“Act of God now blamed on nothing”: says Hitchens!

September 7, 2019

So called “Acts of God” are now Acts of Nothing says pop-athiest Christopher Hitchens according to our research robot monkey fact finding mission (we heard this from a friend of a friend.. We suggest that Insurance Companies produce ACTS OF NOTHING clauses to further assist people in understanding that Tornadoes, Hurricanes, etc are simply acts of nothingness.

We recommend Old Glory Insurance which even protects against unforeseen Robot attacks.

Truthslayer thoroughly insured


For The Discernmentalist On The Go….

April 18, 2019

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Introducing an all New Action Pants©™ for the discriminating Discernmentalist consumer! Our all New Action Pants©™ are  Chuck Norris endorsed; Truthslayer approved; OdMafia backed. Every pair of our all New Action Pants©™  are: made with Maximum doctrinal protection… Stretch Technologyextreme comfort… good for  roundhousing the bedevil out of liberals; heretics; postmodern apostates; anti-Trumpers; pacifists; gays; vegans; Canadians; Muslims; mooses; meeses; garbonzo beans; Antifa; abortionists; commies; SJWs; feminazis; Hollywood; signs; TVs; and all others who stand against our Pure Doctrines or all your money belongs to us back guaranteed. Act now: Only $99.95 plus $33s/h plus a  $7555 surcharge. Shut up and give us all your money! Your bank accounts  belong to us now.. Suckas!


Why we support paedobaptiphobia

February 19, 2010

Typical baptist unregenerate baptism against Calvin's doctrines!

Let me break this word down for the ignorant unrepentant masses that read this blog only to mock our inferiority. We here have just made up a new word, because that is just how smart we are here at the ODMafia. So, you slack jaw locals who think that Phil Johnson’s Hugh Ass was parody, this is what paedobaptiphobia means.

paedo: Pertaining to children.

bapti: Pertaining to Baptists who immerse children in water.

phobia: Pertaining to fear of things in general but when connected to a word means you fear that word.

Therefore, you now know what the word “paedobaptiphobia” means. It means fear of baptist who baptise children.

Now, we know that is pure unadulterated heresy per John MacArthur (per our own award winning theologian Don Jobson) and that John Calvin would have never taught such a horrible doctrine! For John Calvin’s doctrine was almost as pure as our own! So, we support paedobaptiphobia in all forms and detest the unsaved Baptists who do not bow to our doctrines!  BTW, we here at the ODMafia do not need a list of reasons we call infant baptism heresy like Piper or MacArthur. Why? It is heresy because we say it is and that is good enough for us and should be good enough for you!


Evil Emergent Plot Uncovered

October 15, 2009

Ken Silva and the fine crew of God’s Only Inerrant Party have recently discovered a new sinister plot by those  Evil Emergents who are truly pagan and worship Satan. Here are the details that our GOIP Bot Searcher 3342 found on futher investigation:

AlanMoore_Baptist_children1

You see there—those Evil Emergents are plotting to sacrifice little Baptist children to Satan (and by Baptists we mean only those who follow the Pure Doctrines as preached by Spurgeon). They said that they were doing this in protest of our Halloweenie Heretic Book Burning Shindig.  If that isn’t Absolute Proof that Emergents are the Incarnation of Absolute Evil then here is futher proof: Emergents love Postmodern Philosophy. Jacques Derrida is a Postmodern Philosopher and the devil reads Derrida. Photographic evidence:

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From this we can conclude that Postmodernism is of the devil—so therefore the Emergents are non-Elect and also of the devil, too.

Don Jobson—Taking A Stand on the Urgent Emergency of the Emergent Heresy.


Seismic Shift In Methods Used To Track Heretics!

September 29, 2009

Church damaged by candles used in secret Emergent meeting. Thank God there were no couches in there as the whole place would have burnt down!

ODMafia Daily (Sep .29, 2009) — Discernmentalist have developed a new technique to monitor emerging heretical movements beneath the Earth’s surface, helping them better understand how Emergent’s behave.


The team, led by top ODM, I. Todyaso from the ODM University, says that the new method, which uses data collected from heretics, potentially allows the Emergent activity to map more comprehensively other heretical movements.

ODM’s currently monitor underground movements, such as Emergents, using super-secret – instruments that measure the motion of those movements at local churches. This helps to indicate where they might be taking place and what churches could be infected next.

Now, by analyzing the heretical waves from two different Emergent meetings, the team has been able to simulate the heretical waves from one of meetings much like a recording seismometer does with earthquakes. The discovery allows Emergents themselves to be used as virtual seismometers that record passing heretical waves from tremors to full fledged “Soul Tsunamis”.

Using Emergents in this way substantially increases the number of locations that could be used to detect Emergent activity. And since Emergents services occur in dimly lit buildings with couches, using them also allows ODM”s to monitor other heretical activity from far the future!

The research, published in Natural Judgmentalism, was carried out in collaboration with the British ODM Survey and other ODM Universities.

TruthSlayer, Professor of Mathematical Heretical Studies at the ODM University of Canada, said: “This turns the way we can twist Emerging movements leaders quotes on their head. By using Emergents themselves as virtual microphones that record the sound of heretics internal movements, we can listen to the Heretics stretching and cracking from directly within its most heretical places.”

Dr. Brian D. Southernbaptie, ODMology Team Leader at the British ODMological Survey, said: “This discovery shows how we can measure strains of heresy deep inside the Church and helps improve our understanding of the processes driving emerging activity so we are better equipped to lie about what they really teach.”


A new way to keep your congregation under control!

August 30, 2009

 

honda-brainThe Direct Doctrine Wave Cap: Is your congregation wandering away from YOUR TRUTH? Many people will not subject themselves to actual brain implants. This handy device is hardly noticeable. All you do is ask the congregation to put on their discernmentalist caps and then send DOCTRINE WAVES (DW©) straight into their brains. These DW© bypass the heart so that certain doctrines do not effect it. Yes dear pastor, you will have complete control over your congregation and you will not have to trouble with that pesky Holy Spirit changing the hearts or teaching (rather unteaching) all you have invested in these trusting people. With the Direct DOCTRINE WAVE machine we who love control are in control. Also available if you act now the handy Radio Remote to remotely direct your congregation outside the church. While you control the person they will be pumped with feelings of guilt for not doing enough work for you and the church. rc_hobbies_250x251

This is a $3000 value for only $25 a month for 15 years.* Supply is limited so act fast!

*Interest is compounded at 10% per month.


“Trutharama” has new future on Truth Central Broadcasting

August 13, 2009

“Truthurama” creators Eric Barger are working on stories for the new batch of episodes of the truth-discernment related cartoon, slated to premiere on Comedy Central in mid-2010. Its so bad its funny says reporters.
Just as with “Family Guy,” whose improbable return was triggered by big DVD sales and solid ratings on the Trinity Broadcast Network that had recently become unitarian for failing to understand actual doctrine. Rigid beliefs, and fear have caused many Christians to watch few shows, some stooping even to watch Trutharama.
The 26-episode order from Comedy Central was preceded by four feature-length original “Truthurama” specials: “Bender’s Big Score,” “The Beast With a Billion Backs,” “Bender’s Game” and “Into the Wild Green Yonder,” which have done well on DVD and on Comedy Central. (The most recent special, “Yonder,” premieres on Comedy Central in September.)
Comedy Central was happy with the specials and with the 72 produced episodes of “Futurama” it acquired from 20th Century Fox TV in 2006.
“Yet there is nothing like new, self-contained episodes week to week,” said Comedy Central’s senior vice president programing David Bernath. “This is all about reinvigorating the franchise, giving it a new burst of energy.”
benderTrutharama” creators ODMafia and Eric Barger are working on stories for the new batch of episodes of the truth-discernment related cartoon, slated accidently to premiere on Truth Central Broadcasting in mid-2010. “Its so bad its funny” says reporters.
Just as with “Take A Stand Guy,” whose improbable return was triggered by big DVD sales and solid ratings on the Trinity Broadcast Network that had recently become unitarian , Trutharama has been given a resurrection (but not a literal one, as some readers may suppose).
The 26-episode order from Truth Central Broadcasting was preceded by four feature-length original “Trutharama” specials: “ODMafia’s Big Score,” “The Emerging Monster With a Billion Backs,” “Get a Backbone” (co-written by Apprising Ministries) and “Into the Wild Green Heresy,” which have done well on DVD and on Truth Central Broadcasting (The most recent special, “Wild Green,” premieres on Truth Central Broadcasting in September.)
ITodyaso said “This is all about reinvigorating the franchise, giving it a new burst of discernmetnalist energy.” We hope you will join us this fall with all new episodes.


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