John Piper On The Southeastern Storm System

April 18, 2011

(Reuters)- In a meeting of Discernmentalists with John Piper about the storm system that ravaged areas of the Southeast this weekend, Mike Morrell quasi-Mystical Universalist Emergence Guru and his Emergent Cohort were mentioned often. In the meeting Piper said that he believes that Emergent Cohorts and Emergent Postmodern types of Christians among the South are directly responsible for all the damage caused by this storm system. He is quoted as saying: ” The storm system in the Southeast was a gentle but firm warning to Emergents and Mike Morrell’s Emergent Cohort in particular: Turn from the approval of the sin of Postmodernism. Turn from the promotion of behaviors that lead to destruction.”

Piper is under the firm conviction that the storm system was a wake-up call and a taste of God’s Wrath being poured out to punish Emergent sinners for reading Rob Bell’s new book.  Sometime during the meeting Ken Silva overheard John Piper say: “Farewell Mike Morrell!”  Along with Ken Silva, several other top Discernmentalists were among the participants of the meeting including I. Todyaso and Don Jobson of the Online Discernmentalist Mafia who have already taken issue with Morrell’s Roman Catholic leanings and Emergent theology.


McCarthy Ministries Puts Bible Monkey On Watchlist

July 29, 2010

McCarthy Ministries has done it again. They’ve caught Bible Monkey  in the midst of “Pinkness” which is practically Red for all of our paranoid purposes. McCarthy Ministries has also drawn up a list of character traits to be suspect of:


ODM Science Lesson # 1

July 4, 2010

 

Foolish Emergents, athiests, liberal scientists and ignorant Arminians will believe just about anything since they believe Satan and Man are sovereign instead of our loving Lord of Absolute Wrath, the Truth War and Holy Terrorism. Why they even believe in such Satanic and foolish man-made and man-exalting pseudo-scientific theories such as gravity and plate tectonics! Utter hogwash cooked up by a bunch of crackpots! 

Can you imagine anyone so stupid, mentally deceived, twisted and deluded enough to believe in such unprovable and unbiblical theories that have no evidence whatsoever to back them up? We can as we fight the good fight against them daily. Thankfully we have the Top ODM Scientists on our side to set the True Record straight:

P. S. The Truth War against you is still on, Emergent-Evolutionist Bible Monkey!


Introducing Our Brand Spanking New Truth War Motivators!

June 12, 2010

 

Created especially for our fellow Truth Warriors in this war against for  Truth—and especially for Phil Johnson who only wishes he could create posters half as good as we can come up with on any given day. Click here for more if you dare. Come on we double dog dare you that is unless you are truly one of our enemies who denies there is such thing as Absolute Truth which of course we mere errant mortal humans get to define the Bible defines. On second thought nevermind even if you are one of our many enemies, ye should click just to be smited with our Truth and see us point and laugh at how you are the ignorant ones for denying our Discernmentalist values.

* Feel free to link or don’t link back to them on your site but just remember We Know who you are and We Know what you are doing as we can see, hear, smell, taste and feel all through are Bible-Based Osmosis.

** These Truth War Motivators are subject to be added to or subtracted from our library at any time.

*** And remember WWJMD? (What would John MacArthur Do?)


Pure soap for the pure discernmentalist!

March 18, 2010

Online Discernmentalists are always striving to be better than thy neighbour… and when we achieve that “betterness,” we like to point out just how good we are against how bad you are. That is why we bring you PUREX- Doctrinal Discernment Soap. It is the soap that is guaranteed to be the very purest for the connoisseur of discernmentalism.

No more fears with this product….

You can feel safe while washing your clothing because it will separate from pagans, non-Christians, liberals, Roman Catholics, Samaritans and emergents. This detergent prevents your clothing from mixing with the unclean! Guaranteed 100% Pure just like our doctrines.

Built in the ODMafia research & discernmentalist labs.

Truthslayer

PS for external use only


Dr. I. Todyaso Undergoes Cybernetic Heresy Hunting Surgery

March 8, 2010

Dr. I. Todyaso underwent Cybernetic Heresy Hunting Surgery earlier today in order to increase our Heresy Hunting efficiency by 300% more than the average rate of other ODMs especially Ken Silva’s Raw Sewage Ministries. If Dr. I. Todyaso’s surgery goes well the rest of the Online Discernmentalist Mafia hope to follow suit bringing our Heresy Hunting accuracy to over 1000%. This new Cybernetic Heresy Hunting Surgery will also help in our preaching the Gospel of God’s Law and Wrath to all—pictured here:

Discernmentalist after undergoing Cybernetic Heresy Hunting Surgery threatens an Emergent heretic with the Gospel of God’s Law and Wrath and Hell.

We’ll also be able to teach Discernmentalist skills such as Self Righteousness to a wider range audience:

And in the end our army of Discernmentalists after undergoing Cybernetic Heresy Hunting Surgery will be able to bring Doomsday upon all that we deem heretical:


Old New Buttons For You

January 23, 2010

Some more of our buttons:

If it looks like a terrorist, if it smells and acts like a terrorist; it must be a terrorist. Todd Friel on Islamophobia: “‘Bias’ or Common Sense? All Muslims are terrorists.”

The only Absolute Truth news.


The Standard of Absolute Truth Education.

Obey us and John MacArthur’s Truth.

Ken Silva raises the banner of discernmentalism high.

Worldview Weekend for the GOIP.

No Grace To You Ministries.


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,939 other followers

%d bloggers like this: