A game for the true discernmentalist!

July 16, 2019

In a new game of discernmentalist fun, Nahtzee is fun for the whole family. In this game you will learn to roll the dice to promote war, fear and characterize immigrants as the cause of all sorts of problems. Rolling numbers like sixes and threes will allow you to advance aggressive foreign policy against poor third world nations and justify it as Christian, Biblical and Scriptural. Moreover, numbers like 2 and 5 will promote greater peace and security by denying the rights of other players in this game. Getting a number ten will allow you to berate and chastise red-letter Christians for being communist. Finally, getting the number four and nine will give you “national security” privileges preventing you from getting caught cheating, lying or any immoral act. Bad will be good, and good will be bad.

Using these carefully crafted techniques will allow a truely biblical discernmentalist to spin truth as he sees fit…and to use it as needed.

Truthslater


A quick hitter

April 23, 2019

Priest

Hello my faithful warriors for faith!  It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything for I was battling the semipelagianist  around the globe. 37 countries and countless battles and I firmly believe that we are winning the battle.  I ask that all of you stand steadfast against the teaching of the post modernists and liberal feminists.   Let us pray strongly for our brothers in arms John Piper and Rush Limbaugh.    Let us pray that God, in his sovereignty, would bless our great Truth War once again against all those who would stand against us and our eternal struggle. Let us fight against Easter worshippers and all those who would dare call Christians Easter worshippers. Let us spread more Pizzagates and QaNon propaganda to take a stand against the vaccinated apostates who pervert our Pure Doctrines for: “There is nothing makes a man suspect much, more than to know little.”—FRANCIS BACON, Of Suspicion, 1625.

I write this from the Fema Concentration camp that I stole my guns back from comforted by John MacArthur (PBUH)’s words: “There has been a conspiracy to cover up a truth that is so essential to the New Testament, that without it we misunderstand our relationship to Jesus Christ.” And we discernmentalists know all about conspiracies. I immediately renew my pledge in the Truth War to conspire in our Truth doctrines against the unwashed masses. Well I’m off to yet again fight with another camp of apostates, the lamestream media and hairy mystics chanting with earth worshipping feminists but I leave you with one conspiratorial essential quote which helps us understand our relationship to misogyny Jesus even more:

This is the real danger. The very idea of Christian feminism has become a Trojan horse for theological liberalism. The popular “Christian” feminists, such as Rachel Held Evans and Sarah Bessey, are advocates for a host of theologically liberal positions ranging from pro-gay theology to denying Biblical inerrancy to advocating for alternative views of God the Father Himself to minimizing the atonement. It is not as if they are drawing on historic Biblical doctrine to ground equality. Rather, they begin with a modernist conception of “equality” and insist on reading that into the Bible. Christian feminism is not based on good exegesis, but eisegesis. It is not a Christianization of feminism, but a secularization of Christianity. And it gains traction, especially among younger Christians, because there is a biblical ideal of equality based on man and woman’s creation in the image of God (see Genesis 1:26-27). Yet like all doctrinal dangers and compromises, the truth is mixed with a great deal of error. And while Christian feminism starts with a true proposition, it quickly devolves into a host of false teachings, biblical distortions, and even heresies.

If Christian feminism were marked by biblical teaching on sex and gender roles, and didn’t have a host of doctrinal distortions smuggled in with it, then I would have no quarrel or qualm with it. If my compatriots in the Assemblies of God would exercise even a little discernment when quoting Christian feminists who actively deny AG doctrine, I would be less concerned. But instead advocacy of Christian feminism, especially among Millennials, is doctrinally uninformed, Biblically void, historically ignorant, philosophically incoherent, and naive in nearly every way.

Christian feminism is a Trojan horse. It will rot the religion in which it appears, destroying from within Christianity’s Biblical and historic teachings on God and man’s relationship to Him. I know this sounds alarmist and overblown. But the time to sound alarmist is decidedly BEFORE the barbarians are inside the gates. You sound the alarm before the trap is sprung, in hopes that you don’t get caught in the trap. On doctrinal issues, I want to alert people to the problem before they make a commitment to false teaching (Proverbs 12:13).

To anyone who objects especially liberal feminists… I reply….

617220c317633b9bbca84e20c171d42f0a093e96373a7413f9c466298f3f9261

 


Love wins people over to heresy!

April 4, 2011

Ladies, Gentleman, and Underlings,  we knew that the fallout from the Rob Bell heretical view of non-hell was going to undermine the truth of scripture and lead many astray (sorry for the lack of grammatical clarity but we are so upset over this news we can’t use punctuation properly) but never did we imagine the magnitude of   the fallout.  Nor did we imagine the swiftness in which the Devil was going to lead people astray.   Nor did we think that our leadership would fall.

What’s the big news?

Hold on to your phylacteries,  bathe in holy water, hide the eyes of the innocent, and prepare the millstones:  R.C. Sproul (a.k.a second in charge [behind John McArthur PBUH] of calvinist dogma doctrine) says GOD IS IN HELL!    I wish we could say that we are making this up,  we wish that we could say that there was some confusion of intent, we wish that we could say wait until the book comes out but we can’t.  The truth is that R.C. Sproul believes firmly that GOD IS IN HELL based on this excerpt from his upcoming book “The place of God’s Disfavor”.

The problem with hell is not simply the absence of God’s graciousness. It is the presence of God that is so difficult. God is present in hell because He is omnipresent. The psalmist declares, “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there” (Ps. 139:7-8). If God is everywhere in His being, then certainly He is in hell as much as He is anywhere else. The problem, then, is what He is doing there. He’s there in His judgment. He is there in His punitive wrath. He is present in hell as the One who executes His justice on those who are there. That’s why I say that anyone who is in hell would most want God, more than anyone else, to leave.

 

Rob Bell says there is no Hell.  R.C. Sproul says God is in Hell.  What next? God is Dead? Only God knows…well…and us.  After all we are discermentalists!


Your typical Emergent Village church service!

March 6, 2010

This is what happens at a typical Emergent Church service!  If you know what things happen at those couch and candle driven churches you would be shocked! You would never see anyone having fun in one of our churches! We make sure nothing like that would ever happen!


Followers declare John McArthur infallible!

January 24, 2010

 

Followers declare John McArthur infallible!

John MacArthur pointing out he is #1

(Lighthouse Fails news source) In a recent poll at Grace to You in which those that follow that ministry daily and even attend Grace Community Church where asked if they believed John MacArthur to ever be wrong. As they tabulated the votes, it was pointed out that 100% of those that were “true believers” and Elect stated that John MacArthur was never wrong! The rest of the votes were tossed out for suspect of being tainted by Emergent Village spies. John MacArthur celebrated by buying a new suit and handing out signed copies of his book, The Truth War and smiling in a recent Larry King interview and debate. Spurgeon, Luther, and Calvin were not available for comment. Yet we were able to contact I. Todyaso who heads the ever popular and extremely self righteous blog “The Online Discernmentalist Mafia” who stated, “Who would have thought otherwise?” and mentioned that the rumors of John MacArthur’s love for basketball has not set a lower standard for other ODMs.


Top Discernmentalist declares, “I like cookies!”

January 23, 2010

 

 

Top Discernmentalist declares, “I like cookies!”

 

While many cry, “Preference!” we true Discernmentalists know that what we prefer in our churches was handed down by God in the form of our Most Holy and Highest Doctrines. So, if one of our own discerns that cookies are good, and we can have them in our churches so we declare also, “I like cookies.”

 Yet, unlike those emerging couch churches with those RCC candles, we do not allow them in the sanctuary during our Holy Sanctified Services.

So now you can add cookies to the official lists that are approved by Discernmentalists which reads so far as:

 

  1. Pews instead of chairs. God forbids comfort in the form of couches or stackable chairs as those are part of the emerging and seeker/purpose driven churches.
  2. Pastors must wear suits and ties. Now as the Highn-endedness of Holiness states: “Look, our culture understands that if you wear a suit and a tie, the occasion is formal…the occasion is serious. There’s a certain dignity. I don’t think there’s anything more serious or more dignified than coming before the Lord in worship. Look, I wear a suit and a tie because I want to portray seriousness, dignity, certain sober mindedness. When you call people together for the purpose of worshiping God in the collective church and you’re going to open the Word of God and speak, that you need to maintain a decorum and a dignity and a respect that comes from looking like you treat this as a very, very special occasion.” (note that John MacArthur does not care about presentation or being relevant to any culture… he seriously only preaches the Gospel in his church!)
  3. There must not be candles (except if you are Lutheran)
  4. One must never observe Advent. (Unless you are Ingrid Schlueter or Slice of Laodicia)
  5. You must never cuss, (unless it makes a point or if you think it is funny, don’t worry we give grace to the “worthy” people”
  6. You must never use a contemporary example except once or twice a year. (Again, that is too much like emerging or purpose/seeker driven churches)
  7. You must preach through the Sermon on the Mount, but never, ever, ever let it sink into your heart. Tell people Jesus just means that stuff for after they die and go to heaven!
  8. Never ever read the bible in any way that is “spiritual” or think about what you are reading as that is called contemplation which is evil. We must never think while reading that is dangerous.
  9. Never use logic or reason to understand the bible as that does not allow the Holy Spirit to do His work. Likewise, it is too much like the early church practice of Christian Humanism who used logic and reason to approach and understand God.
  10. We proclaim that we must use logic and reason to approach and understand God. This looks like it contradicts #9 but if you do not think about it, it will not bother you!
  11. Pastors must only use John MacArthur as a source and no one else unless it is Rush Limbaugh, Dr. Laura, or Glen Beck. (We used to allow focus on the family, but no longer do!)
  12. Pastors or those who want to be pastor-like must quote Spurgeon and Calvin MORE than Jesus as Jesus tends to change people. God forbid that happens in OUR churches!

 

We will surely add more soon.


How to read incomprehensively.

December 9, 2009

 

Original idea taken from FreakingNews.com

How to read incomprehensively. When you read someone you are “discernmentalizing” follow these easy to use methods to make what that person said mean what YOU want them to say. This way the ODM you truly want to be will make anyone sound like a heretic.

For instance our great friend Eric Barger quotes Brian McLaren:

“For the first time, through the EASTERN JESUS, I began to have a glimpse of how Jesus could indeed be the Savior of not just a few individual humans but of the whole world.” – Brian McLaren, A Generous Orthodoxy, p.65

Note most people would read this and notice some clues that Brian is not negating individual salvation, but with a simple slight of hand the ODM that is as gifted as Eric Barger is can easily make this mean the opposite of what is really stated.

First what is Brian “really” saying… (This is top secret so please do no let anyone know that we can really read with comprehension) Brian uses word we ODM’s hate or rather love to overlook. Brian states “Jesus could indeed be the Savior of not just a few individual humans but of the whole world.” Well, if you just take out the word “just” you have the instant heretical statement. This is how you would read it through the ODM lens:

“For the first time, through the EASTERN (Hindu hookah smoking hippie) JESUS, I began to have a glimpse of how Jesus could indeed be the Savior of not just a few individual humans (or rather that God did not save humans) but of the whole world.” – Brian McLaren, A Generous Orthodoxy, p.65

As you can see with the ODM lens we now see what Brian is really saying. Let’s continue and you will see how this simple statement of how God not only saved humans but is also redeeming all creation morphs with this lens.

“For the first time, through following my own Marcus Borg inspired Jesus, I began to have a delusions of how Jesus could not be the Savior of individual humans but instead saved the whole world.”

Once again the layers keep coming off. Let’s try one more time.

“Follow Satan, Jesus did not die for you. Buy my books. I am delusional. Buy my books. Gee, N.T. Wright is smart. Don’t listen to Eric Barger.” — Brian McLaren, A Generous Orthodoxy, p.65

I hope now you can understand why it is so important you let the ODM’s read and filter all this stuff for you. We alone hold the keys to the kingdom of OUR DOCTRINE. So follow us and we will NEVER let you find the Jesus of Brian McLaren who is claimed to love the creation and want to liberate it from the curse of the fall.


%d bloggers like this: