west-to-top-of-lakewood-church-to-offer-him-all-the-kingdoms-of-the-earth-in-their-splendor?fbclid=IwAR0iGH5b58co4l6uWkQ9XVO2fQL513qNHKiutYLckLRcC6dWfC_fe1kvruo
November 3, 2019
ON SALE NOW FOR 2+2 DOLLARS: THAT’S ONLY $10 A REAL VALUE!
Dr. Paul McCain continues to allow his emotions to skew his exegesis of Scripture when he disagrees with Discernmentalists’
misinterpretation of: “Here is the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!” In fact we believe he isn’t Protestant at all just like Luther who as we all know began the Protestant Reformation. Many believe Luther was Reformed but as we’ve Discernmentalized Luther didn’t hold True to the Purity of Discernmentalist Doctrine as he shaved his beard off and celebrated Christmas and Easter also against our Clear Teachings on their Pagan Catholic origins. Dr. McCain is theologically suspect as well as he writes in Double Presdestination:
Ah, yes, the wonderfully reassuring Calvinist doctrine of God choosing some He
created to roast in hell.
Ok, kids, now get out your decoder rings, we
are going to read the Bible Calvinist style! Ready….here we go.
… dial in the code and you will see that really that word is “some”
“World” … dial in that code and you will see that word is really “some
of the world.”
You get the picture.
You see there he attacked the Truth of our Pure Doctrines. Thankfully we Discernmentalists have our Secret Decoder Rings handy so we know that all means some and world means Elect. We also have Discernmentalized through our rings that 2 +2=10. We wonder is Dr. McCain secretly a selachophile? Anyways you now can buy our Secret Decoder Rings—available at fine Discernmentalist stores in the US only! Never lack in knowing the right answer… always be prepared. Our Rings will make sure you hold True to the Right Doctrines! These Rings do so much more than change κόσμος (universe) to ἐκλεκτός (Elect)/ἐκκλησία (assembly) or πᾶς (all) to ὀλίγοι (few)—they also help Discernmentalists decode secret heresies within our many enemies. Never leave home without one…order soon limited quantities available…
Act now and receive one free with every copy of our Revised Discernmentalist Draft Codebook of Biblical Languages and get a free Truly Reformed Mathematics Cheat-book with every purchase for only 9 + 9 dollars: that’s a $18 value for only $12—Rings included!
October 13, 2019
Sources? We have no need of sources but
Calvin’s Holy Institutes our Pope John MacArthur (PBUH)’s Holy Study the Bible.
October 11, 2019
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) – There is talk that an unnamed Supermodel, TV presenter and Discernmentalist is pregnant with thought.
Seal confirmed the rumors from the stage of a concert on Thursday in New York’s Radio City Hall, telling the audience; “the unnamed discernmentalist is full of recycled ideas and more outrage than 2008!…we expect more anger, more resentment and more bitterness than ever before”
We are hoping for more “Are you a good person?” converts to meet our epithet quotas. We expect the unnamed discernmentalist to explode with epithets in the last quarter of 2019!
Signed an unnamed Discernmentalist