We support the New Conservative Bible

April 4, 2010

We are proud to sponsor the New Conservative Bible. In fact, here is an animation we truly feel is inspired by our DOCTRINES and God! This is how OUR Jesus would have acted like and taught.


We must stand against Rick Warren’s PEACE plan!

January 28, 2010

 

Rick Warren showing us that the PEACE plan is only about himself!

Warren‘s PEACE Plan The ODMafia Analysis
1.Was: Plant churches  Changed to: Promote Reconciliation This is just another scheme to sell more books! (We wish we thought of it first!) We must stand against this as Rick plans to try to end “Spiritual emptiness” under the cruel and unbiblical idea of planting churches and preaching… Reconciliation! We hate that!
2. Equip servant leaders This is just another ploy to get rid of the priest laity division. Which is fine as that idea is “reformed” BUT! What Rick is really doing is taking away OUR jobs! Yes, he is trying to bring down the walls between the Forever-And-Righteous-Theologians and the peons that think they can just read the bible and understand without our help! How dare Rick Warren think he can equip anyone better than we can!
3. Assist the poor What the Hell for? They got themselves in that mess. If they were just committed to the Holy Economics of Capitalism then they would not be poor and be rich like me! The real issue is poor people riding the system and using my tax money to buy big screen TV’s and Wii’s!
4. Care for the sick And this… this is just a code for socialism… Rick Warren just wants to pass the Health Care bill so that we will be equal with Canada!
  Of course this means then that Rick Warren is for abortion if he supports Obama (the antichrist himself!) and the evil Health Care bill!
  This also means Rick Warren is trying to stop the spread of AIDS. How dare he go against God’s holy means of judging those homos!
5. Educate the next generation By educate Rick Warren means he wants me to pay for third world schools to educate those living there! This means our products we send there to have them make at a lower cost will now cost more! How can we keep Wal-Mart supplied with low cost (near slave labor) products
  This also means that Rick Warren wants women to be equal with men! How unbiblical is that! We have only a few exemptions like Ingrid of Slice, Deborah of DTW and Paula at her blog (is that even still up and going?)
By education, Rick Warren also means that I will have to stop driving my Hummer and drive a hybrid car!  

The final analysis is that Rick Warren has gone insane! His ego is only surpassed by our self righteous judgment of him! Be sure to send him a note telling him how he needs to stop this silliness before he embarrasses all of us True Christians!


Bible believing bible food for discernmentalists

January 18, 2010

Are you tired of eating the same secular food as pagans, heathens and emergents? With the Bible Bar in your back pocket you can take scriptural sound food with you, even into the Lions Den and feel comfortable eating biblical sound food.

If you are a true discernmentalist or belong to God’s Only Inerrant Party then this is the ONLY true BIBLE food fit for you. %100 Absolute bible food, for a %100 Biblically accurate people like yourself.

Remember it contains food describe in Deut. 8:8. Be safe, eat biblically!

Truthslayer endorsed!


Reformation Crunch Cereal

December 15, 2009

ref

Far too often Reformer’s children have had to the same breakfast slop as new agers, pagans, and mainline Christians. Now ODMafia research and design has tested and produced an all new exclusive 100% discernmentalist cereal….first it was Calvin Crunch now we have Reformation Crunch! It features the Five Sola’s in every bite protecting you from  Emergents, Roman Catholics and people who meditate on the bible (which Luther would never do!)

Each bit of cereal in every box in numbered, organized and categorized for structured and careful eating habits.

Order your exclusive cereal today and get a Peasants Revolt Mini-Comix prize in each box!

Quakerless Cereal is every discernmentalists cereal….you owe it to yourself to embrace the pure doctrines of Reformation Crunch.

Dr. Truthslayer approved!


Truth Loops: The breakfast cereal for truthwarriors!

December 8, 2009

truthloops

As a discernmentalist…. are you tired of your children not receiving the proper amount of discernmentalist truth?

Now they can munch on truth warrior cereal TRUTH LOOPS! This is a unique cereal fortified with recycled bibles (KJV – only). Moreover it is saturated with minerals extracted from Olive Tree Ministries soil and vitamins encoded with Take a Stand Ministries DNA. Imbibing this cereal will enable you and your children to spend their invaluable time arguing in circles! Circular argumentation is the essence of this truth warrior cereal!

This truth warrior cereal with have your children invigourated by this outrageously tasty (but safe) breakfast cereal. They will be up and judging others in no time. This is all about certainty. Order now while supplies last.

Dr. Truthslayer endorsed!


Jesus and Wine.

November 13, 2009

Jesus and Wine.

 

Many people misunderstand what Jesus was actually teaching when he used wine as an example and when turned water into wine.

First let’s look as the first time Jesus talk’s about wine.

Matthew 914Then(S) the disciples of John came to him, saying,(T) “Why do we and(U) the Pharisees fast,[c] but your disciples do not fast?” 15And Jesus said to them, (V) “Can the wedding guests mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them?(W) The days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and(X) then they will fast. 16No one puts a piece of unshrunk cloth on an old garment, for the patch tears away from the garment, and a worse tear is made. 17Neither is new wine put into old(Y) wineskins. If it is, the skins burst and the wine is spilled and the skins are destroyed. But new wine is put into fresh wineskins, and so both are preserved.” (The Holy and anointed unbiased ESV)

 Now many miss this teaching. Note the question? “”Why do we and(U) the Pharisees fast,[c] but your disciples do not fast?” Then Jesus states that because he is there, His disciples do not need to fast, but there will be a day when Jesus is gone that His disciples will fast and the Pharisees and disciples of John will not. Jesus then talks about wine and wineskins. This is where so many miss the point. Often New Age Emergerants will try to say that this is “spiritual”. We know that nothing in our faith is “spiritual” as that would lead to “living by the Spirit” and we will have nothing to do with that! Now, the Ermergerants will say that the old traditions are gone and the new traditions are better. So they twist this verse to mean, ”If you put new wine in old wine skins it will burst the skins and spill the wine.” Oh yeah! They would love spilling wine in their emerging church orgies! Yep, I can hear them now, “a little wine for you and a little for me, and next week we break out the Hookah’s and some weed for service!” Now that is blasphemy and not what Jesus was teaching at all.

 Here is what Jesus meant. We are not to drink wine meant we are not to eat too much otherwise we will burst from too much food. Those stupid Emergerants will twist the bible to mean whatever they want it to mean and not what we want it to mean! Jesus was just warning his disciples not to eat too much. It is that simple.

 Now the other misunderstood passage is this one.

 John 2 1On(A) the third day there was a wedding at(B) Cana in Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. 2Jesus also was invited to the wedding with(C) his disciples. 3When the wine ran out, the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have no wine.” 4And Jesus said to her, (D) “Woman,(E) what does this have to do with me?(F) My hour has not yet come.” 5His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”

 6Now there were six stone water jars there(G) for the Jewish rites of purification, each holding twenty or thirty(H) gallons.[a] 7Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water.” And they filled them up to the brim. 8And he said to them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the feast.” So they took it. 9When the master of the feast tasted(I) the water now become wine, and did not know where it came from (though the servants who had drawn the water knew), the master of the feast called the bridegroom 10and said to him, “Everyone serves the good wine first, and when people have drunk freely, then the poor wine. But you have kept the good wine until now.” 11This, the first of his signs, Jesus did at Cana in Galilee, and manifested(J) his glory. And(K) his disciples believed in him. (God’s truly anointed and Chris Pajak approved version the ESV)

This is often used by Emergerants to prove that they can get drunk in their orgy services. Yet again I will tell you what it really means. First off, we see that Mary is able to make Jesus do what she wanted even though Jesus did not want to do it. So here we see principle 1.

 Principle 1. A good ODM knows how to manipulate God to do what the ODM wants.

 The next principle is that Jesus did this miracle to secretly take now who was a sinner and who was not. Jesus simply watched to see who drank the wine and who did not and thus knew which disciple he would have trouble with. Didn’t you ever wonder how Jesus knew Judas would betray Him? Well now you know!

 Principle 2. A good ODM tests others like Jesus did to see who is truly saved and who is not!

 The third and last principle is this. Jesus did this miracle to show the sinners so He could show how holy He was! It never states Jesus drank any of this wine… in fact later we read that Jesus was offered wine on the cross and He refused. This proves that booze is bad! So we know this was a test and was to show Jesus was way holier than anyone else!

 Principle 3. Like Jesus, ODM’s are way too holy to drink booze and will not fail the test as simple as this. The ODM is as holy as Jesus so there is no way we will drink, but as stated, when we see someone who does we simply raise the finger of judgment and condemnation and shout, “SINNER! REPENT!”


Post-reformation cereal brings you CATACOMB!

October 20, 2009

postcerealTired of always fleeing apostasy?

Are your pure doctrines continually under assault?

Now you can enjoy the pure and all natural ingredients of CATACOMB! This is a specially designed cereal for those who enjoy 100% pure doctrine…and want it in every bite! Now your whole family can flee to CATACOMB and enjoy something Truthslayer endorsed. Guaranteed Roman Catholic free!

Setting the standard for true biblical doctrine and bible based cereal!

ODMafia….the new standard in truth quality.


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