Love wins people over to heresy!

April 4, 2011

Ladies, Gentleman, and Underlings,  we knew that the fallout from the Rob Bell heretical view of non-hell was going to undermine the truth of scripture and lead many astray (sorry for the lack of grammatical clarity but we are so upset over this news we can’t use punctuation properly) but never did we imagine the magnitude of   the fallout.  Nor did we imagine the swiftness in which the Devil was going to lead people astray.   Nor did we think that our leadership would fall.

What’s the big news?

Hold on to your phylacteries,  bathe in holy water, hide the eyes of the innocent, and prepare the millstones:  R.C. Sproul (a.k.a second in charge [behind John McArthur PBUH] of calvinist dogma doctrine) says GOD IS IN HELL!    I wish we could say that we are making this up,  we wish that we could say that there was some confusion of intent, we wish that we could say wait until the book comes out but we can’t.  The truth is that R.C. Sproul believes firmly that GOD IS IN HELL based on this excerpt from his upcoming book “The place of God’s Disfavor”.

The problem with hell is not simply the absence of God’s graciousness. It is the presence of God that is so difficult. God is present in hell because He is omnipresent. The psalmist declares, “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there” (Ps. 139:7-8). If God is everywhere in His being, then certainly He is in hell as much as He is anywhere else. The problem, then, is what He is doing there. He’s there in His judgment. He is there in His punitive wrath. He is present in hell as the One who executes His justice on those who are there. That’s why I say that anyone who is in hell would most want God, more than anyone else, to leave.

 

Rob Bell says there is no Hell.  R.C. Sproul says God is in Hell.  What next? God is Dead? Only God knows…well…and us.  After all we are discermentalists!


How to dehorn an emergent

May 4, 2010


Dehorning an emergent is much like dehorning a cow

There are different methods from removing the horns, or dehorning, an emergent – the simplest being not letting your young fundamentalist be turned toward emerging. When this is not an option, you can now make a choice as to what method to use to dehorn an emergent.
Difficulty: Challenging
Instructions
Chemical Method of Dehorning
1. Step 1
Push back the hair that covers the horn bud on the young emergent.
2. Step 2
Use a brush to apply caustic potash or caustic soda to the horn buttons.
3. Step 3
Choose whether to have the hair fall back over the horn bud after applying the caustic, or clipping the hair back altogether. Some have found that the hair helps to keep the caustic in place, and prevents the caustic from irritating the older emergents.
4. Step 4
Avoid getting any of the caustic in the emergent’s eyes. Always wear gloves when applying the chemical. Wait for sunny days to apply the chemical on the emergent as rain can wash the chemicals from the horn buds.
Hot Iron Method of Dehorning
5. Step 1
Use a hot iron for dehorning an emergent if they are a little older. Also use anesthesia in conjunction with the iron, especially on the older emergents. Carefully check that the iron is working well before applying it to the emergent. A unit that is too hot can cause brain damage in the emergent which will also aid you in bringing them back to fundamentalism.
6. Step 2
Hold the hot iron against each horn bud for 10 to 15 seconds. A copper-colored ring will appear.
7. Step 3
Observe the emergent. After 4 to 6 weeks, the horn button will fall off.
Spoon or Tube of Dehorning
8. Step 1
Make sure you use the proper sized tube for the horn for dehorning. There are four sizes available. The tube should fit over the horn bud, as well as 1/8 inch of skin around the base of the horn bud.
9. Step 2
Place the cutting edge so that it is straight down over the horn bud.
10. Step 3
Twist and push the tube until you cut through the skin, then cut under the horn button and remove it.
11. Step 4
Apply an antiseptic to help prevent infection.
Barnes Method of Dehorning
12. Step 1
Fit the knives over the horns of the young emergent or older one by closing the handles of the Barnes-type dehorners. You will want to remove a ring of skin at the same time as the horn.
13. Step 2
Spread the handles apart as quickly as you can manage. This engages the knives, which cut off the horn.
14. Step 3
Make sure the blades are sharp before this procedure. Use anesthesia as well as make sure the emergent is properly restrained.
15. Step 4
Stop the bleeding by either using forceps to pull the artery, or a hot iron.

Yes, it is just that easy to dehorn an emergent.

Original article here


Pure soap for the pure discernmentalist!

March 18, 2010

Online Discernmentalists are always striving to be better than thy neighbour… and when we achieve that “betterness,” we like to point out just how good we are against how bad you are. That is why we bring you PUREX- Doctrinal Discernment Soap. It is the soap that is guaranteed to be the very purest for the connoisseur of discernmentalism.

No more fears with this product….

You can feel safe while washing your clothing because it will separate from pagans, non-Christians, liberals, Roman Catholics, Samaritans and emergents. This detergent prevents your clothing from mixing with the unclean! Guaranteed 100% Pure just like our doctrines.

Built in the ODMafia research & discernmentalist labs.

Truthslayer

PS for external use only


Under Attack!

March 16, 2010

Once again we are under attack.

How do we know? Good question…. here it goes….

All rulers in all ages have tried to impose a false view of the world upon their followers (1984). We’re offering you a “special worldview.” This allows us to propagate our pure doctrines, but being so pure we are often under attack. By keeping everyone focused on the errors of others, we can thwart any ideas that we harbour any ourselves. Online Discernment Ministries are sort of like a perpetual motion machine. This machine needs a lot of hot air (ie energy) to perpetuate itself. If we run our of errors, we run out of an excuse for a ministry.

That is why we assume we are ALWAYS under attack. That is our default. Our worldview revolves around us being right, and you being in horrendous error (always). We need to believe people are out to attack us, subvert our ministry or church….obviously because our doctrines are so pure that they are bound to be viciously undermined. We are the Online Discernment Remnant!!!!

Again. we need to spotlight all that is wrong in others, to avoid others seeing wrong in us. If we don’t promote fear and legalism, people are liable to take hold of God’s Grace.

Truthslayer


We must stand against Rick Warren’s PEACE plan!

January 28, 2010

 

Rick Warren showing us that the PEACE plan is only about himself!

Warren‘s PEACE Plan The ODMafia Analysis
1.Was: Plant churches  Changed to: Promote Reconciliation This is just another scheme to sell more books! (We wish we thought of it first!) We must stand against this as Rick plans to try to end “Spiritual emptiness” under the cruel and unbiblical idea of planting churches and preaching… Reconciliation! We hate that!
2. Equip servant leaders This is just another ploy to get rid of the priest laity division. Which is fine as that idea is “reformed” BUT! What Rick is really doing is taking away OUR jobs! Yes, he is trying to bring down the walls between the Forever-And-Righteous-Theologians and the peons that think they can just read the bible and understand without our help! How dare Rick Warren think he can equip anyone better than we can!
3. Assist the poor What the Hell for? They got themselves in that mess. If they were just committed to the Holy Economics of Capitalism then they would not be poor and be rich like me! The real issue is poor people riding the system and using my tax money to buy big screen TV’s and Wii’s!
4. Care for the sick And this… this is just a code for socialism… Rick Warren just wants to pass the Health Care bill so that we will be equal with Canada!
  Of course this means then that Rick Warren is for abortion if he supports Obama (the antichrist himself!) and the evil Health Care bill!
  This also means Rick Warren is trying to stop the spread of AIDS. How dare he go against God’s holy means of judging those homos!
5. Educate the next generation By educate Rick Warren means he wants me to pay for third world schools to educate those living there! This means our products we send there to have them make at a lower cost will now cost more! How can we keep Wal-Mart supplied with low cost (near slave labor) products
  This also means that Rick Warren wants women to be equal with men! How unbiblical is that! We have only a few exemptions like Ingrid of Slice, Deborah of DTW and Paula at her blog (is that even still up and going?)
By education, Rick Warren also means that I will have to stop driving my Hummer and drive a hybrid car!  

The final analysis is that Rick Warren has gone insane! His ego is only surpassed by our self righteous judgment of him! Be sure to send him a note telling him how he needs to stop this silliness before he embarrasses all of us True Christians!


Now a word from our sponsor, Rush Limbaugh!

January 22, 2010

 

First Rush Limbaugh brought us Oxycotin!

Now Rush Limbaugh brings you Super Viagra!

Now back to our regular scheduled programing!


Wear a tin foil hat for protection!

December 6, 2009

Are you afraid that liberals, emergents, moderate conservatives (ie secret covert liberals), are taking over the church that seeks to undermine the absolute truth?

Are you afraid that new ideas my infiltrate your mind and steer your away from Christo-fascism, consumerism or make you eager to be a minister of reconciliation, a peace-monger or care for the poor?

Are you afraid that  you may consider practicing the Roman Catholic like Lectio Divina?

Are you afraid of THE SHACK?

Are you afraid to contemplate Bible Verses because that is TOO close to contemplative spirituality?

We offer the TIN FOIL hat for protection. It is a limited time offer and you can get it now for $19.99. Order now and get a free set of steak knives normally priced at $199.99 but yours free with this offer.

Dial 1-800-FEAR-NOW

**A Truthslayer Guarantee**



Happy Helloween! Burn Those Heretics Next!

October 15, 2009

 

 

Happy Helloween! Next year forget the books and burn the heretics!

We are proud to state that Pastor Grizzard is an honorary graduate of ODMU!


(Name removed upon request) spreads rumors that heretic runs ODMafia!

August 24, 2009

 

 

n735656195_8063(Name removed upon request) aka “Pastorboy” demanded that CRninfo not use his real name at their site. Over the last few years “CRN’s (Name removed upon request), who is pastor of River of Life Alliance Church,” has begun to spread rumors that a heretic named “iggy” is secretly running the ODMafia. iggy is known for all sorts of foul and stenchful things he believes like Jesus is the only way of salvation, a person is save by Grace through faith not by works and that one can only receive eternal life through the Resurrected life of Jesus Christ. (Of course he can’t really believe that as he is a heretic after all!) (Name removed upon request) does write a convincing article though and we here at the ODMafia were almost convinced ourselves it was the real deal, yet we realized that (Name withheld by request) is also running a parody site of CRNinfo and analysis and is really giving them a run for their satire money! We had to laugh as we almost closed this blog down thinking the lie, libel slander humorous post was true! Thank God TruthSlayer put on his magical discernmentalist glasses and saw right through the satire/parody that (Name removed upon request) aka Pastorboy had written. What we found the most funny that with self righteous indignation (Name removed upon request) aka Pastorboy stated:

“Although he [iggy] has made a mockery of my desire to stay as private as possible on the internet, I forgive him.”

Thanks for the laugh (Name removed by request) aka Pastorboy sometimes we take ourselves too seriously here. WeLadyHuhFINAL are glad you have a sense of humor. I mean we all know that (Name removed upon request) aka Pastorboy would never get upset for someone using his real name on the internet. 

I mean (Name removed upon request) aka Pastorboy did not get angry when Ken Silva posted his full name and the name of his church at CRN. So why would he be hypocritical and get mad if someone else did the same thing? And most of all, (Name removed upon request) aka Pastorboy would always turn the other cheek. He would never try to get even now would he?

More on (name removed upon request) here.


(Name removed upon request) aka Pastorboy threatens lawsuit! Updated!

August 7, 2009

john chishamIn an act of Christian charity and brotherly love “CRN’s (Name removed upon request), who is pastor of River of Life Alliance Church,” threatened to sue the ODMafia in their support of… him. Yes, yesterday we posted how horrible it was that CRNinfo used his full name after at least two years of using it without one complaint.

To quote (Name removed upon request) aka Pastorboy again in his OWN WORDS:

I am asking you, if you are a brother in Christ, to take this post down.

If you are not a brother in Christ, and demonstrate it by keeping this post up, I will retain an attorney and I will be forced to sue you for slander.

But do what you will. I will continue to pray for you either way. You need help, Itodyaso/Iggy/Carlos

 

Again, we are nothing but supportive of (Name removed upon request) here. We are totally behind and supportive of (Name removed upon request) at this site. We will help you with the lawyer fees to go after whoever you want to sue even us with any donations sent to us in your name. I mean that is the ODM way! Sue people and get things done! Why would you or we attempt to reconcile with others and repent for the libel against others you and we have commit (Name removed upon request), as that would take humility from you and us and God knows that is not the ODM way. So do your version of “Christian brotherly love” and retain your lawyer and sue the ODMafia of slander  or whoever the Holy Spirit guides you to sue in the Name of Jesus. We again are nothing but supportive of you! (Though it would actually be libel and if there was really a case,  and we stated nothing untrue about you. We only reported what we saw you do yesterday.)

In other news, (Name removed upon request) aka Pastorboy twitter account can be found if you Google “(Name removed upon request)”. It appears in the top 5 of the list. Yes, (Name removed upon request) would never use his real name and “pastorboy” together and give away his real identity.


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