ReApprising Ministries notes: Art Garfunkel preaches Worldly Message to Lutherans!! as backed up by Christian Research Network! almost…sort of!!?!!

A keen-eyed (Ken-eyed) Discernmentalist pointed out to us that Art Garfunkel was observed preaching a Worldly Message at some Lutheran church. ReApprising Ministries the spiritual heirs of the late great Pastor-Teacher and our affectionate Uncle and mentor Ken Silva’s Apprising Ministries has issued a statement:

This time in which we find ourselves is one of rapid change, revisionist history and so-called “postmodernism.” Is it any wonder that people wonder what to believe, and even who they can trust? Today faithful believers in Christ face more and more pressure to be “politically correct” — which in the end is simply a mask for relativism. And while the nature of God, and the beautiful simplicity of His Gospel remain the same, the cornucopia of attacks leveled at our Lord’s Church by the enemy are increasingly fierce and constantly changing.

ReApprising has gone on to note that Art has stated: “I asked myself, does this rub against my Jewish background? I answered that if you sing you’re a little like an actor wearing various hats. I’m wearing a hat of respect for the Christian tradition.” (You see there he admits he’s a pretend Christian).

The Christian Research Network also of our late great affectionate Uncle Pastor-Teacher goes on: “Before we move on we must add a word of caution from blogger and author Tim Challies.  Speaking on discernment in “How can I increase my spiritual discernment?” he wrote:

Some have mistakenly defined spiritual discernment as a God-given awareness of evil or good spiritual presences—the ability to tell if a demon is in the room. While some people may possess this capability, it is not the biblical meaning of discernment. Spiritual discernment ultimately has to do with wisdom and the ability to distinguish truth from error.

Finally we leave you with one final quote: “…that Lutherans would want to encourage mystic practices that were part of the Counter Reformation, and which are the antithesis of Luther’s correct emphasis on Sola Scriptura, is further evidence that evangelicalism is likely as apostate now as Rome was when Luther stood hammer in hand.”

This is just one more example of how Reforming Christianity is Downgrading?

Breaking: Unbiblical Cereal Persecuting Discernmentalists!

We all belong together. So for the first time in history, our famous mascots and cereals are offered exclusively together in the same box for All Together Cereal. It’s a symbol of acceptance no matter how you look, where you’re from or who you love.

Oh the horror is there any object that doesn’t offend us or persecute us! This is worse than when fictional cartoon rats got ghey-married causing hetero-marriages to fail by osmosis! Noted Discernmentlist Ken Ham declared: “We are not “All together,” as the lifestyle/worldview of these fictional cereal mascots is anti-God, anti-biblical & anti-science and consists of only a small minority in the culture.” As my co-Truthwarrior Dr. Truthslayer has pointed out: “We demand that this cereal be stopped!!! We can only guess that some time soon they will introduce whole grain oats, barley, and maize to this liberal mix. Its processed whole-wheat or nothing!!!”

In fact we know this as one Kellogian stated: “Just think now KIDS might get the idea to buy 6 separate boxes of cereal, and mix them up on their own! Kellog’s is now working for the Devil! No more Kelloggs! They are evil, because any of their cereals might get mixed!!! Leading kids to proclaim: Hail Satan!” If this doesn’t make clear how unbiblical and apostate this cereal really is—consider this—our Research Robot Monkeys overheard this apostate cereal saying:

“Black, white, green, red
Can I take my friend to bed?
Pink, brown, yellow, orange, and blue
I love you”

We only wish that more inanimate objects; fictional characters; even animals would hold true to our morals; Doctrines and worldview. We have one word of caution—if you see this cereal in stores…flee!

To counteract this assault on our Truth—we recommend a daily dose of Calvin Crunch; Reformation Crunch; Truth Loops; Catacomb; and Christo-Fascist Flakes for a more Biblically-sound all around healthy breakfast and extra-protection from wetness!

Pulpit calls Truce with ODMafia!

Breaking: While you were sleeping peacefully last night safe and protected by our Sound Doctrines in your warm beds—late last night ODMafia spies broke into Planned Pulpithood’s bunker and forced them to agree to a ceasefire of firing their missives at us and agree to ODMafia’s peace terms. However Pulpit promises to let the ODMafia continue subtly firing off our weapons of Massive destruction at them since the ODMafia helped crack the secret code of one of Pulpit’s enemies because our discernmentalism is of higher quality than anyone else’s.

Dr. Truthslayer utilizing Eric Barger’s Smocking Gun Technology on our Research Robot Monkeys once again has totally demolished Servus Christi with only one screencap rather than two by slicing letters and rearranging them until we were apprised of their secret meaning:

That’s how much better at discernmentalism we are than anyone else—we exposed Servus Christi’s ties to the heretical Servetus before anyone else. On a related note we have reason to suspect Servus Christi as the one who made up the sinisterly globalist quasi-universalist sinfully-ecumenical quote exposing them in one of our latest Massives.

Now Offering Our All New Apoolajetix Course!

Pomotivator from the once mighty Hugh Jass Spurgeon site of Phil Johnson—now gone just like his Hugh Jass though he still is a Hugh Jass every now and then. *

 

Reliving our glory days of the Truth War—Dr. I. Todyaso is proud to introduce our newest old course on apologetics aka Apoolajetix to help aid new and future Truth Warriors/Discernmentalists in their Researchmentalism in the defense of our fragile Pure Doctrines that are always under attack and in need of being defended by us:

Pooling together our ignorance from around the web via Eric Barger’s Bible-Based Satellite System (BS) and Stretch Technology we can find the Answers In Genesis to all the problems we need to Take A Stand on with our Pulpit & Pen. Helping us Slice any truth to fit our narrative in our Battle 4 Truth that we’ve already presupposed to be true and need to be Apprising everyone of.  We must Stand Up For our The Truth and always be Defending (and) Contending for this truth using our Christian Research Network of True Bible Believers —who help spread our Doctrines via Lighthouse Trails and our seminars at Wordview Weekend through the administration of our annual Worldview Tests/Checkups.

We need to be Pyromaniacs for our truth but without Charisma just like any real Christian Apologetics and Research Ministry —we should follow the Way Of The Master that leads to Living Waters like Ray Comfort Hell’s Best Kept Secret instead of doing real research as real research leads to unWretched ideas. One of these ideas is forming a Gospel Coalition around Social Justice and social issues like ending hunger and poverty alleviation —pure blasphemy as the only real social issue that one Desiring God should care about is that we Abolish Human Abortion  just like our Angry Sovereign God desires.

This will help us be Rapture Ready—for Jesus Is Savior of the American Vision of Gary North and Thomas DiLorenzo which is the same as ours and helps us to Act for America by our Stand With Israel and being WallBuilders to protect our beliefs from the same government that we use to spread our Doctrines. Also remember to only get your news from Fox News; Breitbart; World Net Daily or any other Conservative approved (except for Libertarian) news source and remember to listen to Rush Limbaugh; Info Wars and Michael Savage on the radio everyday and like Eric Metaxas and Dinesh D’Souza read our Most Biblical and Godly President’s Tweets everyday as well in order to keep our Doctrines as Pure as the Puritan Hard Drive for we all know that we discernmentalists are really the Alpha & Omega of our own truth.

However you should never under any circumstances go to sites such as Scott McKnight’s; Warren Throckmorton’s;  David Gushee’s or Christ And Pop Culture nor any other site that discernmentalists have Quall(ed)Out and disapproved of as that might lead to the Bible Gateway into biblical scholarship  or worse you  may discover Catholic Answers instead of ones approved by us—besides everyone knows we discermentalists like to avoid the Bible especially Act(s)3 as much as possible whenever a Spurgeon quote will suffice like most of the online followers of Grace To You  believe.

This our subservient students is the secret to defending our fragile hard doctrines of True Biblical Christianity that is our Extreme Theology of Monergism wedded with Ayn Rand’s Objectivism (the only Conservative approved Libertarian/Independent thinker besides those who support Theocracy like the Constitution Party—despite her views on abortion and her not believing in our angry Sovereign Grace-filled God of wrath) which  are always being perverted; always under attack by our many enemies and always in need of defense by us.

————–

Drs. I. Todyaso; Truthslayer and Don Jobson—Doctors of Apoolajetix

*Phil’s Hugh Jass Pomotivators

An unrelated post from our past related to this one: Brian McLaren declares the Kingdom of God is here and now!

Red Alert!!! We’re Under Attack…. once again by One of Our Own!

We are sad to announce that part 2 of Dr. Truthslayer’s series on When Discernment Becomes Extra Ugly  scheduled for today is postponed until further notice as once again and as always our Pure Doctrines of our most Holy most inerrant illustrious Pope of our Truth War (PBUH) have come under attack. One of our very own— Pulpit & Pen have fired off a salvo against the Online Discernmentalist Mafia community due to our recent Massives on the truth about Heresy-Hunting and defamation of characters the Reformation. Pulpit & Pen have threatened to demolish our Truth Bunker with their missives (which aren’t nearly as Pure in their Truth and Doctrine as our Massives). Thankfully though our Truth Bunker is super secret so wasn’t hit and none of us were harmed.

Quote from one of their missives in which they slander the blessed memory of our late great affectionate Uncle Pastor-Teacher who taught us everything we know about discernmentalism:

 I firmly believe that “guilt by association” (as known as the Doctrine of Godly Separation) is a Biblical concept found throughout both the Old and New Testaments, and anyone who says otherwise needs to read their Bible. However, guilt-by-association cannot be applied ad infinitum. …The late Ken Silva’s Apprising Ministries, who recommended…Justin Peters (but not) John MacArthur… Justin Peters is bad for (not) recommending John MacArthur, (but instead is) recommending Albert Mohler, who is bad for recommending (ostensibly) Rick Warren.

Everyone knows that Ken would never under any circumstances recommend Purpose-Driven Heretic Rick Warren even by guilt of association as the late Ken Silva (blessed be his memory) passed on his Clear Teachings to us which are the same as our Clear Teachings. Also Ken himself in his glorious missives taught us to use guilt by association ad infinitum and an attack on Ken’s Clear Teachings is an attack on the Clear Teachings of our Pure Doctrines of our Pope of the Truth War (PBUH) and therefore an attack on us personally. Also everyone knows that John MacArthur (PBUH) is the only True living Teacher of God’s Word who said this about Baptism which is consistent with our Clear Teachings on Baptism so he would never violate the Purity of our Doctrine of Godly Separation and associate with an infant sprinkling heretic:

We understand what believer’s baptism is from Scripture.

But there’s a world of people who don’t get it, who don’t understand it. And there are people who don’t know that it is important and who don’t think the methodology is important, or even the time when a person is baptized. There are folks who are just plain confused about baptism, what is its method, and what is its meaning, and in particular, what about the baptizing of infants, which is how you get a world full of non-Christians who have been baptized as infants.

Infant baptism is not baptism…it’s not New Testament baptism. This may surprise you, it’s nothing, it’s totally meaningless. Well you might have got emotional when you took your little child in there ‘cause you love your little child and you hope the best for him, or her. But as far as the spiritual condition of that child, it had absolutely no effect whatsoever. Infant baptism is not in the Bible, it is not New Testament baptism. And this is an uncontestable fact because when you do go in to the Bible in the New Testament and you talk about baptism and you study baptism, it is absolutely crystal clear what baptism is. The only people who are ever baptized in the New Testament are people who have come to faith in Christ. And baptism is always immersing them in water, it is never sprinkling water on their heads from a tiny little fountain.

And as everyone knows no True Truth Warrior would do anything that is not contained in the Bible as we are all Conservative  Bible-believing folks—and all Bible-believers everywhere agree with JMac’s Truth (PBUI) otherwise they are enemies of our Truth in the Truth War. Quote: “Obedience simply means to submit to what the Lord says, do what He tells you.  And what He tells you is revealed in Scripture.” This is why we ODMs always have to hide out in our Truth Bunker to keep our fragile Hard Doctrines which always need protecting purified and safe from all manners of sinfully ecumenical worldliness and hereticalness—in  fact we hide out in separate rooms in our bunker to perfect the purity of our Pure Doctrine of separation as well. Also we may only be a congregation of 3 separate people with an occasional 4th or 5th member but that just proves how much purer our Doctrine of separation is than anyone else’s as we follow the late Ken Silva’s Church Growth model of Ecumenical jihad dividing the church.

Holding all to be separated in our Doctrine,

Don Jobson

Recovered From Our Archives: Ken Silva’s Final Songs!

A new gem rediscovered from our super secret archives—the long lost soundtrack of the late Ken Silva’s long lost final film: SILVA BULLET. Also discovered among our files a newspaper clipping dated from 2013 describing part of the production of this album—quote: “Online Discernmentalist Post: Ken Silva  Rewrites Billy Ray Cyrus Song — In a surprise turn of events the CEO of  Apprising Ministries Fame is re-writing a Billy Ray Cyrus song (Achy Breaky Heart) with new lyrics. Rumors are its for an upcoming untitled to be announced film project he has in the works. Inside sources say he has already finished the script.”

On its rediscovery I have to say: “Color us apprised! This is one of the greatest discermentalist soundtracks I’ve ever heard!” My fellow Discernmentalists I. Todyaso and Don Jobson both agree! Both hit singles are featured on the soundtrack which are the aforementioned rewritten Billy Ray Cyrus song:

1- ‘ Achy Breaky Truth’:

“But don’t challenge my truth, my achy breaky truth

I just don’t think I’d understand

And if you tell the truth, my achy breaky truth

I might blow up and ban this man

You can tell your pa I discerned Rob Bell in Arkansas

Or you can tell Rick Warren he has erred and misinformed

Or tell your brother Cliff whose immoral cause he smoked a spliff

He never really liked me anyway

Oh I get my discernment from Slice, the tone is not always nice

Myself already knows that I’m okay

Oh you can tell my eyes that I have a lot of spies

On Emergent and their like, I wish they’d fly a kite”

And 2- a rewritten version of a Terry Jacks’ song ‘Seasons In The Sun’ now ‘Seasons In The Son’ from which the tagline of the film is derived:

We had no joy because we didn’t believe in fun

For we spent our days discerning werewolfy Emergents

Rome-ing around in our seasons in the Son

Though now they may laugh soon they’ll cry

When my Silva bullet makes them thoroughly apprised

For I’m doing the Lord’s work of exposing

And discerning all in my seasons in the Son

—Sony Records hopes to release a remake of this Soundtrack on iTunes some time in the Fall. This album is backed by 100% of discernmentalists…. Truthslayer approved… ODMafia endorsed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Silva Bullet!

Introducing the long lost last film to star our dearly departed affectionate Uncle and Pastor-Teacher the ever-Apprising Ken Silva: SILVA BULLET.  A Aperising Pictures  Production of Apprising Films recently relocated—found safely hidden within our super secret archives deep within the bowels of our secret lair: the Truth Bunker.  Now newly remastered with help from GOIP Productions and including a special Anime version of Ken’s life and commentary by our very own Dr. I. Todyaso.

Tagline: “You’ll laugh…you’ll cry…you’ll be thoroughly “Apprised!” 

Summary— SILVA BULLET begins with our hero Uncle Pure Teacher (Ken Silva) having to discernmentalize between two emerging werewolf cases. Now  there are two categories of emerging werewolf cases; ‘false’ or Emerging Disorder cases and Genuine emerging cases:

• Emerging Disorder is a mental condition in which the subject (called Emergent) believes that he or she is a emerging Christian. The subject does not actually change shape, but is nevertheless capable of being as dangerous as an actual werewolf. Most cases of supposed werewolfry are really the works of emerging victims.
• Emerging TO BEAST In real werewolves a physical change to wolf form does occur. The change can be voluntary (at will), or can be forced by certain cycles of post-modernistic beliefs and certain songs (ie not ones approved by Apprising Ministries).
• WEREWOLVES & EMERGING Werewolves are immune from Apprising Ministries and from most physical diseases due to the constant regeneration of their physical tissue. They can, therefore, be virtually immortal. However, they can be killed by a “Silva Bullet” carefully aimed at an Emerging Church member’s heart.

Non-emerging werewolves who have been mistaken for Emerging (ie Rob Bell) are said also to be immune to most physical diseases. It is suspected though that Rick Warren could be a vampire however, thanks to our discernmentalism we do not need hard evidence…we can peer into his mind if we concentrate hard enough to reveal his obvious vampirism or wolfery. The film ends with our hero Uncle Pure Teacher trying to “apprise” all the werewolves with his “Silva Bullet” until he succeeds in his mission of taking out the Super Emerging Werewolf: Brian McLaren—bringing an end to the Emerging/Emergent Church once and for all.

This film is 100% ODMafia and Truthslayer endorsed and meets our seal of approval.