November 27, 2010
We at ODMafia are BLACK FRIDAY ready. Discernmentalists traditionally ignore consumerism, capitalism or anything else that would undermine the America Way of Life….and this is with good reason. A true discernmentalist believes that the American Way of Life is the Christian Way of Life. To say one is to accept the other and vice-versa. That is why we have introduced SAFE-BUY. It is a credit card made by discernmentalists for discernmentalists.
The card, carefully engineered will prevent you from buying purchases that could cause you to become a heretic or a liberal. In the event that you mistakenly try to buy NOOMA DVD’s the card will red-flag this purchase and the cashier will be instructed to slap you in the face. Instead you will be directed to purchase bible-believing DVD’s that help you to fear, worry and fret. In addition, you will learn how misquoting speakers will give you impressions that almost everyone in the church is a heretic, giving you the gnostic impression – you and only you have an side track on all things false.
Moreover, discernmentalist DVD’s will help to shape a cartoon, binary universe that will ensure that only those who say “Bible Believing” are the only ones telling the truth. Remember, discenrmentalist DVD’s don’t use the dodgy marketing techniques that other false ministries use, rather only the biblically righteous methods.
Remember this card is patriotic!
PS this card will provide absolute certainty
July 28, 2010
Since our partnership with McCarthy Ministries we have been hell-bent on detection of social gospelers, communists, closet commies, universal health-care enthusiasts and people who share their private possessions. Unfortunately far too often communist sympathizers go undetected or worse commie proselytizers are left to wander the streets and eat our food and drink our water. We are shocked and dismayed to find Take A Stand Ministries secretly promoting and peddling socialism while pretending to be a true bible believing ministry. It just makes me ill. It did not take us long to detect RED in his “Take A Stand” logo. He has secretly embedded his socialist message not in his heading but below it to throw off readers (ie to make them feel less threatened by his red faced secret socialist message, slowly undermining the gospel).
We can’t be fooled.
Don’t be fooled either. Remember if its red, its wrong!
PS We have reason to believe that if Take A Stand is “red” they are likely Red Letter Christians and sympathetic to Emergings!
May 12, 2010
They came from beyond….modernism. Thankfully in this movie the MIGHTY ONLINE DISCERNMENTALISTS come to the rescue defending the American Gospel and modernism in one fell-swoop. Our heroes attempt to thwart the EMERGENT SAUCERS against those whochallenge TRUE theology which every bible-believing-right-wing Christian knows has been frozen in the 16th Century (and rescued again by Spurgeon)…and that absolute authentic theology was formulated, articulated, defended and argued from that time period and no other. There is no tweaking, investigating, re-articulating, questioning, or any contextualizing what-so-over….ever. Therefore, when the ugly emergent hordes from beyond come along they must be hunted down and their flying saucers and destroyed!
Just like the Roman Catholic Church, and Islam NOTHING shall be questioned!!! In fact if the Pope can speak ex cathedra…so can Calvin (his doctrines are UNCHANGEABLE). If the Roman Church is unchangeable, we can be the same! This is why this discernmentalist movie had to be made. We had to point to the 16th Century truth….and show it in its absolutes…and with all your favourite heroes!
Here is one of the heretical-saucer-emergent-horde quotes from beyond that disgust us (and hopefully you too) and you will find in this great movie “you have to have essentials and common doctrines of belief. Let’s go to a core doctrine… if one doesn’t believe in the resurrection of Jesus (as some don’t who do call themselves “Christian”) you then have very different understandings of Jesus and what it means to follow Him. You either follow a dead Jesus who did not rise from the dead or….” (Dan Kimball) We deleted the rest of the quote to leave you hanging and to feel threatened by Kimball’s mysterious ending (hopefully you can muster some slander against this man!) We also deleted any parts of the movie that would give any favourable light to the Emergent scum. We thought that that was only fair since WE represent THE TRUTH.
Enjoy the movie!