July 1, 2010
When people dare to go into socialistic-emerging-left-wing-emerging coffee swills like Starbucks – they are likely to clothe themselves in t-shirts and the like. We at ODMafia would never been seen at a Starbucks for two reasons. For one, we have already described what Starbucks is really like. Two, Starbucks has a picture of a coffee worshiping goddess…. and we abstain from all unrighteousness (including wearing godless t-shirts). That is why we go to coffee shops like Peet’s Coffee, Tim Horton’s and other non-Starbuck like coffee shops. Furthermore, to ensure that we CAN fight for truth we MUST wear bible approved bible based suits. We know the only way to fight this war of words, theology, doctrine and the like is to have the right cut & style- and that has to come by wearing credible, respectable attire (like Jesus wore).
June 16, 2010
In an unexpected turn of events the Emerging Church is secretly merging back into Evnagelicalism using stealth morph technology originally used by Eric Bargers Take A Stand Ministries to spy on Emergents. In a recent interview, our research robot monkeys disguised as penguins interviewed a man that looked like Dan Kimball. He was reported to state the following “My secret subversive plan has been unfolding during the last ten years. Soon I will rise from the fringes (no direct reference to Dan’s fringe leather jacket), and declare myself pope mega-pastor of the evangelical world and usurp John MacArthur’s position as ultimate truth enforcer.” Our research robot monkeys were in utter shock and before Dan could execute this final, evil, emerging-horde plan began to pummel him with all the research robot monkey fisticuffs they could muster. Dan raised a false-Jesus-bobble head to ward off attack. Just like those emergents to do such a thing!!!
Word has it that Dan (obviously having dark supernatural powers) still plans to dismantle 10,000 emerging churches and reassemble them without notice in evangelical churches (ie like the movie Transformer). We also believe that Dan may be an illegal immigrant….who slipped in from Canada.
We are scared.
Truthslayer (note that during the attack our robots de-cloaked to reveal their true monkey nature – not to be mixed up with evolution)
PS Special thanks to Andrew Moir who designed this especially effective ninja robot. Without this robot no one would have been able to pummel Dan Kimball biblically
June 7, 2010
Our Research Robot Monkeys have discovered that a consortium of Online Discernment Ministries have devised a new listening device to eaves drop in on the emerging church: PROJECT DUMBO. There are reports that an authentic Dan Kimball sermon has been intercepted, and the following statements have been deduced “Then this is a day of independence for all the Munchkins and their descendants!” “come here my little pretty” and “Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.” We cannot substantiate these quotes nor do we need to verify them due to the ODM code of misconduct. Fact checking is not our style (plus its unbiblical)….but can only note that the quotes must be true if an ODM quoted them.
NSA has also expressed interest in this device.