March 31, 2010
In a dangerous twist of events, emergents are not only taking over the world but now infiltrating the world of food. This “NEW KIND OF CRUNCH” is an attempt to revisit cereals before the processed whole wheat period that has permeated so much of our known cereals today. Some say its a cereal that delivers for post-moderns (all the more reason NOT to eat it!)
We demand that this cereal be stopped!!! We can only guess that some time soon he will introduce whole grain oats, barley, and maize to this liberal mix. Its processed whole-wheat or nothing!!! We demand processed cereals, thru the traditional well orchestrated mechanized & systematized big-farm approach of stripping all wheat fibre of any nutrition and repackaging it into a one size fits all, no-fuss cardboard breakfast experience. Simply put, submit to our rules of cereal expectations.
We demand nothing less. Reject the new kind of crunch!
March 17, 2010
Discernmentalists are all about games. Mind games, word games board games and the like. But this time we have outdone ourselves. We believe there are TOO MANY pharisees out there (like you). You do not submit to our mighty teachings – but you should. We give thanks that we are NOT like them…we are glad we are not like you!
That is why we created this game, to remind ourselves about everyone else. We don’t associate with a lot of people (like you) simply because you are not holy enough to be around us. In fact most Online Discernmentalist doctrines are simply not pure enough to even meet our standards and our rules . This is what the game is all about – rules, morals & standards. For instance when we tithe…its at 10.5%, when we fast we don’t shave or comb our hair and make our hardship postings on facebook.
We are suspicious of everyone and assume the worst...BECAUSE we know you are sinners…and can’t possibly meet our standards (but you should). We think you should carry heavy loads (especially guilt), but we ourselves don’t have to have the same guidelines because we are above it all (that goes without saying). Indeed we like to point out the faults of others, but use different standards for ourselves….because we can….and we don’t not accept criticism well (you usually don’t when you are as perfect as us!)
I highly recommend this game!
Get that game finger out and start pointing!!!!!
PS Pastor iTodyaso and Don Jobson also encourage everyone to play this game at least once.
February 19, 2010
Typical baptist unregenerate baptism against Calvin's doctrines!
Let me break this word down for the ignorant unrepentant masses that read this blog only to mock our inferiority. We here have just made up a new word, because that is just how smart we are here at the ODMafia. So, you slack jaw locals who think that Phil Johnson’s Hugh Ass was parody, this is what paedobaptiphobia means.
paedo: Pertaining to children.
bapti: Pertaining to Baptists who immerse children in water.
phobia: Pertaining to fear of things in general but when connected to a word means you fear that word.
Therefore, you now know what the word “paedobaptiphobia” means. It means fear of baptist who baptise children.
Now, we know that is pure unadulterated heresy per John MacArthur (per our own award winning theologian Don Jobson) and that John Calvin would have never taught such a horrible doctrine! For John Calvin’s doctrine was almost as pure as our own! So, we support paedobaptiphobia in all forms and detest the unsaved Baptists who do not bow to our doctrines! BTW, we here at the ODMafia do not need a list of reasons we call infant baptism heresy like Piper or MacArthur. Why? It is heresy because we say it is and that is good enough for us and should be good enough for you!
December 3, 2009
Discernmentalists, we are under direct attack on a daily basis. We need to rally to arms and put on the aggressive defense. Just last month Brian McLaren directly assaulted Uncle Ken Silva and Aunt Ingrid Schlueter of Slice Of Laodicea. Ingrid was caught yelling in a headlock:
What an appallingly dishonest way to deal with your critics, McLaren.
which inspired her to write this scathing critique of her ordeal:
by Ingrid Schlueter
Emergent author Brian McLaren doesn’t believe in a literal Second Coming of Jesus. He has problems with the penal substitutionary atonement of Jesus on the cross. A literal hell with eternal torment for those who reject Christ? Not likely. The Genesis account of the fall of man? Not true. But instead of addressing his own spiritual rebellion, Brian appears to want to paint his critics as bigots. In a recent blog post, McLaren demands that what he calls “discernment websites” (he used the quote marks) address an African country’s attempts to codify severe penalties for homosexuality into law. He seems to imply that these same “discernment ministries” would automatically support the arrest and execution of gays by Uganda.
For the record, Brian, that’s a pretty nasty strategy to use against those who point to your heretical doctrinal views. While emergents supposedly are intellectual, open-minded people who enjoy conversations with subtle nuances and lots of mystery, McLaren actually sees things in black and white. Anyone who is not willing to jettison cardinal doctrine and embrace his “new kind of Christianity” is painted as ready to commit hate crimes and would support mistreating gays. What an appallingly dishonest way to deal with your critics, McLaren.
Ken was found wounded in the fray but not hurt. We asked him for comment and all he could murmur was:
It’s interesting this “minister” would place quotations around “discernment websites.” Well, as one of said sites, I can tell McLaren that I personally do not at all “enjoy featuring and critiquing the work” of any of these postliberal rebels against the final authority of God’s Word. The Lord knows that I’d much rather go back to apologetics and evangelizing those lost in the kingdom of the cults.
Indeed this is why we must go back on the aggressive defense and never compromise on preaching the whole ‘discernmentalist’ truth to all liberal, apostate, heretics!