July 7, 2010
We would like to welcome Bible Monkey to our Fold. Thanks to our Clear Teachings and expository preaching of John MacArthur’s Truth War Doctrines, Bible Monkey finally decided to embrace our Truth Wars. H0pefully we will soon gently coerce Bible Monkey into bowing down before our Pure Doctrines of John MacArthur’s Truth War but until then we still cannot reconcile with Bible Monkey.
We have high hopes for Bible Monkey though as Bible Monkey already demonstrates the Absolute Biblical Truth of our Pure Doctrines as Bible Monkey is:
- Totally captivated by our Clear Teachings
- Unable to resist sitting under our feet
- Learning to study our Truth War ways
- Irresistably drawn to our expositions of Absolute Gospel Truth
- Perfectly enslaved to our Great Merciful Loving and Graceful God’s Law and Wrath towards sinners
June 30, 2010
Eric Barger reveals “The REAL Purpose of the Church” by giving a sneak preview of what’s in store for all True ODM Churches in these Last Days. What’s in store for all Pure ODM Churches taking a stand for Absolute Truth you may ask? Why! Nothing but the blessed rapture! (Thanks to one of our Reasearch Robot Monkeys for catching this).
However we are not quite satisfied with that answer as we are not quite in the Last Days of this Great Tribulation of Emergent apostasy—because of this we must continue to stand for Truth so that we will be ready—Rapture Ready when the blessed rapture occurs before Jesus returns and comes to slay all the non-Elect unregenerate reprobates.
Are you ready? Here is our list of what one must do to be ready in order to prepare for the blessed rapture:
- Unconditionally support every act of Israel even their acts of terrorism
- Unconditionally support USA-brand Imperialism
- Vote Obama and every Democrat out of office
- Smoke a Spurgeon-approved cigar
- Buy 667 copies of John MacArthur’s book The Truth War: Fighting for Certainty in an Age of Deception and leave one copy everywhere you go just in case one of the regenerate predestined Elect accidently stumbles upon a copy and awakens to their status of being among the regenerate predestined Elect
- Outlaw all abortion and homosexuality
- Use only a King James AV1611 Bible or ESV
- Burn any copy of Rick Warren’s Purpose Driven Life, Brian McLaren’s books or any other Emergent type book that you come across preferably while performing a Bible-Based animal sacrifice or while burning Emergent heretics themselves
- Read only the Online Discernmentalist Mafia, The Official Blog Of God’s Only Inerrant Party, Ken Silva and other ODMs to get your facts]
- Continue to be ever-vigilant and ever-valiant in your stand for our Absolute Biblical Truth