Rick Warren’s Newest Sinister Plot Discovered

April 20, 2010

Rick Warren plans to unleash Purpose Driven Baseball upon the world. Oh the sheer horror! We Know that like life baseball should be kept as Purposeless as humanly possible. John MacArthur teaches this essential Absolute Biblical Truth when he says:

People have to understand that salvation is not being delivered from bad feelings or the lack of self-esteem or and unimportant life or a purpose-less life or a less than fulfillment. Salvation is deliverance from the eternal wrath of God and everlasting Hell. You have got to get the message right. First of all as to the condition of the sinner and the remedy also in Christ.

We agree that the purpose driven life has no gospel in it as God doesn’t have a plan or purpose for your life. Todd Friel  adds:

God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life. No, God does not love you and does not have a wonderful plan for your life. The only promises for the convert are trials, temptation and persecution. If that is how you define a wonderful life, fine. Otherwise we must command all men everywhere to repent and trust.

This is why we must take a stand in God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath against Rick Warren’s hideous plans for Purpose Driven Baseball:

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Baptist Pastor Calls Calvinists “Grace-hating Man-loving Man-exalting Semi-Pelagian Arminian Heretics!”

February 20, 2010

Our Research Robot Monkeys have been working day and night lately so it seems. Just last night they stumbled upon horrid information which concerns us—here is a disturbing quote made by a “so-called” Baptist pastor:

There is a tendency in most of our churches to accept almost any “decision” as a real conversion, without even asking a basic question or two from the person who makes such a “decision.” They are instantly baptized with no questions asked. This method has filled our churches with unconverted people by the millions.

As a direct result of the failure of “decisionism,” a new interest in Calvinism has arisen. Calvinism is the fastest growing movement today among Baptists and other evangelicals. But while the new Calvinism theoretically explains the reason for the failure of “decisionism,” at least so far, it has not cured “decisionism.” Why? Because modern Calvinism has only explained conversion theoretically. It has not adequately applied the doctrines of total depravity and grace. Therefore, almost anyone who mentally agrees with its basic doctrines is quickly proclaimed converted and taken into the church without actually going through the experience of conversion outlined by Spurgeon in the quotation I just gave. As a result modern Calvinism explains the errors of “decisionism,” but does not cure them. In fact, the mere assent to, and belief in, the doctrines of Calvinism have become little more than a new form of “decisionism,” in a subtler form. The man who makes a “decision” to believe the doctrines is proclaimed saved! If he can explain the Calvinistic “doctrines of grace” he is accepted into the church with no questions asked about his own experience of conversion. Thus, thousands learn to explain the meaning of TULIP, and are, upon the ability to explain these doctrines, pronounced converted and taken into the churches. Therefore modern Calvinism has in no instance been connected in any way with true revival and is, in fact, little better than the average solid “decisionist” churches.

Notice that I am not speaking either for or against the doctrines they teach. I am simply saying that belief in doctrines, even true doctrines, is a mental form of “decisionism.” When you “decide” to believe the doctrines you are considered saved. This, in my view, is the weakness and error of modern Calvinism. Why? Because conversion is far more than a simple mental agreement with a list of doctrines, even true doctrines. Thus, modern Calvinism has tended to produce nothing adequate to actually cure the error of “decisionism” that has weakened our churches and filled them with so many lost souls. In fact, most of the modern Calvinists I have spoken with are still unconverted themselves. For the most part they are resting in what the older Calvinists of centuries past would call a “false hope” – the false hope that belief in correct doctrine is the equivalent of true conversion. But “doctrinal belief” is not true conversion. If the modern Calvinistic movement realizes that, and applies their doctrines, they might very well see many real conversions, and perhaps even true revival. But they must discover again the old methods of evangelism and preach “the old truths” to the unconverted Calvinists in their own congregations, or else, in spite of their doctrinal belief in Calvinism, I fear that many modern Calvinists will go into “the fire that never shall be quenched. Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched” (Mark 9:43-44).

You see there—he just called our Pure Doctrines “Grace-hating Man-loving Man-exalting Semi-Pelagian Heresy”  by saying that:

the doctrines of Calvinism have become little more than a new form of “decisionism,” in a subtler form. The man who makes a “decision” to believe the doctrines is proclaimed saved! If he can explain the Calvinistic “doctrines of grace” he is accepted into the church with no questions asked about his own experience of conversion. Thus, thousands learn to explain the meaning of TULIP, and are, upon the ability to explain these doctrines, pronounced converted and taken into the churches.

As  we all know Decisionism is nothing but  “Grace-hating Man-loving Man-exalting Semi-Pelagian Heresy” aka Free-Willing Arminianism and as we also know Pure Doctrines always produce True Converts. Spurgeon would have a heart-attack if he were alive today to witness such a “Downgrade” against Pure Doctrines. We also know that Calvinism and Decisionism are oxymorons as Calvinism aka the Doctrines of Grace aka the Pure and True Gospel of God’s Grace has nothing to do with exercising Free Will to make a decision about anything as God has already made all decisions from the foundation of the world by an unchangeable Absolute Decree. Arminians attack God’s Absolute Sovereignty which is evil in and of itself but it is even more evil to attack the Absolute Sovereignty of our Pure Doctines. Sharin’ Whiplash‘s evil twin Witless Sharon upon hearing  Dr. R. L. Hymers, Jr.’s teachings against our Sound Doctrines responded with this attack:

One of my all-time heroes of the faith. What a great man, and greatly used of God. Thank You, Lord, for Your servant, Dr. R. L. Hymers, Jr, without whom we would be still struggling in the darkness of Romanist Genevan Papist Calvinism, that man-exalting heresy.

Clearly this proves how heretical Baptists truly are even Reformed Baptists as Reformed and Baptist are oxymorons since Baptists were never Truly Reformed to begin with. We ask you this Discernmentalists—did you make a decision by exercise of Free Will to become a Calvinist or be a disciple of the Pure Doctrines of Grace and if so we would like to know when and at what time? Also did you freely choose to be Calvinist either by reading TULIP into the Bible apart from a prior reading of Calvin’s Institutes of the Christian Religion or hearsay from others or by making a “decision” to believe the Pure Doctrines of Grace after hearing a Calvinistic sermon preached? See how errant Dr. R. L. Hymers, Jr.’s teachings against our Sound Doctrines are—We Know because  we told you so.

P. S. On a serious note we recommend these excellent resources on Calvin and Calvinism: The Many Faces of John CalvinThe Unaccommodated Calvin: Studies in the Foundation of a Theological Tradition , http://www.pcusa.org/today/index.htm, Elected to What ?!, How Meeting Real Christians from Different Traditions Makes a Real Difference and What is ‘Oasis’?.

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Evil Emergent Plot Uncovered

October 15, 2009

Ken Silva and the fine crew of God’s Only Inerrant Party have recently discovered a new sinister plot by those  Evil Emergents who are truly pagan and worship Satan. Here are the details that our GOIP Bot Searcher 3342 found on futher investigation:

AlanMoore_Baptist_children1

You see there—those Evil Emergents are plotting to sacrifice little Baptist children to Satan (and by Baptists we mean only those who follow the Pure Doctrines as preached by Spurgeon). They said that they were doing this in protest of our Halloweenie Heretic Book Burning Shindig.  If that isn’t Absolute Proof that Emergents are the Incarnation of Absolute Evil then here is futher proof: Emergents love Postmodern Philosophy. Jacques Derrida is a Postmodern Philosopher and the devil reads Derrida. Photographic evidence:

devderr

From this we can conclude that Postmodernism is of the devil—so therefore the Emergents are non-Elect and also of the devil, too.

Don Jobson—Taking A Stand on the Urgent Emergency of the Emergent Heresy.


Picture of Ken Silva emerges!

August 23, 2009

dark%20helmet2 Ken Silva who is Pastor President, and Pastor Teacher and founder of Apprising Ministries, CRN, and now also is Vice President and Associate Pastor and International Director of  Evangelism Explosion International as well has become a Dr in his spare time, has been able to keep his identity secret on the Internet for many years now.* Though we once thought we caught a glimpse of him, he was gone. Some say he looks sort of like Jon Voight yet these rumors cannot be confirmed or denied. Today, a picture of Ken Silva emerged on the internet which we thing was an evil plot devised by Tony Jones and Doug Pagitt. Fortunately we were able to intercept the picture and distort the image of Ken Silva in his secret lair. Ken, you can thank the ODMafia for keeping you secret identity from being known.

 

* Note there may be more than one Ken Silva listed together at the site linked to above, but Pastor/Leader/President/Teacher/Editor/Chief Editor/Internet Guru/My Affectionate Uncle/My  Mentor/Lord of the Ring/Lord of the Manor/Master of his Domain/Imperial Wizard/Grand Poupon/Master of Disaster/The One that puts the fun in Fundamentalist/Grand Master Discernmentalist/Mentored by Walter Martin by listening to cassette tapes/  is a very busy man so who really knows?


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