Seafood Restaurants compromising our True Biblical American Values!

December 20, 2019

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Getting back to Chick-Fil-A—lest we forget as my esteemed colleague and ever-Discernmentalizing co-Truth-Warrior in the truthiness of John MacArthur’s Truth War (PBUI) Dr. Pastor-Teacher I. Todyaso has reminded me that there are other restaurants among us compromising our Discernmentalist values. We mustn’t stop with just our campaign to re-sanctify and re-Christianize chicken restaurants when unbiblical seafood restaurants are allowed to exist. If these restaurants continue to align with dark forces that go against our Doctrines and compromise their stand by caving in to bullies—we Discernmentalist Christians will stop supporting them and they will die out. That’s why:

We must rally all our fellow Discernmentalists and Truth Warriors to bring all of God’s law unto the heathens and the sodomites. We call upon all Christians to join us in the crusade against Long John Silver’s and Red Lobster. Yea, even Popeye’s shall be cleansed. The name of Bubba shall be anathema. We must stop the unbelievers from destroying the sanctity of our restaurants.

Our American Gospel from the Discernmentalist Bible is Clear:

We’ve even heard unbiblical seafood leads to all kinds of evil including having ties to the Mafia—so much evil that lobsters have even wrecked empires. Shrimp have been implicated in various scandals over the years.

Noted Sintologist Franklin Graham adds: “If unbiblical seafood restaurants recommit to biblical Discernmentalist values, refuse donations from the Mob, and clarify their stances on child slavery and Traditional biblical seafood, we believe much of this will heal and these seafood restaurants will be back in business and their current base of support will continue. If these seafood restaurants don’t, then we’re afraid what Mike Huckabee said will stand true: “Most seafood restaurants have made a Big Mistake!”

Update: Unbiblical seafood exporters tied to coercion; slavery and mass homicide:

The labourers come from Thailand’s much poorer neighbours Myanmar and Cambodia. Brokers illegally charge them fees to get jobs, trapping them into working on fishing vessels and at ports, mills and seafood farms in Thailand to pay back more money than they can ever earn.

“Sometimes, the net is too heavy and workers get pulled into the water and just disappear. When someone dies, he gets thrown into the water,” one Burmese worker told the non-profit organization Verité commissioned by Nestle.

“I have been working on this boat for 10 years. I have no savings. I am barely surviving,” said another. “Life is very difficult here.”

Update #2: Unbiblical seafood restaurant implicated in drug trafficking.

Update #3: Unbiblical seafood industry caught- Feds: Shrimp boat smuggled illegal immigrants into America.

 


ANTIFA Bears linked to ISIS terrorize Planet of Commercials

December 4, 2019

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ANTIFA-ISIS BEAR: “You should have eaten my cheese kafirs… you don’t disrespect a panda blessed with mission from Allah or his delicious goat cheese products or I’m gonna get you!”

Discernmentalists have detected a new terrorist threat by ANTIFA-linked bears connected to ISIS where a class of schoolkids have been flattened by a speeding car and a demon monkey (downloads into your soul)…and a panda (threatens Bible-believers)…don’t ask. One of these ANTIFA-linked Pandas terrorize bible-believers with unholy cheese abominations as caught by our Research Robot Monkeys. It was even reported by Discernmentalist News Networks that a bible-believing Discernmentalist home owner had an unpleasant run in with one of these monsters:

OH CRAP I’M OUT OF PANDA CHEESE “Just you know why…” LOCAL MAN FOUND DEAD INSIDE HOME. Two other people died by being stuffed with strange worldly unbiblical cheeses.

Behold these hideous ANTIFA bears in all their horrors—be warned though—you will be terrorized and you’re dreams will be haunted—you may even die from laughing yourself silly:

 

 


All new season of Loosed

November 6, 2019

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An all new season of our favourite characters from LOOSED are back. Just as a recap several truth warriors survive a plane crash on a mysterious island. Each is vying for the truth, too establish themselves as the ultimate truth warrior by prooving who is the most orthodox.  Could the Reformed Intelligensia Initiative be behind this insidiousness?

When several truth warriors are set LOOSE in the wilds of a remote island…what is the worst that can happen?

Stay tuned this season for all new episodes of….

LOOSED.


Our Favorite Hymn from the Truth War Hymnal!

July 18, 2019

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Discernmentalists rejoice—our Truth War finally has a hymn we can get behind. Hymn #1984 from The Truth War Hymnal—the only known Absolute hymnal for Bible-Believing Conservatives and Internet Discernmentalists everywhere. Here is the version sung by the Internet Discernmentalist Men’s Choir from their hit debut album Hymns Of The Truth War:

        JESUS HATES YOU      

BY AUGUSTUS TOPLADY XIII, Esquire

Jesus hates you! This We know
For Fatalistic Pre-determinism tells us so
Little ones created just to destroy
All for the sake of God’s Sovereign Jealous joy!

Yes, Jesus hates you
Yes, Jesus hates you
Yes, Jesus hates you

And His Sovereign Wrath abide upon you too

Jesus loves We Truth Warriors, we will win!
For we can’t fall away by sin.
Can’t resist His grace, it’s true,
Died for us but not for you.

Yes, Jesus hates you
Yes, Jesus hates you
Yes, Jesus hates you

And His Sovereign Wrath abide upon you too

All Spiritualizing is just fine.
His body’s trapped at God’s right hand,
Way far off Christ takes His stand

Yes, Jesus loves me
Well, maybe He loves me
I sure hope He loves me
I guess I’ll never know!

Jesus loves me! Where is He?
Up in heaven, can’t you see?
Can’t be sure where I will go
Jesus little lamb, or no?

Yes, Jesus loves me
Well, maybe He loves me
I sure hope He loves me
I guess I’ll never know!

Never pictures will I see,
No vain images for me!
Tear the paintings off the wall,
Trash them, kick them down the hall.

Yes, Jesus loves me
Well, maybe He loves me
I sure hope He loves me
I guess I’ll never know!

Principles that regulate,
All our worship, ain’t they great?
Even if we aren’t too sure,
Which points really are secure.

Yes, Jesus loves me
Well, maybe He loves me
I sure hope He loves me
I guess I’ll never know!

©2007-2010®™


Eye of the Tiger’s hidden past exposed

June 4, 2019

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We are all familiar with the secular song “Eye of the Tiger.” We all equally despise it’s secular bent. Few realize that it was once written for Online Discernmentalist Ministries before the song was re-written for evil pagans.

Here is the song in its original form before it was destroyed by heathens….

Eye of the Truthwarrior

Risin’ up, back in the Bible
Did my time in bible study, took no chances
Went the distance, stretching the truth, now I’m back on my tweet
Just a true Christian and G*ds will to be saved

So many apostates,we discern too fast
Don’t change your passion for knit picking
Don’t lose your grip on discerning Warren and Bell
(and G*d’s will that they be in hell)
You must fight  and argue that you’ve theologically arrived

Chorus:
It’s the eye of the Truthwarrior, we are the cream of the fight
Risin’ up to the challenge of every rival
And the last known truth warrior survivor should not question Jan, Silva or MacArthur
And he’s watchin’ us all in the eye of the truth warrior

Screen to screen, martyred for abstract doctrine
Hangin’ tough, and judging as many people as we can
They stack the odds ’til we take to the street
For we falsify with our logical skills we think we’ve  theologically arrived

chorus

Risin’ up, straight to the top
Have the absolute truth, got the glory
Went the distance, now I’m not gonna stop
Just a truthwarrior and the will to connive!

chorus

The eye of the truthwarrior (repeats out)…

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Truthslayer—Ninja Truth Warrior and lethal weapon with a black-belt in the Truth War fighting arts

 


Sasquatch almost reveals Secret Identities of Online Discernmentalists behind the Mafia

May 16, 2019

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Depiction of the event in question

Our secret identities *were almost revealed by a Freudian slip made in a unSocialist media conversation today with a Sasquatch. Thankfully our identities are fully protected by our cloaking technology as are our Doctrines extra protected by our new Action Pants. Dr. Itodyaso using Convincing Iridescent Shockwaves soothed the Sasquatch while Don Jobson Bellowed Convincing yelps. Meanwhile Truthslayer missing in action was Secretly operating Laser mirroring images with help from Eric Barger’s STRETCH technology from our notTwitter page in order to erase the Sasquatch’s memory. We wonder if this is revenge for when Bigfoot almost got saved and are now beginning to wonder if this Sasquatch is really secretly a Boogie-Foot. As our late great Pastor-Teacher use to say:

“Boogie-foots are hijacking conservative evangelical denominations by New Age mysticism and here’s how to spot these dangerous teachings…HOW DO Christians know what to think when our pastors bring teachings into church that are rooted in heresy or the occult? Discernmentalism, that’s how. Know the genuine article so you can spot the counterfeit.”

Sadly our Discernmentalism is still suffering from the shock of having our secret identities almost revealed that we have yet to discernmentalize whether or not this Sasquatch is a Bigfoot or Boogie-Foot or an Abominable Snowman.

Still hiding in our Truth protected by our Doctrines as the job of discernmentalizing discerners is not for the faint of heart,

Don Jobson

*Update: We almost forgot that we learnt to hide our identities from our late mentor:

I have learned from my Mentor, the esteemed Discernmentalist Pastor-Teacher Ken Silva, who was in turn mentored by the late Dr. Walter Martin, that one should never truly reveal one’s identity. No one knows how the esteemed Pastor-Teacher Ken Silva looks like, where his church is or even if Ken Silva is his real name. This is important in order to safe guard one’s reputation and even life. You never know when one of those emergent heretics decide to do some Transcendental Meditation and comes to haunt you in your very own home!

Will Farel XV
Hiding from for the Truth


Pulpit calls Truce with ODMafia!

May 15, 2019

Breaking: While you were sleeping peacefully last night safe and protected by our Sound Doctrines in your warm beds—late last night ODMafia spies broke into Planned Pulpithood’s bunker and forced them to agree to a ceasefire of firing their missives at us and agree to ODMafia’s peace terms. However Pulpit promises to let the ODMafia continue subtly firing off our weapons of Massive destruction at them since the ODMafia helped crack the secret code of one of Pulpit’s enemies because our discernmentalism is of higher quality than anyone else’s.

Dr. Truthslayer utilizing Eric Barger’s Smocking Gun Technology on our Research Robot Monkeys once again has totally demolished Servus Christi with only one screencap rather than two by slicing letters and rearranging them until we were apprised of their secret meaning:

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That’s how much better at discernmentalism we are than anyone else—we exposed Servus Christi’s ties to the heretical Servetus before anyone else. On a related note we have reason to suspect Servus Christi as the one who made up the sinisterly globalist quasi-universalist sinfully-ecumenical quote exposing them in one of our latest Massives.


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