April 4, 2011
Ladies, Gentleman, and Underlings, we knew that the fallout from the Rob Bell heretical view of non-hell was going to undermine the truth of scripture and lead many astray (sorry for the lack of grammatical clarity but we are so upset over this news we can’t use punctuation properly) but never did we imagine the magnitude of the fallout. Nor did we imagine the swiftness in which the Devil was going to lead people astray. Nor did we think that our leadership would fall.
What’s the big news?
Hold on to your phylacteries, bathe in holy water, hide the eyes of the innocent, and prepare the millstones: R.C. Sproul (a.k.a second in charge [behind John McArthur PBUH] of calvinist
dogma doctrine) says GOD IS IN HELL! I wish we could say that we are making this up, we wish that we could say that there was some confusion of intent, we wish that we could say wait until the book comes out but we can’t. The truth is that R.C. Sproul believes firmly that GOD IS IN HELL based on this excerpt from his upcoming book “The place of God’s Disfavor”.
The problem with hell is not simply the absence of God’s graciousness. It is the presence of God that is so difficult. God is present in hell because He is omnipresent. The psalmist declares, “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there” (Ps. 139:7-8). If God is everywhere in His being, then certainly He is in hell as much as He is anywhere else. The problem, then, is what He is doing there. He’s there in His judgment. He is there in His punitive wrath. He is present in hell as the One who executes His justice on those who are there. That’s why I say that anyone who is in hell would most want God, more than anyone else, to leave.
Rob Bell says there is no Hell. R.C. Sproul says God is in Hell. What next? God is Dead? Only God knows…well…and us. After all we are discermentalists!
May 6, 2010
Returning to Slice of Laodicea’s earlier comment “James MacDonald, Brian McLaren, Doug Pagitt, Tony Campolo and all the other “Christian” leaders who have spoken glowingly of Barack Obama, I hope you are enjoying the sight of fresh human blood soaking America’s soil thanks to our groundbreaking President.”
We’d like to ask SoL a question since they “uphold” the sanctity of human life….
Where was SoL when the BUSH administration lied their way into wanton murder, destruction and an illegal invasion leaving a path of devastation of over 1 million people in Iraq???? That includes the unborn, new borns and children…….
Why the SILENCE????????????????????????
Once again as an expert discernmentalist ministry I must have had a momentary lapse of reason to ask such a fair and pointed question. I will NOT let that happen again rather I will stick to the script ie The American Discernmentalist Gospel. We need to remember that the unborn in America are important, but not in Iraq and Afghanistan where we need to make the world safe from….uhmmm whatever we are supposed to be safe from.
Truthslayer……supporting imperialism because its part of the true gospel!
September 29, 2009
Some Christians spend all their busy body time building each other up, they encourage one another….and base it all on flimsy texts like the ones in 1 Thes 5 “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”
or 1st Corinthians… “We know that all possess knowledge. Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know….“
We realize that if we spent all our time building up other ministries (or others!), spending time encouraging one another we would NOT have time for true discernment which would mean pointing out why Rick Warren, Bill Hybels, Ravi Zacharias, James MacDonald, Shane Claiborne, Rob Bell, Gregory Boyd, Brian McLaren and Dan Kimball and so many more are wrong, prone to error, false teachers, heretics and don’t know the bible near as well as us….
We encourage you today to discourage someone…anyone. Point out why their doctrine is error prone and that they need to repent and become a discernmentalist…or at least read our materials so that they will know how wrong they are.
Please don’t offer them a kind word!
Please don’t remind them of God’s grace (you want them to be wallow in guilt).
Let us know how you did….and report in any stories that could be pertinent to the TRUE ministry of non-encouragement.
Get going and discourage someone today!
July 20, 2009
I suspected something was in the water that was causing all this new heresy! Now I know what is going on. They are all drinking Emerge! If they were real Christians they would be drinking Kool Aid!
June 16, 2009
Eric Barger’s Take A Stand Ministries (TSM) using the specially made Bible Belt in Conjunction with their Bible Based Satellite (BS) have insightfully concluded that Rick Warren may be in league with the devil, or one of his colleagues who is frankly unbiblical or at least likes Obama. Thankfully the Online Discernmentalist Mafia is in an entirely different league all together (ie the little league).
Nevertheless Warren according to Team TSM has written a ‘love’ letter that finds common ground with Muslims. We at the Online Discernmentalist Mafia reject love letters, any commonality with our enemies, and sinners. We refuse to find any common ground…we do not have to due to our incredible truth insights. Just because St. Paul made the mistake of finding commonality with pagan sinners (or quoting from them) does NOT mean that we should stoop that low. We are above that.
We have come up with a solution for Eric Barger’s Take A Stand Ministries…and it should work for us too! The ODMafia is soooo truthy that we disdain the ground that the unrighteous walk on (ie most other Christian ministries, Christians, non-Christians and readers that disagree with us.) Because ODMafia is so bible based and embracing of absolute truth that we have invented a BIBLE BASED JET PACK so that we can avoid the ground that is polluted by people who like Rick Warren etc.(also Rob Bell, NT Wright, John Stott, Gregory Boyd and James MacDonald).
In addition, the Online Discernmentalist Mafia is officially against the ground from here on in…and groundless accusations (against us of course!!!!), or anyone who thinks that they stand on solid ground.
Thank-you Lord that we are NOT like those people, we fast, pray, tithe….we are generally swell.
June 10, 2009
As an expert discernmentalist I have exposed many cases of heresy and false teaching. I have listened and watched hundreds of thousands sermons (per second) carefully to detect any nuance of bad teaching (ie anything at all to safeguard your ears). I pounce on the slightest spoken word that I deduce as false teaching, or misleading remarks…. calling pastors “out” in public. I have read 245,004 books and found teaching that disqualifies 99% of all Christians as Christians.
….this includes Ravi Zacharias (who has spoken will of a man who embraces contemplation), John Stott (leans towards annihilationism), NT Wright, (Emergers like him) James MacDonald (spoke well of Obama), James Beverly (spoke at The Meeting House in Canada which makes him a communist sympathizer), Charles Swindoll (he once said darn!), Rob Bell (for his cool glasses), Gregory Boyd (he is an Open Theist and does not worship his country like he should) among others.
I have read 1.4 million articles (mostly my own articles) and cite them as a way to legitimize my own theology…I call that EXPERT discernmentalism.
Online Discernmentalist Ministries have been on guard for over a decade prowling the net to make sure that that we abide by theologically correct protocols and orthodoxy. That is the CALLING of most Bible Believers! It is a sad day when conventional heresy detection (pointing fingers) in real life is going the way of the VCR and now we rely on digital finger pointing….sad.
May 19, 2009
Big Cheese, Iowa (Reuters) – Getting world Online Discernmentalists leaders together for a Discernmentalist 20 summit photograph proved impossible on Thursday — despite two attempts. Discernmentalists spent their time arguing whether John Armstrong and John MacDonald were saved, while others were more interested in updating their eschatological charts and proving that the Seven Year Pre-Tribulation Rapture would occur Oct 7th 2010 at precisely 3:00 PM Eastern Standard Time. Two lesser know ODMs spent their valuable time explain that jeans were unbiblical yet had time for photographs.
Meanwhile, a second take was hastily scheduled. This time Eric Barger, and John MacArthur was conspicuous by their absence as they were busy proving that no true Christian could go to the same coffee shop as an Emergent church member. With many leaders on tight truth warrior schedules, there were no plans to try to make it third time lucky, officials said….due to their heavy discernment schedule.
April 18, 2009
The nano-copter has already gone through a number of different prototypes and test flights, but it looks like things have really started to come together with the last few models. One ODM spokesman was delighted with possible discernmentalist capabilities; “We can now spot sin from over a mile away or up to a few feet.”
In one indoor simulated mission, they believe that they can now prove for the next time whether James MacDonald really supports Obama. ODM spokesman notes “This time we will have a nano-copter right there just in case James MacDonald smiles, shakes Obama’s hand, or nods…”
The latest Discernment nano-copters will be running on an old Atari 800 platform with 64K and laser guided heresy interceptors.