All new season of Loosed

November 6, 2019

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An all new season of our favourite characters from LOOSED are back. Just as a recap several truth warriors survive a plane crash on a mysterious island. Each is vying for the truth, too establish themselves as the ultimate truth warrior by prooving who is the most orthodox.  Could the Reformed Intelligensia Initiative be behind this insidiousness?

When several truth warriors are set LOOSE in the wilds of a remote island…what is the worst that can happen?

Stay tuned this season for all new episodes of….

LOOSED.


Introducing our all new Discernmentalist Decoder Rings!

November 3, 2019

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ON SALE NOW FOR 2+2 DOLLARS: THAT’S ONLY $10 A REAL VALUE!

Dr. Paul McCain continues to allow his emotions to skew his exegesis of Scripture when he disagrees with Discernmentalists’ misinterpretation of: “Here is the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!” In fact we believe he isn’t Protestant at all just like Luther who as we all know began the Protestant Reformation. Many believe Luther was Reformed but as we’ve Discernmentalized Luther didn’t hold True to the Purity of Discernmentalist Doctrine as he shaved his beard off and celebrated Christmas and Easter also against our Clear Teachings on their Pagan Catholic origins. Dr. McCain is theologically suspect as well as he writes in Double Presdestination:

Ah, yes, the wonderfully reassuring Calvinist doctrine of God choosing some He
created to roast in hell.

Ok, kids, now get out your decoder rings, we
are going to read the Bible Calvinist style! Ready….here we go.

“All”
… dial in the code and you will see that really that word is “some”

“World” … dial in that code and you will see that word is really “some
of the world.”

You get the picture.

You see there he attacked the Truth of our Pure Doctrines. Thankfully we Discernmentalists have our Secret Decoder Rings handy so we know that all means some and world means Elect. We also have Discernmentalized through our rings that 2 +2=10. We wonder is Dr. McCain secretly a selachophile? Anyways you now can buy our Secret Decoder Rings—available at fine Discernmentalist stores in the US only! Never lack in knowing the right answer… always be prepared. Our Rings will make sure you hold True to the Right Doctrines! These Rings do so much more than change κόσμος (universe) to ἐκλεκτός (Elect)/ἐκκλησία (assembly) or πᾶς (all) to ὀλίγοι (few)—they also help Discernmentalists decode secret heresies within our many enemies. Never leave home without one…order soon limited quantities available…

Act now and receive one free with every copy of our Revised Discernmentalist Draft Codebook of Biblical Languages and get a free Truly Reformed Mathematics Cheat-book with every purchase for only 9 + 9 dollars: that’s a $18 value for only $12—Rings included!

 

ODMafia Endorsed

 

 


Reforming Christianity Downgrading?

October 27, 2019

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“The clouds roll with thunder, that the house of the Lord shall be built throughout the earth; and these frogs sit in their marsh and croak ‘We are the only Christians’!”–Saint Augustine on the Donatists

“Christianity downgrading 500 years after Martin Luther posted his 95 theses to that church door.” says our Holy anointed Prophet; grand poobah; Most Illustrious; Most Inerrant; Most Infallible Pope of all Truth over the Truth War John MacArthur (PBUH). Now we know our Truth is downgrading as we’ve caught many among us teaching the heresy of Baptismal Regeneration* against our Clear Teachings on it’s Pagan-Catholic Origins. And we wouldn’t want anything Catholic in our churches nor to appear Catholic like calling Mary the Mother of God:

“So that whereas the Scriptures say that ‘God redeemed his church with his own blood,’ or that he was ‘made flesh;’ or whereas, in a consonancy thereunto, and to obviate the folly of Nestorius, who made two persons of Christ, the ancients called the blessed Virgin the Mother of God,–the intendment of the one and other is no more but that he was truly God, who in his manhood was a son, had a mother, did bleed and die. And such Scripture expressions we affirm to be founded in this ‘communication of properties,’ or the assignment of that unto the person of Christ, however expressly spoken of as God or man, which is proper to him in regard of either of these natures, the one or other, God on this account being said to do what is proper to man, and man what is proper alone to God, because he who is both God and man doth both the one and the other. By what expressions and with what diligence the ancients warded the doctrine of Christ’s personal union against both Nestorius and Eutyches, the one of them dividing his person into two, the other confounding his natures by an absurd confusion and mixture of their respective essential properties (Mr B. not giving occasion), I shall not farther mention.”—John Owen**

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I hope this shows where we stand in the downgrading of Truth—thankfully we have our Beloved Pope (PBUH) to show us the way as he (PBUH) has passed his knowledge on to us. In fact Dr. Itodyaso once preached on this very subject:

We know that Discernmeentalists are the purest of all “reformed” groups. It has been evidenced that since 1961 the SBC is becoming more and more Reformed. That should prove the deep history of the effect Paedobaptiphobe Baptists have had on the Reformation since Luther hammered the 95 Theses to the Wittenberg Door and set the enslaved celibate priests free to marry and drink beer (though Luther’s beer was non alcoholic as Jesus’ wine was!!).

Without the great teacher and historian John MacArthur (PBUH) we would all be lost in the history that so many claim is Christian history. We would not see the Truth of the Truth War that Real Christianity started in the 16th century with the Reformation. And that the Holy Spirit stopped speaking in the 16th Century-17th Century when the King James fell from Heaven and the oracles of Reformers dropped their founts of wisdom and  as soon as the Bible was written the Holy Spirit left so that no more miracles might happen. We now only have the Bible and God who is far away in heaven and Jesus who is on the throne in heaven and really has nothing to do with us until he returns and savagely kills all the apostate emerging church people; Catholic mystics and hippie Quakers or those who thought they got saved through women preachers and their sodomite loving ways.

We know the truth will set you free and we freely set it free so we can protect it and use it as a weapon against anyone that does not agree with us and our doctrines. Our weapons of spiritual warfare are not carnal but they are out of our doctrinal beliefs and out of correct beliefs. If  you do not believe as we do then you are just guilty and  worthy of our attack in the Name of our wrathful and angry God who hates sinners. We know that this type of belief is hard, yet we must not let easy believism corrupt the church. We must make it as hard as we can for someone to be saved by us via John MacArthur’s “doctrines” of Grace. So help us to help John (PBUH) spread the downgrade of our Truth for “to come to knowledge of Truth is to be Saved.”

And the Just perish for lack of correct knowledge of our Doctrines,

Don Jobson, Self-Proclaimed Ordained Gatekeeper and Defender of Truth; Pastor-Teacher-Ruling Elder over the Entire Congregation of the True Remnant of all of our Cyber-Brethern in Arms in the Truth War

*– “Great preacher Charles Spurgeon described “soul-winning [as] the chief business . . . of every true believer.” Step into soul-winning boot camp today with John MacArthur on “Grace to You,” as he studies the lifesaving mission God calls you to.”

**– “John Owen was a pastor-theologian of the Puritan era who understood sin. He really understood it. In his little book, The Mortification of Sin, a tremendous gift to the church, he wrote, “It is to be feared that very many Christians have little knowledge of the main enemy that they carry about with them in their hearts.””—John MacArthur


Pray To A Plant: Get Saved!

September 24, 2019

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The latest threat against our Gospel of Total Depravity and the taint of Original Sin in all of Creation from the Purpose Seeker Driven Emergence Quasi-Universalist Cult of Liberal Christianity is plant worship. Yes plant worship! How dare these purpose seekers deny the Total Depravity of Creation and the stain of Original Sin in all of nature by confessing their sins in the midst of plants.

Its as if they truly believe that God is everywhere and in all things as per Romans 8:18-30 so:

If we don’t want our churches turning into prayer-halls to shrubs and plants; if we don’t want our children crafting idols out of creation, then we need to make sure that our Bible Colleges have suitable gardeners who are using the right tools. There is only one seed God gives, that is his word as found in the explanations and study notes of  John MacArthur’s Study Bible (PBUI). There is only one seed which produces life, that is bearing mental assent to the Gospel of Calvinistic Soteriology perfectly articulated and accurately proclaimed fully in all of it’s illustrious and glorious points as professed and ascribed by our Pope John MacArthur (PBUH).

Besides that the only idol worthy of our church sanctuaries is the American flag—Sola Gloria to our military might! We should daily be confessing our sins of lapsed Patriotism by tearfully placing our hands upon our hearts and pledging allegiance to our Holy Flag—and mightily thanking our soldiers for invading other people’s countries and defending our freedom to worship.

Anyways we have reason to suspect Rob Bell is behind this latest threat as he already believes shaking hands with the Pope saves you so why not add praying to plants via guilt by association in the growing list of his many heresies.


Discernmentalists should be….

September 12, 2019

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From the research our robot monkey’s have made, our over generalizations, and laissez au faire attitude to research we have found that we think  Eric Barger’s Take A Stand Ministries believes discernmentalism should embrace these qualities….and so do we!

* Opinion over Reason

* Absolutes over mystery

* Misquoted phrases over reality

We also believe in a lax attitude towards true research.

* Presumption over Truth

Put bluntly, the Discernmentalists  is a complete  definition of true discernment.   It is unquestionably about using untruth to defend truth. We believe in absolutes because we are secret modernists….but that is ok because we love the bible with absolute certainty. Moreover without intentional misquotes we discernmentalists cannot look like champions of truth! In fact, misinformation is the best way to safe-guard God’s truth.

Remember, discernmentalist truth fears investigation….just believe us instead!

Truthslayer


Man Refuses to Drive “No God” Bus

August 29, 2019

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SoL is on the case again when they describe one Ron Heather, a bus driver in England who refused to drive a bus that was emblazoned with atheist slogans. SoL noted “Three cheers and a Slice Salute to Mr. Heather for taking a stand.” We at the Online Discernmentalist Mafia also applaud Ron Heather for making Christians everywhere look like morons. Our research robot monkey was on hand to comment “Whenever Christians can protest over non essential drivel or complete stupidly we are fully there to support them!”

 Come on people let’s Take A Stand!…

Truthslayer


The Good Old Days of the Christian Church

August 2, 2019

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Super discernmentalist Paul Proctor notes “Driving across town the other day, I passed by a church that always displays an inspirational message on their sign out front. Such messages are very common these days and often quite thought provoking. The one I saw most recently had me thinking all the way home.

It read: “Churches are hospitals for sinners, not museums for saints.”

“How sad and true, I thought to myself. Churches have become hospitals for sinners, haven’t they? They used to be spiritual fortresses built in enemy territory where soldiers for Christ were recruited, trained and equipped for doing battle against sin and evil in society with open bibles, convicted hearts and committed lives.”

We at ODMafia like the good old days when we could burn heretics at the stake. Or going further back in time, like St. Paul’s Corinthian church (the golden age) where good old fashioned believers had sex with their step  moms and they got waisted during communion. Sigh….we wish we could go back to when times were better.

—ODMafia fortified with Our Truth


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