Black Friday ready!

November 27, 2010

We at ODMafia are BLACK FRIDAY ready. Discernmentalists traditionally  ignore consumerism, capitalism or anything else that would undermine the America Way of Life….and this is with good reason. A true discernmentalist believes that the American Way of Life is the Christian Way of Life. To say one is to accept the other and vice-versa. That is why we have introduced SAFE-BUY. It is a credit card made by discernmentalists for discernmentalists.

The card, carefully engineered will prevent you from buying purchases that could cause you to become a heretic or a liberal. In the event that you mistakenly try to buy NOOMA DVD’s the card will red-flag this purchase and the cashier will be instructed to slap you in the face. Instead you will be directed to purchase bible-believing DVD’s that help you to fear, worry and fret. In addition, you will learn how misquoting speakers will give you impressions that almost everyone in the church is a heretic, giving you the gnostic impression – you and only you have an side track on all things false.

Moreover, discernmentalist DVD’s will help to shape a cartoon, binary universe that will ensure that only those who say “Bible Believing” are the only ones telling the truth. Remember, discenrmentalist DVD’s don’t use the dodgy marketing techniques that other false ministries use, rather only the biblically righteous methods.

Remember this card is patriotic!

Truthslayer endorsed!

PS this card will provide absolute certainty


The 666 Sense

July 31, 2010

Eric Barger‘s favorite film from McCarthy Ministries:


Subtlety no object for true discernmentalists!

July 28, 2010

Since our partnership with McCarthy Ministries we have been hell-bent on detection of social gospelers, communists, closet commies, universal health-care enthusiasts and people who share their private possessions. Unfortunately far too often communist sympathizers go undetected or worse commie proselytizers are left to wander the streets and eat our food and drink our water. We are shocked and dismayed to find Take A Stand Ministries secretly promoting and peddling socialism while pretending to be a true bible believing ministry. It just makes me ill. It did not take us long to detect RED in his “Take A Stand” logo. He has secretly embedded his socialist message not in his heading but below it to throw off readers (ie to make them feel less threatened by his red faced secret socialist message, slowly undermining the gospel).

We can’t be fooled.

Don’t be fooled either. Remember if its red, its wrong!

Truthslayer

PS We have reason to believe that if Take A Stand is “red” they are likely Red Letter Christians and sympathetic to Emergings!


Ken Silva Is UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist!

July 22, 2010

 

Ken Silva and his Internet Para-Church of the True Remnant star in UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist the newest comedic Sci-Fi Discernmentalist smash hit and Blockbuster of the Summer! Fresh and straight from the creators of Full Mental Jack-@ss. Ken Silva as UltraKen leads his Internet Para-Church of the True Remnant: the Ultra-Discernmentalist Mafia as they sing, they dance and chant in a non-Contemplative way and most importantly they fight off the Babylonian hordes from Emergent Village. Watch as UltraKen and his army of loyal Truth Warriors the Ultra-Discernmentalists take on the evil reptilianoid Tony Jones, the equally evil dragonoid Doug Pagitt and the rest of the Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū)* from the Babylonian hordes of Emergent Village.

UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist features a special guest appearance by Chris Rosebrough of Pirate Radio playing the role of Spider-Pirateman. UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist coming soon this Summer to a theater near you. Itodyaso raves: “UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist contains over 40 times more Ken Silva than either Apprising Ministries or Christian Research Network!” Truthslayer exclaims: “Stupendous!” “A True Biblically Based comedic thrill-ride,” says Arthur McJohn; “my favorite part is when one of the UltraKens threw one of the Anabaptimergent Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū) into a fiery pit and said ‘this should prepare you for your eternal fate.’ I laughed so hard like Jesus ‘I Wept.'”

And now what you’ve all been waiting for the movie trailer—a montage of film clips from UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist of the army of UltraKens singing, dancing, training for battle in the Truth War and chanting in a non-Contemplative way plus some scenes of them fighting off the Babylonian hordes from Emergent Village:

*- Editors’ Note— In normal Japanese : 

Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū?) is a Japanese word that means “strange beast,” but often translated in English as “monster”. Specifically, it is used to refer to a genre of tokusatsu entertainment. Related terms include kaiju eiga (怪獣映画, kaijū eiga?, monster movie), a film featuring kaiju, kaijin (怪人?, referring to roughly humanoid monsters) and daikaiju (大怪獣, daikaijū?, giant monster), specifically meaning the larger variety of monsters. The most famous kaiju is Godzilla. Other well-known kaiju include Mothra, Anguirus, Rodan, Gamera and King Ghidorah. The term ultra-kaiju is short-hand for monsters in the Ultra Series.

In Yapaknees (a language derived from combining Japanese with Discernmentalese):

Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū) is a Yapaknees word that means “strange Emerging Emergent beast,” but often translated in English as “Emergent monster from the Babylonian hordes” or more simply “Emerging Emergent heretic.” Most Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū) are thought to come from Emergent Village. Two of the most famous kaiju are Tony Jones whose true form is a reptilianoid-type creature  and Doug Pagitt whose true form is a dragonoid-type creature—both featured in the new Discernmentalist Blockbuster Summer movie  UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist. (Source: New World Order Book Encyclopedia-the Discernmentalist Encyclopedia).


Eric Barger’s Take A Stand Ministries goes EMERGENT! ALERT ALERT!

June 4, 2010

This startling news in first reported to us by our valiant Research Robot Monkeys and mighty follower and fellow Discernmentalist (who holds an honourary degree from University of ODMafia with a specialization in Irrelevent Facts) noted the following quote by Take A Stand Ministries:

Still, I was completely blindsided by such a display when I walked into a Starbucks coffee shop in the Seattle area recently. I wasn’t at all prepared for the blatant, in-your-face, vulgar proclamation spelled out in big block letters inside.”

Are you as shocked as us? At first we were reluctant to point this out, we didn’t want to shame one of our very best discernmentalists….but being in line with the bible (as we are), and seeking to please God and not men, we feel we HAVE to point out the obvious.

1) First, Starbucks is clearly an official EMERGENT meeting spot. People who go to Starbucks are typical Emergents, or Emerging want-to-be’s.

2) The Starbucks logo clearly has a symbol of a pagan goddess deity (see sign above for further proof of blatant satanism)

3) Coffee shops are typical meeting places for revolutionaries  and socialists.

4) Purchasing a Starbucks coffee he brashly used ministry money to fund his socialist-emergent-coffee habit.

We can only conclude that Eric Barger’s ministry Take A Stand is ‘sitting down’ on the job and betraying the one true church. He has gone to the dark side and sadly in the last days we didn’t expect ministries of such repute to go down in the toilet so quickly and with such abandon. We must point out that Take A Stand has embraced the Emerging church and socialism at once and will likely join a new age cult within days.

Finally we must come against this evil and write or email Take A Stand …and TAKE A STAND for truth!

Truthslayer

PS it is quite possible that Take A Stand has already abandoned absolute truth and may be reading a Brian McLaren book at this very moment.


Truthslayer And Don Jobson Present…

May 13, 2010

 

Nothing But The Truth: a new film that is all about the Absolute Truth from the producers of “They Came From Beyond….Modernism” and Nothing But The Truth Films. Nothing But The Truth stars Truthslayer, Don Jobson and all your other favorite ODMs as they seek to expose all to the Truth and nothing but the Truth by our own standards of Absolute Truth. Nothing But The Truth is a film that is sure to thrill and delight Discernmentalists for ages to come.

Ken Silva raves: “Nothing But The Truth contains more Truth than Emergents or my other enemies care to comprehend.”

The Wretched Ways Of The Master Religion Discernmentalism crew exclaims: ” Nothing But The Truth contains every major Truth that we care about from both John MacArthur’s Study Bible and Worldviewpedia, the free Christian Worldview encyclopedia—our inerrant and infallible insider  sources for all Absolute Truth.

Sharin’ Whiplash says excitedly: “Finally a film that proclaims ‘nothing but the Truth’ about why the rank apostasy of the Roman Arminian Free-Will loving  Pelagian based Religion of Modern Evangelicalism is the most “insidious and dangerous” threat facing the world of the Church today. How dare Arminians proclaim that God loves everyone even those whom He created for the sole purpose of sending to Hell for God has no obligation to love anyone–none whatsoever period.”

James White agrees and notes that ‘Nothing But The Truth captures John MacArthur’s Truth Wars™ brilliantly and is a definitive statement on the Pure Doctrines of our Absolute Truth of God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath towards all but a few as John MacArthur Truthfully and solemnly proclaims:’

“Liberal thinking about God’s love also permeates much of evangelicalism today. We have lost the reality of God’s wrath. We have disregarded His hatred for sin. The God most evangelicals now describe is all-loving and not at all angry. We have forgotten that “It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God” (Hebrews 10:31). We do not believe in that kind of God anymore.

We must recapture some of the holy terror that comes with a right understanding of God’s righteous anger. We need to remember that God’s wrath does burn against impenitent sinners (Psalm 38:1-3). That reality is the very thing that makes His love so amazing. Only those who see themselves as sinners in the hands of an angry God can fully appreciate the magnitude and wonder of His love.

In that regard, our generation is surely at a greater disadvantage than any previous age. We have been force-fed the doctrines of self-esteem for so long that most people don’t really view themselves as sinners worthy of divine wrath. On top of that, religious liberalism, humanism, evangelical compromise, and ignorance of the Scriptures have all worked against a right understanding of who God is. Ironically, in an age that conceives of God as wholly loving, altogether devoid of wrath, few people really understand what God’s love is all about.”

Rhoblogy proclaims: “Finally a Truly Christian film that understands ‘nothing but the Truth’ about the Absolute Sovereignty of our Pure Doctrines which are the Absolute Truth. I recomend this film to all (and by all I mean only the Truly Regenerated Elect) True Bible-Believing Republican Christians!”


They came from…..

May 12, 2010

They came from beyond….modernism. Thankfully in this movie the MIGHTY ONLINE DISCERNMENTALISTS come to the rescue defending the American Gospel and modernism in one fell-swoop. Our heroes attempt to thwart the EMERGENT SAUCERS against those whochallenge TRUE theology which every bible-believing-right-wing Christian knows has been frozen in the 16th Century (and rescued again by Spurgeon)…and that absolute authentic theology was formulated, articulated, defended and argued from that time period and no other. There is no tweaking, investigating, re-articulating, questioning, or any contextualizing what-so-over….ever. Therefore, when the ugly emergent hordes from beyond come along they must be hunted down and their flying saucers and destroyed!

Just like the Roman Catholic Church, and Islam NOTHING shall be questioned!!! In fact if the Pope can speak ex cathedra…so can Calvin (his doctrines are UNCHANGEABLE). If the Roman Church is unchangeable,  we can be the same! This is why this discernmentalist movie had to be made. We had to point to the 16th Century truth….and show it in its absolutes…and with all your favourite heroes!

Here is one of the heretical-saucer-emergent-horde quotes from beyond that disgust us (and hopefully you too) and you will find in this great movie “you have to have essentials and common doctrines of belief. Let’s go to a core doctrine… if one doesn’t believe in the resurrection of Jesus (as some don’t who do call themselves “Christian”) you then have very different understandings of Jesus and what it means to follow Him. You either follow a dead Jesus who did not rise from the dead or….” (Dan Kimball) We deleted the rest of the quote to leave you hanging and to feel threatened by Kimball’s mysterious ending (hopefully you can muster some slander against this man!) We also deleted any parts of the movie that would give any favourable light to the Emergent scum. We thought that that was only fair since WE represent THE TRUTH.

Enjoy the movie!

Truthslayer


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