Commies: The Musical!

July 2, 2010

 

Apostate Film Productions in conjunction with Walt Disney’s Red Letter Department presents Commies: The Musical—a musical of epic heretical anti-capitalist proportions set in a time when Communistic Socialist Justice was just reaching into the jugular of America’s heartland. This musical begins with a young Jim Wallis singing this number (The World Will Know) in the hopes of  getting America’s God-fearing youth to go on strike in protest against America’s God-ordained Capitalism

Counting the costs from the  riots that he incited Wallis gains a loyal band of followers including a young Tony Campolo. The plot really thickens when Wallis and Campolo encounter the heretical Social Gospel thought of Walter Rauschenbusch and both Wallis and Campolo begin thinking unbiblical thoughts about the Word of God which leads them to seriously ponder Jesus’ life and teachings. Soon Wallis and Campolo begin organizing and create the Red Letter Christian Union which seeks to ‘promote these evil unbiblical values such as peace, building strong families, the elimination of poverty, and other important social justice issues.’  In celebration of their Organized Union and their newly found Socialistic ideas Campolo pleads with the new Red Letter Christians to Seize The Day:

Somehow this song gains the attention of Brian McLaren as he dreams up a vision to unite Red Letter Christianity with his brand of Emergence Christianity. Jim Wallis and Tony Campolo catch wind of this idea and agree to meet with McLaren as they plan to unite in the theme of the Kingdom of God. Soon the Red Letter Christians and Emerging/Emergent Christians organize into an even bigger and stronger Union. Commies: The Musical ends with the whole cast singing a paen to their vision for a Communistic Kingdom of God to be unleashed upon the earth Once And For All:


Which Is The More Biblically Based Economic System?

May 18, 2010

 

Here is one of our fine and quality Biblically Based Discernmentalist Preparatory Tests:

Your official instructor Todd Friel, Wretched Instructor of I*segesis, Doctor of Fear-mongering and Misinformation will now instruct you on the pressing question of Biblically Based Economic Systems via video:

You heard your question of the day: Which is the more Biblically Based Economic System—Capitalism or Communism? You may now begin this quiz. Open Bibles are welcomed and encouraged. You may even call Brannon Howse or Jan Markell  for help. Good Luck!

Capitalism is the more Biblically Based Economic System? Check yes____ or check no ____.’

“‘Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy. — Ezekiel 16:49

14 The Pharisees, who loved money, heard all this and were sneering at Jesus. 15 He said to them, “You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of men, but God knows your hearts. What is highly valued among men is detestable in God’s sight. 16 “The Law and the Prophets were proclaimed until John. Since that time, the good news of the kingdom of God is being preached, and everyone is forcing his way into it. 17 It is easier for heaven and earth to disappear than for the least stroke of a pen to drop out of the Law. 19 “There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day. 20 At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores 21 and longing to eat what fell from the rich man’s table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores. 22 “The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham’s side. The rich man also died and was buried. 23 In hell, where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. 24 So he called to him, ‘Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.’ 25 “But Abraham replied, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. 26 And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been fixed, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.’ 27 “He answered, ‘Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my father’s house, 28 for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.’ 29 “Abraham replied, ‘They have Moses and the Prophets; let them listen to them.’ 30 “‘No, father Abraham,’ he said, ‘but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.’ 31 “He said to him, ‘If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.’ “ — Luke 16:14-17 and 19-31.

Then said Jesus unto his disciples, Verily I say unto you, That a rich man shall hardly enter into the kingdom of heaven. And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God. — Matthew 19:23-24, Mark 10:23-25

But woe unto you that are rich! for ye have received your consolation. — Luke 6:24

 Go to now, ye rich men, weep and howl for your miseries that shall come upon you. — James 5:1

Or communism is the more Biblically Based Economic System ? Check yes____ or check no ____.

The Fellowship of the Believers

 42They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. 44All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. 46Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”— Matthew 19:21.

 35 ” ‘If one of your countrymen becomes poor and is unable to support himself among you, help him as you would an alien or a temporary resident, so he can continue to live among you. 36 Do not take interest of any kind [a] from him, but fear your God, so that your countryman may continue to live among you. 37 You must not lend him money at interest or sell him food at a profit. 38 I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt to give you the land of Canaan and to be your God.— Leviticus 25: 35-38.

The Absolute Truth Biblical answer of course is Capitalism:

When Christianity adheres to the judicial specifics of the Bible, it produces free market capitalism.

On the other hand, when Christianity rejects the judicial specifics of the Bible, it produces socialism or some politically run hybrid “middle way” between capitalism and socialism, where politicians and bureaucrats make the big decisions about how people’s wealth will be allocated. Economic growth then slows or is reversed. Always.

John MacArthur even told us so—so just remember to vote like Us on this quiz because We are Always Right and then you’ll be all set to be qualified as a candidate for the position of a True Biblically-Based Discernmentalist just like Ken Silva and Eric Barger. If for some reason you don’t vote exactly like us most likely because you are an unrepentant unregenerate Emergent and Red-Letter Christian then we pray that you REPENT and get saved under John MacArthur approved teaching by believing Our Truth and by accepting the Gospel of Reagan that is if you really are a True Elect Republican Believer to begin with and therefore allowed to repent.


The Original Ten Commandments Recovered

May 15, 2010

Finally there’s a version of the Ten Commandments that True Discernmentalists can back…thanks to our Top Secret Agents who have been busy at work saving our Pure Bibles from Red Letter Christian bafoons who are out to destroy the Church with a Socialist False Gospel. Thankfully we have recoved the Ten Commandments from the corrupted liberal biased version which has crept into our Modern Bibles—so without further ado here are the Ten Commandments in their Pure Unadulterated Original Form:

I. “I am the Lord thy God; thou shalt have as many guns as possible before me.”

II. “Thou shalt not support socialist programs. They art evil in mine eyes. Thou shalt not believe any of that “meek inherit the earth” garbage later on! The meek should get jobs and stop living off welfare.”

III. “Thou shalt listen to Bill O’Reilly and keep him holy.”

IV. “Honor thy father and thy mother, especially if they are former presidents as you will inherit the job from them later.”

V. “Thou shalt kill Muslims. Let’s face it, they art all probably terrorists anyway.”

VI. “Thou shalt not utter the word torture. It is an abomination! Thou shalt refer to it as “harsh interrogation” or “just high spirits”. Thou shalt remember that water boarding and being stripped naked in a human pyramid buildeth character, so it’s all harmless fun.”

VII. “Thou shalt not care about the environment. Believe me, I’m God and I invented it and I can tell thee that it’s completely over rated and thou wilt not miss it when it’s gone.”

VIII. “Thou shalt not lead the nation into a war with false information unless thou art really sure Halliburton will profit from it.”

IX. “Thou shalt not teach children to use condoms or let gay people marry. And while thou art at it, thou shalt teach intelligent design in schools. Show both sides of the controversy”

X. “Thou shalt covet thy neighbor’s oil”

And remember Liberal Hunting Season has offically opened!


We support the New Conservative Bible

April 4, 2010

We are proud to sponsor the New Conservative Bible. In fact, here is an animation we truly feel is inspired by our DOCTRINES and God! This is how OUR Jesus would have acted like and taught.


United We Stand Against Social Justice!

March 21, 2010

We are not Ecumenical as Ecumenism compromises our Pure Doctrines and the True Gospel…. but…. United We Stand…in our diverse ways of  hatred. United we stand in bigotry and arrogance. United We stand in slandering and libel. United We stand in haughtiness. United We stand in Discernmentalism, greed and True Americanism…United We Stand as DUASJ (Discernmentalists United Against Social Justice).

We Know that Social Justice is evil. We Know that Social Justice is anti-American. We Know that Jesus never talked about Social Justice at all. We Know that Jesus only talked about buying a ticket to Heaven for the Elect and the Elect chosen and frozen few only as that is the Gospel. We also Know that Social Justice is a code word for Communism, Marxism and Socialism as Jan Markell explains:

The causes of the religious Left are exclusively social, socialism, and social justice (just another term for socialism.)  You can read about them on the various Web sites such as the National Council of Churches (NCC).  Some representatives are more extreme than others, but most are cozying up to “liberation theology,” various Marxist dictators, amnesty for illegals (also being promoted by the National Association of Evangelicals), socialized medicine, pacifism, opposition to welfare reform, and even a resistance to a missile shield for America!  Some of them even want a “truth commission” to examine U.S. war atrocities.  And for this crowd, “Obamacare” is a dream come true. As I write this, they are denouncing the few pro-life Democrats who could bring “Obamacare” to a halt.

We also Know that there is no such thing as Social Injustice and that the only social sins are homosexuality and abortion as Jan Markell further states:

And then there is Jim Wallis, who represents a ministry known as Sojourners. He’s a 1960s Communist who worked with the radical Students for a Democratic Society (SDS). He realized he had to moderate to the center and be a socialist as the years went by. He is making appearances on Christian college campuses and hitting it out of the park with his messages. His thrust is to get students to quit focusing on abortion and same-sex marriage and, start to think about “social justice” issues. 

 Discernmentalists, We must take a stand in our diverse ways of  hatred against Social Justice as Discernmentalists United Against Social Justice. Together we can make a difference in our diverse ways of fear-mongering so that we can halt the Communist menace that is out to destroy Our America, Our Gospel, Our Churches and Our Pure Doctrines.


Breaking News: George W. Bush Undergoes Exorcism

March 1, 2010

“The Power Of Christ Compels You!;” Pope Benedict XVI exorcizes George W. Bush. Photo Courtesy of  the Vatican Archives.

(Take A Stand News Reports)–After much outcry and the aftermath of when Brannon Howse first outed Former False President George W. Bush using these terms:

“I was one of the first conservative talk show hosts to refer to George W. Bush as a socialist and a globalist. Both parties are destroying our country.”

Sources close to the Former Bush Administration say that these charges brought major concerns for the image of the Administration and Inside Sources say that in fact Bush was possessed and inhabited by Red-Letter Christian demons—which seduced him into implementing “socialist and globalist” policies in order to taint the Pure Doctrines Of The American unBiblical Gospel Of Reaganism. These Sources corroborate their conspiracy theoriesnon-factual findings and painstakingly misresearched incriminating evidence to point to the case that Bush was possessed and in need of an exorcism based upon Bush’s interactions with Emerging/Emergent Church “leaders.”

Doug Parris in True Sedewhitehousist fashion  is on record as saying that “this is what happens when people don’t admit that the White House has in fact been vacant since Final President Ronald Reagan left the Office back in 1989 and that the White House since then has been occupied by False Presidents or Anti-Presidents.” (We of God’s Only Inerrant Party  are hoping to remedy this by running a Presidential ticket of Brannon Howse/David Barton in the near future so that we can return America back to it’s unBiblical roots of Absolute Theocracy, God and the Bible,  militarism and imperialism, military security, nationalism, patriotism, unregulated greed Capitalist Materialism Capitalism and Reaganolatry Ronald Reagan.)

Eric Barger reports that “things seem to have gone from bad to worse” so much so that Bush indeed had an Exorcism earlier this weekend to return him to the Reagan fold. Discernmentalists were hoping to get a Protestant exorcist in hopes of having a Pure Exorcism but none could be reached so the Pope had to do despite the clear teachings of Ken Silva against such. Discernmentalists are still waiting to see if the Exorcism did any good.


Help Us Fight The Red Menace!

January 12, 2010

Dear Dr. Jobson,

I want to know how I can help fight the Red Menace. I am sick of all these Red-Letter Christians trying to force me into charitable causes and handing over my hard-earned money that I worked for myself to help them alleviate poverty. I believe as the Bible plainly teaches that if the poor lazy bums of the world were intended to have money that God would have predestined them to be Elect, rich and Republican from the foundation of the world. Afterall, John 12:8 states: “For the poor always ye have with you.”

Sincerely,

Rich White Scrooge, born Elect Republican.

———————————————————————————————————

Dear Mr. Scrooge,

You are Absolutely Right—Red-Letter Christians are a menace to society. The nerve of some Christians exalting Jesus above Paul’s words as the  late GOIP  Discernmentalist Dr. D. James Kennedy use to say: “Christianity is not based on the teachings of Jesus.” We suggest that you help us Truth Warriors out by buying Jan Markell‘s “Truth Dollars” to aid in the fight against the Red Menace. Each “Truth Dollar” helps to support impoverished Truth Warriors on the front-line by equipping them with Absolute Truth facts from Eric Barger’s ONE OF EVERYTHING DISCERNMENTALIST SPECIAL! We hope that we have your support in helping our cause for the non-Jesus centered teaching of Reaganism and the Gospel of God’s wrath against the poor.

Sincerely,

Dr. Don Jobson, swindling, stealing, rallying for the cause of  Absolute Truth.


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