Precious American Gospel Bible Verses

July 26, 2010

Any True Christian American Patriot and True Citizen of the Kingdom of God aka America should keep these Bible verses as close to their hearts as their guns and ammunition:

For Christ came to butcher, destroy, bomb and burn our enemies so that they may die more violently. (John MacArthur 10:10).

The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is long-suffering to us-ward, and is willing that all our enemies should perish, so that America may stand forever. (Second Peter Ruckman 3:9).

 For we know Him who said, “VENGEANCE IS OURS TO REPAY.” And again, “AMERICA WILL JUDGE ALL PEOPLE.” sayeth the Lord. (Bob “Hebrews” Jones 10:30).

But I tell you: Hate your enemies and pray an Imprecatory Prayer that God through American Military Might might smite as many of them as possible. (Matthew Ken Silva 5:44).

—All Scriptures  quoted from the 1611 King James Bible the Authorized American Version aka Chuck Norris’ Bible.

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Ken Silva Is UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist!

July 22, 2010

 

Ken Silva and his Internet Para-Church of the True Remnant star in UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist the newest comedic Sci-Fi Discernmentalist smash hit and Blockbuster of the Summer! Fresh and straight from the creators of Full Mental Jack-@ss. Ken Silva as UltraKen leads his Internet Para-Church of the True Remnant: the Ultra-Discernmentalist Mafia as they sing, they dance and chant in a non-Contemplative way and most importantly they fight off the Babylonian hordes from Emergent Village. Watch as UltraKen and his army of loyal Truth Warriors the Ultra-Discernmentalists take on the evil reptilianoid Tony Jones, the equally evil dragonoid Doug Pagitt and the rest of the Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū)* from the Babylonian hordes of Emergent Village.

UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist features a special guest appearance by Chris Rosebrough of Pirate Radio playing the role of Spider-Pirateman. UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist coming soon this Summer to a theater near you. Itodyaso raves: “UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist contains over 40 times more Ken Silva than either Apprising Ministries or Christian Research Network!” Truthslayer exclaims: “Stupendous!” “A True Biblically Based comedic thrill-ride,” says Arthur McJohn; “my favorite part is when one of the UltraKens threw one of the Anabaptimergent Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū) into a fiery pit and said ‘this should prepare you for your eternal fate.’ I laughed so hard like Jesus ‘I Wept.'”

And now what you’ve all been waiting for the movie trailer—a montage of film clips from UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist of the army of UltraKens singing, dancing, training for battle in the Truth War and chanting in a non-Contemplative way plus some scenes of them fighting off the Babylonian hordes from Emergent Village:

*- Editors’ Note— In normal Japanese : 

Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū?) is a Japanese word that means “strange beast,” but often translated in English as “monster”. Specifically, it is used to refer to a genre of tokusatsu entertainment. Related terms include kaiju eiga (怪獣映画, kaijū eiga?, monster movie), a film featuring kaiju, kaijin (怪人?, referring to roughly humanoid monsters) and daikaiju (大怪獣, daikaijū?, giant monster), specifically meaning the larger variety of monsters. The most famous kaiju is Godzilla. Other well-known kaiju include Mothra, Anguirus, Rodan, Gamera and King Ghidorah. The term ultra-kaiju is short-hand for monsters in the Ultra Series.

In Yapaknees (a language derived from combining Japanese with Discernmentalese):

Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū) is a Yapaknees word that means “strange Emerging Emergent beast,” but often translated in English as “Emergent monster from the Babylonian hordes” or more simply “Emerging Emergent heretic.” Most Kaiju (怪獣, kaijū) are thought to come from Emergent Village. Two of the most famous kaiju are Tony Jones whose true form is a reptilianoid-type creature  and Doug Pagitt whose true form is a dragonoid-type creature—both featured in the new Discernmentalist Blockbuster Summer movie  UltraKen: The Ultra-Discernmentalist. (Source: New World Order Book Encyclopedia-the Discernmentalist Encyclopedia).


Bible Monkey Finally Embraces The Truth War Through Our Gentle Coercion

July 7, 2010

 

We would like to welcome Bible Monkey to our Fold. Thanks to our Clear Teachings and expository preaching of John MacArthur’s Truth War Doctrines, Bible Monkey finally decided to embrace our Truth Wars.  H0pefully we will soon gently coerce Bible Monkey into bowing down before our Pure Doctrines of John MacArthur’s Truth War but until then we still cannot reconcile with Bible Monkey.

We have high hopes for  Bible Monkey though as Bible Monkey already demonstrates the Absolute Biblical Truth of our Pure Doctrines as Bible Monkey is:

  • Totally captivated by our Clear Teachings
  • Unable to resist sitting under our feet
  • Learning to study our Truth War ways
  • Irresistably drawn to our expositions of Absolute Gospel Truth
  • Perfectly enslaved to our Great Merciful Loving and Graceful God’s Law and Wrath towards sinners

Commies: The Musical!

July 2, 2010

 

Apostate Film Productions in conjunction with Walt Disney’s Red Letter Department presents Commies: The Musical—a musical of epic heretical anti-capitalist proportions set in a time when Communistic Socialist Justice was just reaching into the jugular of America’s heartland. This musical begins with a young Jim Wallis singing this number (The World Will Know) in the hopes of  getting America’s God-fearing youth to go on strike in protest against America’s God-ordained Capitalism

Counting the costs from the  riots that he incited Wallis gains a loyal band of followers including a young Tony Campolo. The plot really thickens when Wallis and Campolo encounter the heretical Social Gospel thought of Walter Rauschenbusch and both Wallis and Campolo begin thinking unbiblical thoughts about the Word of God which leads them to seriously ponder Jesus’ life and teachings. Soon Wallis and Campolo begin organizing and create the Red Letter Christian Union which seeks to ‘promote these evil unbiblical values such as peace, building strong families, the elimination of poverty, and other important social justice issues.’  In celebration of their Organized Union and their newly found Socialistic ideas Campolo pleads with the new Red Letter Christians to Seize The Day:

Somehow this song gains the attention of Brian McLaren as he dreams up a vision to unite Red Letter Christianity with his brand of Emergence Christianity. Jim Wallis and Tony Campolo catch wind of this idea and agree to meet with McLaren as they plan to unite in the theme of the Kingdom of God. Soon the Red Letter Christians and Emerging/Emergent Christians organize into an even bigger and stronger Union. Commies: The Musical ends with the whole cast singing a paen to their vision for a Communistic Kingdom of God to be unleashed upon the earth Once And For All:


Introducing WWJMD? (What would John MacArthur Do?)

June 9, 2010


Martin Luther Backs Socialists: Chapter The Second

June 4, 2010

 

…Continued from Martin Luther Backs Socialists:  Chapter The First

…When we last left off of our tale, our anti-hero and anti-Reagan of our story (Martin Luther) was still supportive of our heros the Peasants (the Original Tea Partiers 4 Jesus), but suddenly though Martin Luther (Jim Wallis’ ancient relative) began to change and things took a turn for the worse. Martin Luther (would be Democrat) began to turn against the Peasants (Tea Partiers 4 Jesus) and slander them in a liberal controled media CNN sort of way  saying that they violated Romans 13 by protesting and rebelling against the Holy Roman Emperor (the Obama of his day) and as we all know protesting and rebellion are of the Devil (unless of course it is the Protestant Rebellion protesting against the divinely appointed authority of the Pope). John MacArthur (a Protestant protester of all things Catholic or even Catholic sounding) sets the record  straight:

Since America seems to be losing its Christian orientation, there are some who believe Christians have a right to protest and break the law. Many Christian leaders are calling for Christians to leave their present ministry and become a part of a new political Christian lobby that uses pressure and social action to effect change. Some are calling for protest and moderate revolution against our government. They say the government is taking freedom away from the church and encroaching on religion. In an effort to save the church’s freedom, myriads of organizations are rising up in our country calling for action against the government. I am amazed at how many evangelical Christians who would have avoided such activity fifteen years ago are now aggressively pursuing the political lobby approach. I’m also amazed at the number of belligerent people who join together on issues of civil authority and civil rights yet who would never find any common ground on the issue of truth. You can find true believers, charlatans, frauds, and false prophets all united for the sake of “religious freedom,” who believe that political lobbying will preserve the Kingdom of God in America. “Now listen to this. It doesn’t matter whether your ruler is Caesar, Herod, Pilate, Felix, Fetus, Agrippa, Stalin, Hitler, Winston Churchill, Bill Clinton, it doesn’t matter who it is, he says be subject, you teach them to be subject.”

But returning back to our tale Martin Luther (an anti-Glenn Beck of his day) was so in bed with Big Brother in trying to take away their God-given  rights and liberties that he said of our heroes the Peasants (Tea Partiers 4 Jesus):

The peasants have taken upon themselves the burden of three terrible sins against God and man; by this they have abundantly merited death in body and soul. In the first place, they have sworn6 to be true and faithful, submissive and obedient, to their rulers, as Christ commands when he says, “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s” [Luke 20:25]. And Romans 13 [:1] says, “Let every person be subject to the governing authorities.” Since they are now deliberately and violently breaking this oath of obedience and setting themselves in opposition to their masters, they have forfeited body and soul, as faithless, perjured, lying, dis­obedient rascals and scoundrels usually do. St. Paul passed this judgment on them in Romans 13 [:2] when he said that those who resist the authorities will bring a judgment upon themselves. This saying will smite the peasants sooner or later, for God wants people to be loyal and to do their duty.

…anyone who is killed fighting on the side of the rulers may be a true martyr in the eyes of God, if he fights with the kind of conscience I have just described, for he acts in obedience to God’s word. On the other hand, anyone who perishes on the peas­ants’ side is an eternal firebrand of hell, for he bears the sword against God’s word and is disobedient to him, and is a member of the devil.

…The peasants are not content with belonging to the devil themselves; they force and compel many good people to join their devilish league against their wills, and so make them partakers of all of their own wickedness and damnation. Anyone who consorts with them goes to the devil with them and is guilty of all the evil deeds that they commit, even though he has to do this be­cause he is so weak in faith that he could not resist them. A pious Christian ought to suffer a hundred deaths rather than give a hairs­breadth of consent to the peasants’ cause. O how many martyrs could now be made by the bloodthirsty peasants and the prophets of murder!13 Now the rulers ought to have mercy on these pris­oners of the peasants, and if they had no other reason to use the sword with a good conscience against the peasants, and to risk their own lives and property in fighting them, this would be rea­son enough, and more than enough: they would be rescuing and helping these souls whom the peasants have forced into their devilish league and who, without willing it, are sinning so horribly and must be damned. For truly these souls are in purgatory; in­deed, they are in the bonds of hell and the devil.

This is why we now offer this Godly Sanctified non-Heretical non-Worldly Folk Ballad Pure Truth War Reagan Gospel Hymn in their honor—in the honor of the martyrs of the original Tea Party—the Peasants (the Original Tea Partiers 4 Jesus) and in protest against Martin Luther and Big Brother (the Holy Roman Empire—the Original Big Bad Socialist Government):

Tale dast concluded—dast und?


Martin Luther Backs Socialists: Chapter The First

June 2, 2010

 

We are proud to present to you a moment from Discernmentalist Revised History uncut and uncensored: This is a tale about the Original Tea Partiers 4 Jesus and how they revolted against the Big  Bad Government and the Big Name who stood against them and opposed them. The cast of characters include: a bunch of peasants (the Original Tea Partiers 4 Jesus), the Holy Roman Emperor (Big Brother) and the Big Name who stood with Big Brother against the Original Tea Partiers 4 Jesus—that Big Name of course is Martin Luther (evil Neo-Marxist Red-Letter Christian prototype).

Our tale is a tale of sadness and woe; torture and families; the rich and the poor; the old and young; of death and taxes. Our tale begins in 1524 when the Peasants (Tea Partiers 4 Jesus) who were fed up with being heavily taxed decided to rebel (but not in a Romans 13-denying way as Romans 13 doesn’t apply to the rebellions of Conservative Bible-Believers only Liberals and Theologians who lied to Hitler to protect Jews even John MacArthur told us so) against the Holy Roman Emperor (the Big Bad Evil Socialist Government).

At first Martin Luther (our anti-hero and anti-Reagan of this story) agreed that the Peasants (Tea Partiers 4 Jesus) deserved a break from their taxes especially those who were extremely wealthy by Medieval standards (meaning they privately owned at least one cow)—so all the Peasants (Tea Partiers 4 Jesus) drew up a plan to lobby for tax cuts for the richest and most wealthiest among them. I mean why should they have to share their privately owned cattle or any other privately owned property with the government that only protects them and makes them secure. Why should they have to share with anyone for that matter as  sharing is Communism and as we all know:

The Bible mandates free market capitalism. It is anti-socialist. When Christianity adheres to the judicial specifics of the Bible, it produces free market capitalism.

On the other hand, when Christianity rejects the judicial specifics of the Bible, it produces socialism or some politically run hybrid “middle way” between capitalism and socialism, where politicians and bureaucrats make the big decisions about how people’s wealth will be allocated. Economic growth then slows or is reversed. Always.

To be continued in the next exciting part of our installments of  Discernmentalist Revised History—stay tuned for the conclusion of our tale in Martin Luther Backs Socialists: Chapter The Second…


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