John Piper On The Southeastern Storm System

April 18, 2011

(Reuters)- In a meeting of Discernmentalists with John Piper about the storm system that ravaged areas of the Southeast this weekend, Mike Morrell quasi-Mystical Universalist Emergence Guru and his Emergent Cohort were mentioned often. In the meeting Piper said that he believes that Emergent Cohorts and Emergent Postmodern types of Christians among the South are directly responsible for all the damage caused by this storm system. He is quoted as saying: ” The storm system in the Southeast was a gentle but firm warning to Emergents and Mike Morrell’s Emergent Cohort in particular: Turn from the approval of the sin of Postmodernism. Turn from the promotion of behaviors that lead to destruction.”

Piper is under the firm conviction that the storm system was a wake-up call and a taste of God’s Wrath being poured out to punish Emergent sinners for reading Rob Bell’s new book.  Sometime during the meeting Ken Silva overheard John Piper say: “Farewell Mike Morrell!”  Along with Ken Silva, several other top Discernmentalists were among the participants of the meeting including I. Todyaso and Don Jobson of the Online Discernmentalist Mafia who have already taken issue with Morrell’s Roman Catholic leanings and Emergent theology.


Collect the new ODMafia Troll dolls!

March 14, 2011

We have finally found a way to honor all the trolls ODMs out in the WWW. Troll dolls are cute and fun to collect. Be sure to get them quick before they are gone!

Here is our special for today… the Ken Silva troll doll!

Collect them all! Pastorboy aka (name withheld by request!), and Chris Rosebrough and many others!

Love Wins?

March 1, 2011


             A Blog Post by some of the Research Robot Monkeys

                          of the Online Discernmentalist Mafia:

Recently the ultra-mega sinfully ecumenical quasi-semi-Pelagian reprobated and heretical Universalist Emergent guru Rob Bell broke into the OD Mafia Headquarters. “Ho ho;” he said, “I’ve got Good News for you today…Love Wins.”

Alarmed by the disturbance our masters and heroes Dr. I . Todyaso, Dr. Truthslayer and Dr. Don Jobson quickly withdrew their weapons. Now brandishing their bullhorns in the manner of Todd Friel—they began to shout down that vile and Wretched sinner Rob Bell. Our heroes the OD Mafia proclaimed the True Gospel—the good news of God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath and commendable hatred towards all those whose doctrines are impure and theology is incorrect.

All Rob Bell could say was “Love Wins…Love Wins…Love Wins…” Suddenly during the chaos Brian D. “amn your soul to hell” McLaren appeared in a mystical mist of confusion and grabbed the noble crew of the Online Discernmentalist Mafia and then disappeared. We haven’t seen or heard from either Dr. I . Todyaso, Dr. Truthslayer or Dr. Don Jobson ever since—although we suspect that those symbols of all that is evil in the world Rob Bell and Brian McLaren are holding them captive. The last thing we saw was Rob Bell driving off in a van laughing and calmly proclaiming that “Love Wins.”

P. S. If you see an Ice Cream Truck disguised as a traveling ministry with “Love Wins” painted on the side, please report the sighting to your nearest local Discernmentalist church.

            A. J. Research Robot Monkeys filling in for the OD Mafia

1 Hour Calvinizing guaranteed clean!

May 20, 2010

The ODMafia is now offering 1 hour Calvinizing to make sure you are clean before Jesus. Yes, make you Election sure with 1 hour Calvinizing!

What Biblically Verifiable Theology Looks Like

May 10, 2010

As True Christians and Discernmentalists, We must stand by our Absolute Biblical Truths like tearing others down when they stand in our way. Making fun of others when they are down in the dumps and kicking them even further is Absolutely Biblical. Using Absolute Biblical Certainty, We must stand up for these Hard Truths. Our Discernmentalist logic dictates that our theology must be Extreme by nature as our God is a very angry Sovereign God ready to pour down His Absolute Sovereign Wrath upon unsuspecting non-elected sinners at any time. Putting reprobates in their place is just part of our job as the Bible commands us to imitate our Father God in Heaven.

A video example of our Biblically verifiable theology.

We wish that crybaby reprobates would quit whining and complaining about their status as the losers of God’s Sovereign lottery of pre-determined Absolute Fatalism. God can and does get what He wants  as is His Sovereign Will and His good pleasure decrees so suck it up if you are on the losing end of God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath as it was just Fate that you were Born to Lose. All of this is Biblically verifiable theology as We back up our Extreme Theology with the Hard Truths of the Bible and Bible-Based STRETCH Technology. This is why our Extreme approach to everything works and why We must take a stand against those trying to water down theology with love as you can’t save anyone by loving up on them. You’ve got to tell them the Truth like John MacArthur—the Hard Truth that God hates them and is so angry with their sinful ways that He could threaten to pour down His wrath upon them at any moment unless they are Elect and therefore able to repent.

New Discernmentalist Products For Females

April 19, 2010

We Know no woman is complete without a man. This is an Absolute Inerrant Biblical Truth. Why? We don’t even have to tell you, because God said it in the Holy Inerrant and Infallible Bible so that settles it. That is the final answer—end of debate—end of discussion. We have the  Absolute Truth of all things all figured out like that—all wrapped up in a nice little black leather package with a red ribbon attached—but just in case you wish to try and debate us (though you will fail because God is truly on our side), we have these fine new Quality Discernmentalist media products for you and the women in your life:

Women need a man because the word man is in the word woman. Guys, having trouble convincing women that they need you because it is God’s Plan for you to control them? Women, do you think you can scrape  by trusting on your own merits and therefore living in the sin that you can be saved by your own works (I Timothy 2:15)? Having trouble finding a truly Biblical and Discernmentalist husband? Never fear we have created this video guide for the proper education of women’s Bible-based role  of being a man’s property.  Introducing The Discernmentalist Guide For Females On Finding A Biblically Correct And Discernmentalist Husband from the creators of  Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Discernmentalist?:

Men already have a wife—well now you need to show her her proper Bible-Based role as your slave. Women already landed a husband—well now you need to know him as your master and overlord (Ephesians 5:22-24 and  I Timothy 2:9-15). Take the next step with our Discernmentalist Guide For Females On Their Proper  Biblical Role As Their Husband’s Slave And Property:

But wait there is more—for futher steps go to Discernmentalist Tube.

Brannon Howse discusses with Jan Markell this VERY BIG question

April 14, 2010

Worldview Matters with Brannon Howse discusses with Jan Markell this VERY BIG question…..are you ready????

Why is “John Piper inviting Rick Warren to speak at his national conference. Why would John Piper do this?”


How could Piper lower himself to speak to someone who does not have the IDENTICAL DOCTRINES as he has? We know that Rick Warren is secretly planning to build the NEW WORLD ORDER. We know that Rick Warren has a heart for the poor (which we know means that he is an out of the closet liberal). So why would Piper submit himself to a get together with Warren?

We suggest that Piper should have gotten PERMISSION first from the BRANNON HOWSE SOCIETY of PERFECT DOCTRINE. Then, with a special permission slip, BRANNON HOWSE could have officially rejected this offer barring Piper from speaking to the horrendous Rick Warren who is destroying the western world as we know it. Therefore we would not be dealing with this tough, thought wrenching, perplexing, deep pondering of  “WHY”


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